Honesty
by elliewell
Summary: Resistance pilot Neri had the chance to kill her enemy, but the power within pushed her to redeem him instead. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, OC - Rated M for future chapters (violence, language, lemons)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I of course own nothing of Star Wars (regrettably) and only the OC Neri Lei can be called my own. I hope you like it!

Chapter One

The ground rumbled and shook beneath Neri's feet and she stumbled against a tree to steady herself, though the tree was making a crackling descent to the ground along with her. Pushing her white-blonde hair out of her face, she searched her surroundings frantically for a sign that help could be near. There was nothing, no one around her aside from the fleeing wildlife and splintering trees. She smelled smoke and scanned the horizon for fire, paling at the thought that she would be burned to death.

She heard a deafening crack and the ground began to open up beneath her feet, pulling her downward into the gouge being formed. Without thinking, she felt a pull to move forward and jumped across the growing void, nearly teetering into it before finding solid ground. She peered into the gash, stepping back cautiously as the world around her collapsed inward.

Neri's breath was loud in her ears, the only sound she could hear, and she searched her mind for the path she should take. She shut out her surroundings, closed her eyes, and felt the creeping power of her consciousness slithering out of her body to find a way for her to survive the day. It had been too long since she had allowed it to flow from her; the warmth of it was sluggish and unfamiliar in her body, like someone waking from a long sleep. She smiled despite her predicament, reveling in the feel of the Force wrapping around her.

There! Her eyes snapped open and she ran without hesitation, the growing crevice to her right as she darted between falling trees and panicked animals. She reached a clearing and slowed, looking around for what had drawn her to the spot. Was there a transport? A fellow Resistance pilot seeking her out? Had they seen her escape the crash of her X fighter? She frantically scanned the forest around her and saw nothing, no sign of salvation.

With a small, scared whimper, Neri backed away from the edge of the ever growing void before her and registered briefly that her heels had hit something before she toppled back and hit the cold, hard ground.

Moaning at the immediate soreness in her backside, she tried to untangle her legs from the dark mass she had tripped over. She squinted her eyes in the dying light, trying to make out what it was, and stumbled back several feet when she realized it was a man. Her legs caught together and she flailed, cursing her lack of grace. Steadying herself, she peered over at the stranger.

He was dressed in all black, body covered completely other than his face. He wasn't moving, so Neri leaned forward cautiously and inspected that face. He was not an old man, perhaps only a few years older than herself, and had heavy brows and large features that were marred by a long slash across his face. His dark hair, curls matted with blood that could have only been his own, stuck to his forehead and the gruesome gash there. His stillness unsettled her and Neri wondered if she was sitting beside a corpse.

Neri wondered who he was, why he was laying in the woods alone in such a state. The metallic stench of blood wafted off of him, and she saw several spots on his dark clothing that were soaked through with it. She looked around her for any indication of who the man might be and her eyes landed on a metal tube half buried in the snow.

Glancing at him, she crawled over to the tube, her hands stinging from the cold. She dug it out, turned it over in her hands, and pressed a button towards the base instinctively.

A bright red light erupted from the tube in three places and then flickered once, twice, before going out. It was a brief moment, but Neri had seen its true shape, the unique signature of that lightsaber. A horrifying realization spread through her and she looked at the man behind her, suddenly very afraid. She did not know his face, but she knew his weapon. Everyone in the galaxy knew that weapon.

Kylo Ren. Murderer and enemy of the Resistance. Her enemy.

Fear, slow moving and heavy, spread through her body and she felt herself frozen where she kneeled. She held his lightsaber tightly before her, as though she could defend herself with it, and flinched as she heard a voice in her mind.

 _Ben,_ it said, _my son._

Neri knew that voice, knew the memory that it had come from. She shook her head, willing the memory to leave her. Ben Solo was dead. Kylo Ren lived on.

She leaned over the man, pulling a small knife from her flight suit. She had used it to cut herself free of her wrecked fighter and positioned her shaking hand to rid the galaxy of him once and for all. She took a deep breath and raised her hand.

 _My son,_ the voice repeated, deafening in her mind.

"He is not your son anymore," she said aloud. Her voice was amplified by the quiet around her, but she suddenly realized that there was no quiet, that she had created the void of sound around her. The power within her rekindled and she felt it lowering her hand.

Blinking several times, Neri came back to the world fully and acted without thought. The knife was sheathed again, her murderous intentions stowed. She tucked the lightsaber into her belt and stood, feeling the ache of the day radiating through her body. The noise of the imploding planet was deafening in her ears now that she let it in, and the rumble of the earth beneath her feet falling away made it difficult to move.

The crevice grew ever nearer to her and Neri jumped forward, landing on the other side of the fallen Kylo Ren. Mustering all of her strength, she heaved his much larger body with her own, falling back onto the ground with him atop her. She felt sweat dripping down her neck and shoved him off of her, not taking time to be graceful about it. Dragging herself to her feet again, she moved him another few feet, repeating the process until that damned crevice was at least a few minutes from swallowing them.

With one hand on the lightsaber in her belt, Neri leaned forward over Kylo Ren's face. Pushing her fear back and trusting the push she felt from the Force, she felt his neck for a pulse and found one there, though it was not as strong as it should have been.

She sunk back onto her calves and pushed her hair out of her face. It was knotted and bloody, and she thought absentmindedly that she must have sustained a cut when she crashed onto the planet.

"I'm going to die," she whispered to the universe around her. "I'm going to die with this murderer." At least, she thought, she would not die with his blood on her hands. She would be free of that crime.

She looked down at his face, serene in his unconsciousness. He looked less a murdered and more a sleeping child, innocence marred only by the gash across his face. Pushing a clump of hair from his sticky forehead, Neri wondered why she had not left him to fall into the void that was creeping nearer to them. She would be guilty only on inaction then, of allowing a man to die a few moments earlier than intended by the universe.

 _All men deserve redemption,_ said the voice in her head, from another day's memory. She scoffed at the idea that he was redeemed by her not murdering him where he lay.

"Yes, but some are beyond it," she responded aloud. She felt tears beginning to sting her eyes and sighed unsteadily. Looking around her at the destruction that had been wrought, she let the tears flow. She wondered, not for the first time, why such things happened in the universe, why such fighting was necessary. Balance was impossible in such flawed creatures. She couldn't even find balance in herself.

"I'm going to die," she accepted. She settled into her spot and pulled off her belt, dropping it onto the ground. Her goggles, draped around her neck, followed suit, her fingers lingering on them in the snow.

 _My son,_ said the voice again, softer now.

Neri barked out a laugh sardonically. "Yes, Han, your son, dying here beside me. Ben Solo or Kylo Ren or whoever he is, dying here despite everything. Dying like any other man."

 _My son._

Neri wanted to scream and was prepared to when the man before her stirred. Without thinking, she leaned over his face, her loose hair tumbling over her shoulders and onto him.

Kylo Ren let out a long groan and opened his eyes, which were so dark as to nearly be black. He blinked several times, trying to take in his surroundings, and seemed to snap back to consciousness once he saw the young woman's face above his own.

Neri felt herself being pushed back into the snow, though no hands touched her. Kylo Ren's gloved hand was outstretched towards her, focusing his energy into getting her away from him. He seemed to register her flight suit and the now dry blood on her head, his eyes squinting suspiciously.

She pushed back against it, refusing to be bested when she was about to die, and felt his power waning. He gasped and sputtered as he tried to keep his hold on her but, finally, his hand fell to the ground and he made a desperate sort of keening sound. The sound shook Neri and she felt an involuntary pity for the man.

Cautiously, she leaned towards him again, holding her hair back with one shaking hand. His eyes were squeezed closed, the gash barely missing the right one.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said quietly, her soft voice barely audible over the cacophony around them. "I-I know who you are and I don't want to hurt you."

His eyes opened and caught hers, and she saw the suspicion in his face, knew that he had no reason to believe what she had said.

"We are about to die. I don't need to kill you," Neri whispered, her throat suddenly very sore. She felt tears coming to her eyes again and didn't care. She let them fall onto his chest with soft pitter-patters.

The ground lurched beneath them again and Neri felt it begin to crumble. She closed her eyes and steeled herself, ready to fall into the unknown.

Beside her, Kylo Ren was struggling to sit up, not ready to die. His eyes darted around him for an option, any option, and a wide smile spread across his face when he saw what was approaching.

The last thing Neri remembered was the sound of a blaster firing, and then the world disappeared.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – I sadly still don't own Star Wars. If I did, I don't think I'd have such insane student debt. Happy reading!

Chapter Two

The first thing that Neri noticed upon opening her eyes was the light. She squinted against it too late, feeling a headache beginning to form in her forehead. With her eyes clamped shut, Neri was startled when a voice sounded inches from her face.

"We thought you might never wake," said a man in an accented drawl that made Neri imagine a wrinkled up nose and brow. "We only stunned you but it took three days for you to come round. The Resistance must not use its best stock in its pilots."

A cold fingertip ran down Neri's jaw and she tried to pull away, only to be stopped by hard metal surrounding her head. She struggled to move any way she could and found herself bound at the wrists and ankles, with a solid band around her middle. She couldn't budge if she wanted to. She tried to awaken the power within her but felt no stirrings. She was too weak.

"Comfortable?" the man said, and Neri could hear the smile in his voice. There was a pause, and then he grabbed her chin painfully between his thumb and forefinger. "Open your eyes. Look at me." His voice was cold, stern, as though he was all too comfortable in giving orders.

Neri, knowing that open dissention could bring her only pain, opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light shining directly into her face. She knew the face before her and she cringed at the familiar sneer. If the stories were true, pain would come to her regardless of what she did. She felt motivated to postpone that, to survive.

"Good, you know who I am," General Hux said, his smile growing. "You should then also know what could happen to you if you do not cooperate with me. Yes?"

Neri nodded slightly, staring at the space between his eyebrows to avoid his hate filled eyes. She winced as he pulled her face towards her. Her stomach stung from the metal band being pressed into it.

"Do they not teach you to speak in your pilot's training? Answer me, do you know what comes of uncooperative little girls under my command?"

"Yes sir," Neri answered quietly, her eyes watering from the pressure on her chin. She had no information to give, no intelligence of the Resistance that the First Order did not already know. She thought she should prepare herself for the pain that would come of her ignorance. Prepare for her death.

 _Learn to talk your way out of anything,_ a memory said to her, just a faint whisper in the back of her mind. _You don't need to be stronger to win, only smarter._

Neri shut her eyes and tried to find a sense of calm. Her power stirred slightly, coaxed out by her desperation, but she found only the rage rolling off of the man before her. She blocked it out, settling into her own fear.

"Sir?" grinned Hux as she opened her eyes again. "Oh, my dear, we may find some use for you yet." His eyes traveled over her body hungrily and Neri fought the shudder that nearly erupted from her skin.

Hux's fingertips traveled down her neck and to her collarbone, sharp from days of not eating. She only realized then that she was dressed in her thin undergarments, flight suit removed. She shivered from the sudden cold and proximity of the First Order's monster.

Hux smiled once more, malice dripping from the gesture. "I hope you don't mind, your suit was just utterly rubbish and covered in blood. It would have been tasteless to keep it on." His gaze was predatory and Neri found herself wishing that someone, anyone, were in the room with them.

Neri could feel the growing lust in the general and tried to fight the terror that was growing in her belly. She had heard of the man's appetites and wondered fleetingly if death was the more attractive choice. Now awakened, her power would not be dampened, and she could not shut herself off to him.

Her mother had said, before she died, that anything could be overcome if only another day was granted. Neri had listened to her then, fighting hunger and misery and fear, but now, strapped into a chair in the enemy's custody, she wasn't so sure. She wondered if she could use the Force to seep the life out of her own body.

The sound of Hux's voice snapped Neri from her reverie. "Time must be made for that later I'm afraid," he said, stepping a few inches from her body. "The Supreme Leader is expecting a report after all, and I'm sure that is not the kind he intended." He chuckled at his own joke and stood before her, hands clasped behind his back. He looked every bit a commander, and Neri did not doubt his efficiency in his position.

Neri looked at him, unable to relax a single muscle in her body. She knew she was alone with one of the most sadistic men in the galaxy, entirely unable to protect herself.

"Now my pet, will you cooperate with me?" his voice dripped with false sincerity and it made her stomach turn.

Neri thought against it for a moment but a pull within her advised honesty. "Yes, general, I will cooperate with you."

A vicious grin grew on the man's face. "I'm so happy to hear that," he said, taking a step closer to her. His grin disappeared and his face became stony, set in his work. "Let us begin easily, to allow you to warm up to me. What is your name?"

"Neri Lei," she replied simply, eyes focused once more between his eyebrows.

"Neri Lei, where do you come from?"

"I was born on Bohem." Her chest tightened at the memory of her home, its rich forests and beautiful seas. She hadn't seen it in over a decade, could never return.

"Who are your parents?" He was trying to find her reason for joining the Resistance, Neri knew. He probably thought they had been in the rebellion against the empire. General Organa had always said that the First Order could not understand free will properly.

"My mother was Mara Lei. I know nothing of my father."

Hux stared at her for a moment. "Your mother is dead," he said. It was not a question. "How did she die?" Now, Neri thought, he must think the First Order killed her.

Neri shrank back from the memory of her mother's last moments. She had been twelve years old, hiding as a purchaser beat her mother to death. She had followed her mother's orders, had stayed alive and safe and hidden, and still hated herself for it.

"She was sick, died from fever," she lied easily. She had been using that lie for a decade, to keep the world from shaming her due to her mother's profession and her low parentage that must have risen from it.

Hux bought her lie. "How did you come to the Resistance?"

"I had nowhere else to go." That was nearly the truth.

Hux smiled then, a wide, wolfish thing, and leaned in very close to her face. "They seem to take in the strays and leave them behind just as easily, don't they?"

Neri thought of all of the orphans and runaways that made their way into General Organa's command. She didn't think it to be a bad thing, to manufacture a family through a cause. And they hadn't left her; they thought her dead. There was nothing to leave in their mind. Her chest ached at the thought of her friends, light years away and unable to save her.

"Neri," Hux said for a second time, pulling her from her thoughts. "We must focus, mustn't we dear? The Supreme Leader must not be kept waiting." His face was inches from her own, hands grasping the chair on either side of her stomach.

Neri fought a sneer at the pet name and composed herself. "No he mustn't sir." She felt his lust seep into her consciousness again and buried it deep. She did not want to think of what could follow

Hux ran his fingertips along her side, grinning at the utterance of sir. Neri felt a murderous jolt run through her and fought it, trying to find peace. She needed to survive, to play along. There was no hope of escape for a dead person.

Goosebumps spread along Neri's exposed skin from her chill and disgust and Hux smiled, being led entirely in the wrong direction.

"Let us get this interrogation nonsense over with, it's utterly dull compared to what I have in store for you. The Supreme Leader will have no use for you when it's over and I can have you all to myself."

Neri almost laughed aloud at this, feeling lethal tendencies coursing through her once more.

"What is your mission here?" Hux asked, his voice purposefully stony once more. His hand had dropped to his side, a small comfort to Neri.

Her eyebrows furrowed. Mission? She failed in her part of the mission to destroy the weapon when she had been hit by the TIE fighter and crashed. "There is no mission sir."

Hux's face hardened and he grabbed her upper arms, squeezing painfully, eliciting a small involuntary whimper. "You said that you would cooperate with me, Neri Lei." His voice was a growl, temper raised faster than should be humanly possible.

"I-I am sir," she stammered out, "I have no mission here."

Hux was so suddenly angry that he spat when he spoke, the spittle landing on her face. "I saw you there, with that sorry excuse of a man before you. You had his weapon, had him at your mercy, and you did nothing. Do you expect me to believe that a Resistance fighter would not use that opportunity to wound the First Order? Do you think me so naïve? I will repeat myself, what is your mission?"

"I have no mission sir," Neri repeated, and her head was slammed into the hard metal beside it as Hux struck her.

"What is your mission?" he repeated, his voice shaking from rage.

Neri steeled herself and forced out a whisper. "I have no mission."

Hux struck her again and stepped away, grabbing something off a table across the room. Neri felt blood trickling down her face and licked at it, letting the metallic taste of it fill her with resolve.

 _We are survivors,_ her mother's voice said in her mind, and Neri smiled at Hux, who stopped dead in his tracks.

"You can beat me until the breath is gone from my body general, but even then I will not be able to conjure up a mission for you."

Hux's sadistic grin returned and he lit the small electro-dagger in his hand. "We shall see," he said, stepping towards her.

Neri braced herself for pain but then froze, feeling a presence in the room that stilled her.

"That is enough, Hux," said a deep voice from the doorway. Neri hadn't even heard it open.

"I have orders from Supreme Leader to-"

"To gain information, which you seem inadequate to carry out at the present time." The voice sounded bored, as though the man behind it had other places to be.

Hux's face crumpled in anger and he stepped towards the other man. Neri craned her neck to see who it was, but she was unable to turn an inch. Blood stung her eye as she strained to rotate herself and she slumped back into the chair in painful defeat.

"It is not your place to decide that. Snoke said-"

"Snoke said that he could feel your lust for her from his base. Get out."

Neri could hear the sound of boots retreating down a hallway and the door being closed.

Slow but sure footsteps approached her and she looked to the floor, afraid of whom she might face.

"Now, let me have a try," said the man, and Neri could not help but look at him.

Standing before her, gloved hands serenely clasped before him, was Kylo Ren, a smile upon his scarred face.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer – Star Wars has still not been given to me by Disney, so please enjoy my unpaid fanfic.

Chapter Three

Kylo Ren stood tall before Neri, nearly all traces of his near death experience gone from his physical form. The only imperfection that Neri could see was the gruesome scar along his face, bright against his pale skin. He looked confident, arrogant, and Neri fought to hide her power from him. He must not know what she could do.

He inspected her closely, from her white-blond hair knotted and caked in her own blood to the drying red that ran down her pale cheeks and onto her slender neck. She had unsettlingly light blue eyes that gazed into his darker ones as though she could not look away, and her face was (if Kylo was being honest with himself) utterly beautiful. He had a moment of understanding for Hux's diversion but shook it from his mind. He was above such distractions.

"General Hux is, unfortunately, an idiot," he said, a mocking smile on his face. "I know that you were doing as he told you to, Neri Lei, before he hit you. I know that pain pulled up your strength, put a fight into you." He circled her chair, his hands resting on the metal but never touching her skin. "You will not fight with me."

He stood before her once more and stared into her eyes. Neri felt a pull towards him and could not look away. She felt a stirring in her stomach, her power aching to respond to his.

"You will not fight me," Kylo Ren said surely, his hand opened towards her. "You will give me the information I request of you without hesitation."

Neri's eyes glazed over for a moment and felt like she was intoxicated, as though she needed to do his bidding. She began to settle into the warmth of it but then, a sudden and sharp pain exploded from her chest so violently that she could barely breathe. Her power would not be overtaken.

 _My son,_ _my son, my son_ , wailed the voice in her head so loudly that she was unsure it was only her hearing it. She looked at Kylo Ren, at his face flooded with bewilderment at her outburst, and knew without logic what she must do. She must find Han Solo's son. She felt the light in him, buried in darkness, and her own power yearned for it. She felt energy coursing through her and halted it, calming her mind. She must save him, but she must not lose herself in the process.

Neri collected herself as best she could in her trapped state and looked again at the young man.

"You don't need to do that to me, Kylo Ren, I will answer your questions truthfully and without hesitation. I will not fight you."

His brows furrowed and, for the second time in several months, Kylo realized that his use of the Force had not worked on a prisoner. Was his power dimming? Was he no longer worthy of it? He shook his head. He had the blood of Darth Vader in his veins; he need only call on it. He was merely weak from his wounds on the Starkiller base.

"Who are you?" he asked her, shaking off his failure. He would save his energy, accept his need to rest his power.

"I am Neri Lei, a pilot."

"But that is not all you are."

Neri smiled at him and tested the water. "I am sure that you are not only a murderer, Kylo Ren. You must have at least a hobby."

The most dangerous man in the galaxy smirked at her, his eyes dangerous. "We are not talking about me. If you are not certain, you need only see where I am and where you are."

Neri shifted her weight in the chair and sighed. "I am the only daughter of Mara Lei, who raised me on Bohem until I was twelve years old."

"And then your childhood was halted, why?"

Neri thought about lying but was compelled to be honest. "She was murdered," she said quietly. She did not look at him when she said it.

"By whom?"

"A purchaser named Ollie."

"A purchaser of what?"

Neri chewed her lip. Was Kylo Ren to be the first to know her origin? To know her shame?

"A purchaser of…her time," Neri said after a long moment of silence.

"Ah, so your mother was a-"

"A saint compared to you Kylo Ren." Neri's voice was a hiss through her teeth, her anger barely contained.

There was a small uptick of his lips. "I was not passing moral judgment. Do you think I care what a woman does with her body? Who was your father?"

Neri shrugged, burying her anger down deep. "I have no father. My mother always said that I have no father."

Kylo Ren reached out suddenly and plucked a piece of lint off of Neri's undershirt, tossing it aside. She froze at his touch, afraid that he was going to hit her as Hux had done. He stepped closer to her but dropped his hand.

"Why didn't you kill me?" he asked unexpectedly, throwing her off guard. He stood inches from her face, his body nearly vibrating from the power contained within it.

Neri could feel her body begin to shake and she tried to push back the sensation. Her mind fought to contain the power creeping from her, reaching out to Kylo Ren. General Organa had told her she needed to bury the power until Luke could be found, until she could control it. She had shown her how to hide it, stifle it. It was not working.

Kylo Ren could feel something too, but he couldn't place the sensation. It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced and it both fascinated and unsettled him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, moving closer to her small body. His power reveled in the pulses coming from her and he felt his energy being restored.

Neri could not answer. Beads of sweat broke out on her forehead from her effort to focus. She must not let Kylo Ren see her as she was. She must stifle what she had stifled for her entire life. It could not be totally free.

A splitting pain erupted from her head and she felt as though she would choke from the effort of containing herself. Her power was aching to be released, to gravitate towards Kylo Ren. She had felt other's emotions before, had taken them in stride, but his body emitted such strong waves that she didn't think she could stop herself from succumbing.

Kylo Ren's face was an inch from her own, his gloved hands on either side of her head against the cool metal of the chair. "What do you feel?" he asked, trying to probe her mind. She found him, pushed back, until he felt his own walls being broken down.

"Fear, I feel fear," Neri moaned, her voice strained as though she was in agony. Her head dipped forward and rested against Kylo Ren's. He tried to pull away but could not. He could feel the energy coming from her, pulling his mind into it and he was hungry for it, hungry to see what she would do.

"What else?" he said through gritted teeth. His hands began to ache from the pressure of the chair and he numbed himself to it.

"Hopelessness…rage…inadequacy. It's tearing me apart!"

Kylo Ren forced himself from her then. He had said those words to his father before taking his life, had thought them innumerable times since turning to the darkness.

Neri writhed on the chair and he leaned into her again. "Let it feed you, let it make you strong. They are only your emotions." His voice was just a whisper, revealing the desperation he felt to understand her power, to possess it.

"They're not," she cried weakly. "They're not my own."

Kylo stiffened and stared at her face. Her eyes opened and tears fell from them. She was in agony.

"How do you live with this pain?" she asked, her voice cracking. "Make it stop please, make it stop."

He backed away from her, throwing defenses around his mind as he put distance between them. His body shook, but he was unsure why. He watched her face, twisted in pain.

"Make it stop, please make it stop," she begged, her eyes red and lips cracked. "Ben, please make it stop."

Kylo Ren froze at the sound of his birth name and furrowed his brow. With one last plea from the woman before him, he waved his hand and forced her into a blank unconsciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars (sobs uncontrollably over this fact).

Chapter Four

Stormtroopers backed themselves against walls when they saw the determination in Kylo Ren's step, not wanting to be on the wrong end of his temper as many had been before. He moved quickly through the halls of the ship and finally, after the maze that was but one floor of the cruiser, reached the hologram room where he knew he would be able to contact Supreme Leader Snoke.

As he turned quickly into the room, Kylo saw the unpleasantly familiar red hair of a certain general and felt his nose wrinkle in disgust. Yes, the man had been on the transport that rescued the badly broken dark knight several days before, but he had made it very clear that he acted only on his leader's orders and would rather have left Kylo to die.

"Ah…my young apprentice," said the hologram of Snoke, his voice labored as ever. "Have you…made progress with the prisoner?"

Kylo dropped to one knee in reverence and then stood beside the worm Hux. "Yes master, very much so." He clasped his hands behind his back and took a breath, trying to hide his excitement at what had just occurred.

"Well are you going to tell us or keep us waiting?" snarled Hux, his calm composure barely hiding the rage within.

Kylo made a point to wait another few moments before he spoke and then directed his speech only towards his master. "She is strong with the force, stronger than the scavenger may ever be. I couldn't even sense her until she had lost control…how is it possible that she could do that with no training Supreme Leader?"

Snoke's hologram smiled. "I too felt it…like a…shock wave hitting me suddenly. Stronger than…the scavenger you say?"

"Yes master. I could train her…I don't think she has any true allegiance to anyone, just whomever will take her in. She will sway easily to us."

"And why are you so sure? You were sure about the scavenger and look how that turned out." Hux's voice was venomous and his eyes went pointedly to Kylo's scar. "How do you know she isn't escaping right now, using your weakness as a tool against you?"

Kylo Ren turned to Hux and smiled in the way that a predator would smile at its prey. "She is currently unconscious in that chair you strapped her into, unable to escape or do much of anything really. Don't be such a child Hux, I'm sure you'll find another poor girl to victimize instead of forcing yourself on my student."

Hux began to protest but was silenced by the raised hand of Snoke. "The question remains, why do you believe she will come to us?"

Kylo bowed his head to his master and checked his voice before speaking, removing any of the malice that he had felt towards Hux. "Master, she could have killed me in the forest. She didn't. I don't think we could expect the same from the other Resistance fighters. She is malleable. She will come to us."

"So be it," Snoke said, and he disappeared.

Kylo Ren strode from the hologram chamber with renewed energy, determined to prove himself to his master. It was true that he had failed with the scavenger, but he would not make the same mistake with this girl. He would show that he was worthy of his position in the First Order.

Neri opened her eyes slowly, unsure of what had happened or where she was. She looked around the room and froze when she saw the tall figure of Kylo Ren sitting in a chair across from her. He watched her expectantly, and she knew that he had pulled her into consciousness.

"What do you remember?" he asked casually. There was no urgency in his tone.

Neri tried to pull together a clear picture of what had occurred before everything went dark. She had felt him near her, his power seeping into her and overwhelming her. She had felt what he felt, the agony of it pulling her to bits. She had called to him, begged him for release from it.

"Ben," she blurted out before she could stop herself. She bit her lip immediately, cursing her impulses.

Kylo Ren's eyes flashed and hardened. "Ben Solo is dead," he said, rising from his seat. "I remain." He stepped towards her, stopping a foot away. He looked down at her face, searching for something he couldn't name. "I am going to give you a choice Neri Lei. There are three options, and you must choose. Do you understand?"

Her face crumpled in confusion but she nodded. She did not understand what game he meant to play, but her instincts told her to allow him to play it.

"Tell me that you understand."

"I-I understand."

"Good." Kylo leaned forward and flicked his fingers, opening Neri's restraints, first wrists, then ankles, and then middle. He motioned for her to step down. She did but stumbled, weak from her days of immobility and hunger. Kylo Ren surprised her by holding out and arm to steady her. "Look at me," he said sternly. He would do whatever it took, he thought, to win this girl to his side. He would gain her trust and her allegiance.

She righted herself the best she could and looked up at him. He was over a foot taller than her and his face was distorted by the angle. Kylo Ren tilted his chin down and placed both of her hands on his forearm for support.

"Your first option is to leave this room and go immediately to General Hux, to remain with him and do whatever he desires until he tires of you. I cannot say what will happen to you when that day comes. "

Neri's grip tightened on his arm and he fought a smirk. She looked down at herself, at her bare legs and arms, and shivered. Kylo felt a pang of…pity for her at that moment, but pushed it aside. Sympathy had no place in him.

"Your second option is to leave this room and go immediately to the airlock chamber, where you will be executed and discarded into whichever bit of space we are passing right now."

Her grip loosened, and Kylo felt his heart involuntarily sink that being left like a piece of garbage was preferable to being in his comrade's company.

"What is my third option?" she asked, her voice shaking. The room spun around her slightly and she placed a hand on the metal chair beside her to better steady herself. Kylo Ren's arm was suddenly too warm beneath her touch and she felt herself panicking that she may be about to walk willingly to her death.

"The third option is to leave this room and come with me."

Her hand fell away from his arm and she looked at him with fear rolling off of her in waves. She tried to cover herself with her arms and felt herself sinking to the floor. Her breath wouldn't come and she prepared herself to die rather than be the plaything of either sadist she had to choose from.

"I will n-not be your whore," she stuttered, her hands splayed on the cold floor.

Kylo Ren kneeled before her and lifted her chin with a gloved hand. In his eyes was warmth that she had not yet seen and she felt herself leaning back against the metal chair helplessly. It was sharp; she focused on the pain of it rather than the pain of her decision.

"I do not want you to be anyone's whore," he said gently to her. "Come with me, let me teach you."

She was confused. "Teach me what?"

He smiled. "To control your power, to harness it. You are so full of potential. You must not waste it. I will teach you to use it."

Neri opened her mouth to say something and then shut it, thinking better of the words. She pulled her legs up to her chest and heaved a great sigh. "I don't want to hurt anyone," she said, her voice but a whisper.

"It is not about hurting others, it is about serving yourself," Kylo said. "Please, come with me. I cannot stand to see your potential wasted. Please Neri." He did not mean to beg, but he knew that he could not let her leave his side. He needed to prove himself to his master.

She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat and nodded her head.

"Tell me what you are choosing, you must consent."

"I am choosing to come with you, to be your student."

Kylo Ren stood up smoothly and held out his hand. Neri took it, feeling as though she had sold her soul on contact. She looked up at him, feeling his satisfaction creeping into her body, taking her over.

He smiled at her, a true smile that spread to his eyes. He would prove himself worthy, and he would use her to do it. She lowered her eyes to their still clasped hands and felt her cheeks redden. Kylo pulled his hand from hers and unclasped the fastenings of his cloak.

"Here," he said, handing it to her.

She hesitated, her hand hanging in the air between them.

"Take it, unless you want to walk through the ship as you are. Hux is the least of your worries here."

Neri snatched it from his hand and draped the cloak over her shoulders. It was itchy but warm, pooling around her feet as she held the front closed with shaking hands.

Kylo Ren clasped the fastenings at her throat and pulled the hood up, avoiding touching her skin, and then stepped back. "It'll do. We aren't going far."

With that, he turned from her and walked out of the room, having opened the door with a flick of his wrist. She followed behind him quickly, her bare feet quiet on the smooth floors. With one glance back at the room behind her, Neri wondered what she had gotten herself into.

As they walked through the station, rumors spread of the silent wraith that Kylo Ren had acquired.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars and lay claim only to my OC Neri. Happy reading!

Chapter 5

"You may clean up in there," Kylo Ren said dismissively, waving his hand towards the left side of his living quarters. They had arrived moments earlier, he walking in nonchalantly, she tiptoeing through the space as though fearing the walls would cave in around her.

She glanced at the space he indicated and inspected her surroundings, not surprised by the stark cleanliness that Kylo Ren maintained. The apartment was small but not cluttered, with clean, harsh lines being the theme of the décor. She noticed without shock that there was much black and grey to be found, with little color within the space. There was no room for her, she thought, no extra space to be found. The only door she saw led to the bathroom, and she shifted anxiously from foot to foot at this predicament.

"Neri," repeated the hard voice of her new master. She looked at him, muttering an apology for her absentmindedness.

"There are towels behind the door. You should take a bath to clean off the blood and dirt. You'll not be living in filth here." His tone was curt, professional, and she wondered how he had manufactured such gentleness in the interrogation room.

Neri was no fool. She knew that Kylo Ren cared nothing for her, saw no difference between herself and any other Force sensitive individual. She wondered if he would teach her to lie so smoothly, to make a person feel as though making the wrong decision was the most right thing they'd ever done.

"Thank you," she said quietly, trying to hide her thoughts. She did not feel him probing into her mind, but one could never be certain. Taking quiet, short strides, Neri found herself in the bathroom in a few paces, and she shut the door behind her quickly, sinking to the floor against it.

Kylo Ren's cloak was suddenly too heavy to bear and she tugged it off with shaking fingers. The enormity of her decision finally dawned on her, rising from the muted shock she had allowed her thoughts to settle into. She bit at her fingertips, ripping loose skin from her cuticles, and relished in the blood that pooled to the surface at her savagery. She looked around the bathroom quickly for an escape but there was none. There was only the door behind her that led to the galaxy's most dangerous man. She should have chosen execution.

Her eyes glazed over as she stared at the grey wall opposite her, panicked tears drying on her face. Searching her mind, she found only silence.

"Help me," she whispered aloud to no one in particular. Her throat ached at the utterance.

 _My son,_ said the too-familiar voice in the back of her thoughts. Neri grew irritated. She knew that the man in the other room had once been Han's son, knew that he had once been good. She did not want to be reminded of his descent to the darkness that she was now a willing part of.

 _My son is lost,_ said Han's voice, the memory suddenly clear in Neri's mind. She had been sitting in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon, learning the mind-bogglingly difficult sequences that it took to fly the ship, when Han Solo had had a rare moment of openness.

"What troubles you?" she had asked, her voice quiet compared to the din of the ship's engines.

He glanced over at her, giving her a look that she recognized as his poorly shielded wariness.

"My son is lost," he said, running a hand through his greying hair. "I lost him."

Neri and Han had rarely spoken of his family since he had found her, saved her from the slave trade on Bohem. She knew of his love for General Organa, his love for his son who had done unspeakable things in the descent to the dark side, but this knowledge had been pieced together from short instances where Han slipped up, revealed personal sentiments.

"You didn't lose him," Neri replied assuredly. "He made his decisions and would have made those decisions regardless of what anyone around him did. You did nothing wrong Han."

"You don't know me as a father," Han said glumly, sinking into his seat.

Neri deftly handled the controls of the Falcon, having learned faster than anyone Han had ever known. "Yes I do," she said, not looking at him. She knew he didn't handle expressions of soppiness well and tried to be easy on him. "I've been with you for months now and you've taken care of me. I mean, I don't have anyone to compare you to, but I think you're a very good father."

She heard Han clear his throat beside her and she focused on her task. She felt her cheeks reddening and wished she hadn't said anything.

"I'm going to miss you kid," Han said simply, and they guided the Falcon to General Organa's base in contented silence.

Neri shut her eyes, sighing quietly. _I can bring him back_ , she thought, _or I can at least try. I owe a man a debt._

She opened her eyes, resigned to what she must do. She had chosen her path and would follow it through. Neri Lei was never one to abandon the abandoned.

One hour later, Kylo Ren was sitting impatiently in his favorite chair, fingertips steepled and eyes searching the darkness of space just outside his window. He had heard the water running into the tub some time ago, heard his new protégé lowering herself into it gingerly. He wondered if she was one to always dawdle and grumbled quietly. He should not allow such leniency.

He rose in one fluid motion and marched to the closed bathroom door, rapping on it with his knuckles.

"Have you drowned or have you purposefully kept me waiting?" he asked, his voice tinged with irritation. Kylo Ren was many things, but patient was not one of them.

He heard the sound of metal hitting the floor and started, wondering if Neri was trying to kill herself. Without hesitation, he pushed the door open and stepped inside the bathroom.

Neri sunk below the surface of the water rapidly, covering her chest with shaking arms. On the floor beside the tub was a pair of shears that she must have found in the cupboard. Beside the shears was a pile of her wet locks, recently shorn from her head. He looked from the pile to her face, which held obvious fear. She had missed a small clump at the back of her head, interrupted in her progress by his intrusion.

"I couldn't get the b-blood out," she stammered, sinking lower into the water. "T-the knots…"

Kylo Ren stared at her, his brow furrowed. She had done a shoddy job, the remaining hair different lengths but all cropped to less than an inch from her skull. It did not detract from her beauty, he noted distractedly, rather drawing the eye into her face and her unsettling blue eyes that seemed to have seen much more than he. He did not try to gaze at what lay behind her arms, knowing that such an intrusion would not gain him any favors. He did see, running over her back like spider webs, scars from what must have been repeated whippings, faded to pale white lines just barely marring her smooth skin.

"You missed the back," he said simply, removing himself from the room. On the other side of the door, he took a deep breath. He must not allow himself to be drawn in by the pitiful creature he had taken in. He must turn her to stone as the Supreme Leader had done to him. He must care only for her the glory she could bring to him.

In the tub, Neri shook, her hand reaching out for the shears unsteadily. She grasped them, tilting her chin to her chest, and cut away the last of her beautiful hair, the same hair she had been growing since leaving Bohem a decade earlier. She placed the sharp metal on the ground quietly and pulled the stopper beneath her, watching the water drain from the tub too quickly.

With still shaking arms, she pushed herself up from the tub and wrapped a towel around her. It was long, reaching beyond her knees, and she thanked the Maker for her small stature. With another towel, she dried her hair, careful to avoid the scabbing cuts on her head that were beginning to ache.

Neri crouched down, pushing her shorn hair into one hand and then discarding it into the small trash bin she discovered under the sink. The strands were heavy as they left her hand and, as she stood, she allowed herself to finally look at her reflection.

She had not seen herself since leaving the Resistance base nearly a week ago and was startled by the face looking back at her. Her skin was pale, bruised in several places, and split where General Hux had struck her head against the interrogation chair. Her hair, now unrecognizably short, had the appearance of feathers, soft and white in the bright bathroom light. Her face was thin from not eating, her eyes sunken and cheeks hollow. Nodding at the new her, she turned from the mirror and came to the horrifying realization that she had no clothes. She had discarded her filthy undergarments before getting into the tub, not wanting a trace of that interrogation room to be left on her. Her knuckles turned white from her grip on the towel and she steeled herself, stepping to the door.

One hand firmly on her towel, Neri pulled the door open a crack and peered into the apartment. Kylo Ren sat in a chair by the window, facing away from her.

"There are no clothes made for you yet," he said, probably reading her erratic thoughts. "You may use what I placed on the table for the night."

Her eyes found the table and the clothes. She grabbed them and stepped back into the bathroom, immediately unfurling them to see what she was allowed to wear.

The black tunic and matching pants were both very soft and comically too large for her small frame. She was wearing Kylo Ren's clothing, she accepted as she cuffed the pants several times. She was grateful for her wide hips then, knowing that if she had been narrow from chest to ankles the pants would have never remained in place.

Cuffing the sleeves until they were settled comfortably at her wrists, Neri opened the door. She still held the towel, unsure of what to do with it.

"Leave it on the floor," came the voice of Kylo Ren from across the room. Reading her thoughts again. He must then have known how frightened she was, how unsure of her position.

"Come," he said. "Sit."

Knowing that she had no choice but to comply, Neri padded quietly on bare feet to where he sat. There was no other chair and she folded her legs beneath her on the floor a few feet from his still body.

"Tell me about the scars on your back," he said blandly, no emotion in his voice.

Neri was taken aback, cursing herself for not hiding them better. Of course her new master would demand information of her. She was his to command. She chewed her bottom lip for a moment and moved her hand to brush a lock from her face. She wondered how long it would take to remember there was nothing there.

"I was a slave. I did not listen easily," she said simply. She hoped he would not probe her for more information, would not use the same punishments on her when she inevitably failed.

Her hopes were foolish. "How did you become a slave?"

She wondered how to word her response and opted for directness. She could not hide anything from him anyway. "I killed a man."

She knew she had surprised him because he turned to look at her, eyes boring into hers. He regained his composure and set his hands on the arms of his chair, leaning back as he looked down at her.

"Who?" he asked, his voice barely masking his rampant curiosity.

She met his eyes fully, trying not to be afraid. "A purchaser named Ollie," she said, her voice lighter than it had been all night.

He smiled slightly, sensing no remorse in her voice. "A purchaser of time," he stated. "The man who killed your mother."

Neri nodded, shifting her weight to ease the pressure on her sore legs.

"Be at ease," her teacher urged. "Rest your body tonight; tomorrow I will not be so merciful." He wondered briefly why he granted her reprieve. He would not have done the same for another.

"Thank you…"

"What is it?" he asked, pulling himself from her mind to allow for candidness.

Her lip would be swollen from all the chewing she did. He tried not to let his gaze linger on it. "I do not know what to call you," she said. She looked embarrassed. "Master or sir or-"

"You may call me either of those."

Neri bowed her head in acquiescence. "Yes master."

Kylo looked out the window, studying the darkness. He turned from her wholly and Neri fidgeted in her spot, feeling pins and needles coursing through her muscles.

"Sleep," he commanded, his voice flat. "There is a chair by the door with a blanket on it. You may use that for tonight." He did not mention what the next night may bring.

"Thank you master," she said, rising stiffly from the ground.

Kylo watched her reflection moving away from him. He pushed himself to feel nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. I'm still sad about it.

This chapter is a short one – more tomorrow! Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it heartily!

Chapter 6

Neri woke with a start, nearly falling off of the chair she had curled her small body into. She pushed her uneven hair off her forehead with a sleeve-covered hand, looking around the room for what had woken her. She saw nothing amiss; the apartment was as quiet as the night before. It nearly felt as though she was alone but then she saw him, sitting in the same chair by the window.

Pushing the blanket from her, Neri rose carefully, stepping quietly on the cold floor towards him.

"Good," he said as she approached. "You answered at my first call." He stood gracefully from the chair and walked towards her. His hair was damp, clothes changed. Neri wondered how she had slept through him moving about the apartment and was unsettled by his ability to navigate around her dull senses.

"You will learn to sleep lighter," he said, easily reading her concern.

Her face crumpled.

"What?" asked the bemused Kylo Ren. "Do you dislike me looking into your head?"

"I am a private person sir," she replied quietly. She had always been in her own thoughts, keeping them from others as best she could. It bothered her more than she would admit that he could speak so plainly of her thoughts.

"You can be private again, in time. You must earn that right."

She nodded, looking at the floor.

"Change your clothes. You cannot train in baggy garments and bare feet."

Neri was perplexed. She did not have other clothes.

 _In the bathroom_ , said his voice in her head. She jumped, wondering if he had heard the other voices she had heard since crashing on the Starkiller base. She walked quickly to the bathroom, as though lack of proximity could mask her thoughts from the powerful man she had given herself to.

She shut the door with a quiet click and used the toilet hastily, praying to whomever may be listening that he would not look into her actions now. She rinsed her mouth with minty water, scrubbing her teeth with her fingertips, and smoothed down her hair that had gained a mind of its own in the night. Finally, she dressed in the clothes left for her. She winced at the dark undergarments, hoping that he had not placed them there, and pulled everything on as quickly as she could. She knew he was not a man to be kept waiting.

A few minutes later, Neri emerged from the bathroom in her new uniform. She wore a soft but sturdy black tunic that reached just below her backside atop black leggings that hugged her legs intimately. On her feet were forgiving boots, their material allowing her to move without blisters.

Kylo Ren turned from where he stood at the window and inspected her. "The droids determined your sizes well."

Neri wondered if this was a compliment and looked at her feet, feeling her face grow warm in his gaze.

"Eat," he said, gesturing to the table against the far wall.

Neri's stomach seemed to suddenly remember that she had not eaten in days and growled loudly, embarrassingly, as she walked quickly across the room. She sat at the table and ate just as quickly, not wanting to make her new master angry at her for dawdling.

He walked over to her lazily as she finished the last of the food set before her, his hands clasped behind his back. He looked down at her, hopeful that she would be what he needed to gain redemption in the eyes of his master. "Let us begin."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars, only my OC Neri.

A/N – Thank you so, so much for reading, especially my reviewers. You motivate me to keep on writing and I appreciate it like you wouldn't believe! Next week starts my graduate school career, so I think I'll write until my fingers fall off this week. Happy reading!

Chapter 7

It had been three days since Neri's training had begun. She was sore in muscles she didn't know that she had; Kylo Ren had run her through the gauntlet physically with no indication of beginning her mental training within the Force.

"Your mind is of no use to me within that weak body," he had said plainly, no malice in his voice. He was, as ever, sternly cordial, and Neri did as she was told, trusting that she would understand his methods soon enough.

If she were being completely honest with herself, Neri would admit that she was embarrassed of her weakness, that she did not want her master to acknowledge her shortcomings. She found herself wanting to please him, her heart lifting a little when he quietly noted her improvements.

Neri tried to push these thoughts to the back of her mind, knowing that he could be listening at any time. Kylo Ren had, mercifully, stopped answering her private thoughts with his answers aloud, but his student was suspicious that he could still be in her head. She struggled to maintain her focus on the task at hand, but succeeded more each day.

On the fourth day, her master circled her where she dangled from the platform above, focusing on pulling herself onto it without dropping to the floor. This failure was a common occurrence; she hadn't been through the entirety of her pilot's training when the mission to the Starkiller base was executed and her body suffered for it. She had yet to reach the platform without painfully hitting the floor ten feet below.

The first time her master had requested the task of her had been terrifying. They had been walking from his quarters on the first day, moving over the platform as he spoke of the schedule that she could expect. Suddenly, after passing a squadron of stormtroopers, he had shoved her unexpectedly off the platform, catching her hand and telling her to hold the side. She struggled so much the first day, astounded by his callousness and the fact that not a single soldier that passed them by stopped to see if she were all right. She supposed they had seen worse in their dark knight.

She had fallen, hard, that first day, feeling as though she had bruised her tailbone. Kylo had gracefully dropped off the platform beside her, not offering a hand to help her to her feet.

"Come," he said, stepping away from her crumpled body on the floor. "We mustn't dwell on your failure." And she had followed him without question to the next challenge.

By the fourth day, in which Neri now found herself, she had anticipated his push and dodged it lithely, remembering how he had made of show of nearly not catching her the day before. He had smiled, hidden by his hand, as she lowered herself to hang off the platform, and then dropped to observe her progress.

"You have trouble focusing your mind when your body is in pain," he said, looking up at her. He glanced briefly each time, realizing that if he let his gaze linger, it would travel over her body shamelessly. He should have asked the droids for larger garments.

"Yeah," she huffed out, "I think most people do." She fought to keep her breathing normal, to ignore the burning in her shoulders and back. Her fingers slipped in their spot and she repositioned, racking her brain for how she would overcome the obstacle of this task. She had done all else he had asked, from running to taking blows to sitting in one position for hours while he spoke of the history of the Knights of Ren.

"You cannot be most people Neri. You must be better than them." He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to maintain his patience. She had tried it, worn it down, and he wondered why he had thought adopting her as his student had been a good idea. No good could come of beginning one's education in the Force so late. He glanced up and dropped his hand, hiding his frustration at the sight in the distance.

"Neri," he said quietly, no hurry in his voice. "General Hux is coming towards me with seemingly great purpose. I don't believe he has seen you yet."

Neri felt a jolt at the thought of the general and panicked for a split second, not wanting to be in his presence. She took a deep breath and calmed herself, begging her body to cooperate. With one more deep breath she pulled herself up inch by inch, finally feeling the platform beneath her stomach and, finally, her legs. She rolled onto her back and panted, ignoring the stormtroopers that passed her. They ignored her as well.

"Ah, Hux, what has you running about this morning?"

Neri quieted her breathing and lay still, hoping that her master would not reveal her presence. She could hear the mocking lilt to his voice and wondered if he hated Hux more than she had begun to. She had only seen the man in the distance a few times and had hidden herself immediately, not wanting to experience his hungry gaze roaming over her body again.

"Ren," replied Hux, his voice sharp and low. "I am preparing for our arrival at the base in two days, preparing my soldiers for their continued training. And you? Where is your…girl?"

Neri felt her nose wrinkle in disgust. Girl? She was training to be a wielder of the Force and this man dared call her a girl of all things? She would kill him. She would toss him out of his own ship.

Kylo Ren hid a laugh with a cough and she knew that he had read her thoughts. He composed himself and glanced upward, blocking her mind from his own for the moment. "My apprentice is stealth training at the moment," he said, and Neri chewed her lip to keep from laughing.

"Hopefully she will not remain too stealthy," Hux replied, glancing around as though Neri could be anywhere to hear him. "You cannot keep her all to herself forever Ren. I'm sure she will find some time for me."

Neri attempted to sit up, infuriated and ready to kill the man below, but was pushed back down by the force of Kylo's mind. She caught a glimpse of the rage in his thoughts and accepted her supine position on the platform.

Kylo Ren's voice was suddenly venomous. "You will not touch her. You will not even think of her. She is to be a servant of the Supreme Leader and will not be degraded by your presence."

Neri felt her body being taken over by her master's rage and fought it, knowing that no good could come of her ire matching his own. She wondered fleetingly why her master cared what Hux wanted to do to her and guessed that her harm would indicate his weakness to control the happenings of her training. She clasped her hands together on her stomach, wringing her fingers anxiously.

"You cannot help what the girl wants," said Hux, and Neri could hear his foul smile in his voice. She gagged. His steps retreated and she released the breath she did not know she was holding, her lungs burning from it. She startled when her master's boots appeared next to her face.

"Get up," he commanded, and she rose clumsily to her feet beside him. He began to march quickly in the direction of his quarters and Neri jogged to keep up.

Once inside the apartment, Kylo Ren spun on her, inspecting her face and her thoughts. Neri froze under his scrutiny, her thoughts fearful and anxious.

"Neri," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "Have you made any indication to the general that you would want to…spend time with him? Do you want to?"

She was taken back by his inquiry, insulted that he would think she had done something to bring on the man's attention. She had cooperated in the interrogation room but had not flirted or led the sadist on in any way. She had not batted a single eyelash.

"I didn't think so." He was answering her thoughts, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He looked at her again, his face slightly softer. "This is a problem."

"He disgusts me," Neri stated flatly, her voice void of emotion. In her mind, she was angry, appalled at her master. She would have been able to hide this from anyone but him.

Kylo Ren took a step towards her and then thought better of it, turned on his heel and went to his closet where he rummaged around for a moment before finding what he wanted. He stepped back to her, his face unreadable.

His hand held out a small knife to Neri and she looked at it, then him. "What is this?" she asked, not understanding his intent.

He grabbed her small hand gently and folded the knife into it. "If anyone on this ship touches you without your consent, you will use this."

Neri opened her mouth to speak then closed it, thinking. "I cannot go about stabbing my commanding officers."

"I am your only command here. You answer to none but me. You will do this Neri."

"But-" she thought of the repercussions of hurting Hux, or anyone on the ship under Hux's command.

He didn't let her speak. "I will handle the ramifications. Swear that you will do this Neri. That you will not let them touch you."

She looked at the knife in her hand and nodded slightly, not understanding his insistence.

"An insult to you is an insult to me as your teacher," he said too quickly, as though he had rehearsed the sentence. She wished, more than ever before, to be able to read his thoughts as easily as he read hers.

"You wouldn't like it in my head," her master muttered, hardening his face once more. "Come, I must show you how to use that thing before you hurt yourself."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars and write this fanfic purely for enjoyment.

A/N – Holy crackers you all are too good to me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I can't wait to post more chapters.

Chapter 8

The next evening, following a grueling day of hand-to-hand combat training that resulted in Neri on the ground more often than not, she and her master sat at his small table and ate their dinner in companionable silence as they did each night since her arrival. She winced as she moved her food around her plate, wishing that she were able to land a single blow on Kylo Ren that day. She had come close a few times, hopeful that she would finally do something to impress him, and had been laid out each time, her back and the floor good friends by this point.

Beside her, her master thought of her improvement from the day before and reveled in the fact that she was a fast learner. He wondered if he should express such things to her, as he remembered too clearly the disappointment he felt when his uncle did not point out his achievements, how bitter this had made him. It was a weakness, he decided, to need such coddling. He kept his mouth shut.

"Master," Neri said quietly. He nodded to her to continue. "What will happen when we reach the base?" She did not know where their destination was, only that she was sure it was as far from the Resistance as possible. She hadn't even known of a secondary base before overhearing Hux speak of it.

He wiped his mouth with his napkin and set the cloth on the table. "I will meet with Supreme Leader Snoke to discuss your progress. You will have your own room. Your training will include fresh air and much more space."

She smiled at his last sentence, having felt smothered in the ship for a week, which he must have picked up on. "Thank you master," she said, chewing a bit of food slowly. She wondered how her teeth could hurt without him making contact with them.

"Are you happy to have space from me?" he asked flippantly, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he thought of them. He kicked himself inwardly.

Neri looked at him, surprised. "I am not opposed to where I am now," she said tactfully, her words carefully formed in her mouth. "I am sorry to be constantly underfoot. I am sure you appreciate your privacy."

He looked at his empty plate, to his lap, anywhere but her. He would not admit it to her, but he preferred her company. He had been alone for too long. "You will have a bed at least. You won't need to tolerate my chair anymore."

She smiled at him warmly, overjoyed that he was holding a conversation with her, no matter how meager it was. Her week had been one of loneliness, but not isolation. "It's a rather large chair," she said, her smile seeping into her words.

"And you are a rather small person," he replied. He stood up and carried his dishes to the door for the droids to remove, a blush creeping into his cheeks. What was wrong with him? He was acting like a child, an awestruck little boy. He was speaking nonsense. How had he allowed his defenses to fall around this woman? He had let his pretend cordiality transform into reality and felt his willpower crumbling. He did not want to keep himself shut off from her. He enjoyed her.

Kylo Ren turned around, jumping when he realized she stood a few feet from him, her own dishes in her hands. They both ignored the fact that she was able to sneak up on him, a feat that most could not achieve.

Placing her dishes on the floor beside her master's, Neri stood and chewed her lip anxiously. "Did I misspeak?" she asked, thinking that her relaxed tone had put him off.

"No, you said nothing wrong," he replied. He did not explain his retreat from the table.

She nodded, not believing him. "Goodnight then," she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. This was the point in the night where they usually parted, moving about the apartment peacefully and separately. He usually read; she meditated. She worked to overcome the struggle of focusing while he was in the room.

"Neri," he said without thought. She looked at him expectantly, halted in her progress to her chair. He had not prepared the next part of his speech. He said what came to mind. "Come, sit with me. It is early yet." He hated that he did not want to be alone, that his solitude was no longer satisfying.

She followed him to his usual seat by the window and sat on the floor, her legs crossed beneath her. He lowered himself into the seat and rested his head against the back of it.

"Is there anything you need master?" Neri asked, concerned. He was acting oddly, so far as she knew him, and she felt as though she had done something wrong. She waited for him to scold her, punish her, anything.

"No," he started, unsure of what to say. "No. My mind is restless, that is all."

She did not say that his mind should never be restless, that he should have control. She didn't even think it. He appreciated this, having not been allowed restlessness for some time.

He shifted in his seat and she froze, not wanting to do anything to disturb him. He had been gracious to her since her training had begun, but she knew him to be a volatile man. He had strewn his books about when learning what base they were headed to, had pushed a stormtrooper into a wall when they had knocked into him. For all his calm, Neri knew he was one tantrum from tossing her from the ship, and because of this, she tread carefully.

He sensed her apprehension and felt a pang of guilt, a foreign emotion for him. He had not felt it since…if he was honest he had felt it when he had killed his father, but that was fleeting and readily replaced with subservience to his cause.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, his voice low.

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. It made his chest ache.

"Have I done anything to make you fear me?"

"Not to me master. Not yet. You have been good to me in my studies."

He looked at her, studied her face as she looked out the window. She had shifted her weight, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin upon them.

"Do you believe I will?" he steadied his voice, though he knew it wanted to shake.

"I hope not."

Kylo Ren shut his eyes, wondering when he had begun to regard fear as loyalty. He knew the soldiers on the ship would just as easily seem him die as see him live, only held back from their aversion to him by what they knew he was capable of. This usually did not affect him, as he relished in the power that fear brought him, but here he was, sitting beside a small scrap of a person who had implanted a seed of doubt in his methods.

He sighed quietly, too quiet even for Neri to hear and cleared his throat. "What did you do to receive a whipping on Bohem?" he asked, curious from when he had seen her scars days before.

She smiled, still not looking at him. She was entertained by his curiosity, he thought. "Which one? There were many."

He thought for a moment. "The worst one," he said. Most instances in life did not matter after all, rather the best and worst of each.

Neri's voice was flat, robotic. She had not spoken of her time as a slave at all since she had been one, other than the brief encounter on her first night with Kylo Ren. "I was not a good servant. I had lived free for twelve years of my life and suddenly, upon turning thirteen, I was the property of another person. I had been caught, after killing Ollie, and was to be punished for my crime. I hated my owner, hated him more than Hux or any other man I've ever met. He was cruel, sadistic, loved falling asleep to the sound of crying." She looked at him, her eyes emotionless. "He used to have the children beaten just to hear the sound of their crying.

"He cut my hair the first night I lived under his rule, sawed it off with a dull razor that pulled more than it cut. It looked even worse than this, I promise you. I didn't cut it again until I came here." She smiled slightly, running her fingers through her hair. Kylo Ren was frozen, watching her and unable to look away from her lips as she spoke.

"It was a month in, a month of being beaten and whipped for my smart mouth or my stubbornness, and he called me into his room. He wanted me in the way Hux wants me, wanted to possess me so that even my body was not my own." She rested her chin on her knees again, watching the stars they passed out the window. Still, her master could not look away.

"I hit him, right in the throat, and as he was sputtering and cursing, I ran. I ran faster than I'd ever run in my entire life. Faster than I've run since. His men caught me of course, dragged me back. He whipped me, ripped my back open like it'd never been, and left me on the floor of the slaves' bathroom. They weren't allowed to touch me, not for a few days at least, and when they finally cleaned me up, the damage was done."

Kylo's lips cracked when he opened his mouth. "And he never…he never got what he wanted?" He knew he was being too intrusive, but he couldn't stop himself.

"He did," she replied. "But not from me. There was another girl, there's always another girl, and she wasn't much of a fighter. She killed herself a few days later, jumped from the cliff nearby."

He mulled her words over in his head, trying to make sense of how she could speak so plainly about something so terrible. He had seen soldiers, hardened men, crumple under less stress. He had underestimated her.

"How did you escape?" he asked, leaning forward. He rested his elbows on his knees, eager to know how she got away from such a life.

The smile that spread across her face was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, though he would never intentionally admit this. She bit her lower lip to keep the smile from spreading wider and turned to him. "I was rescued," she said. "Taken away from Bohem and that wretched life."

He heard himself asking who had rescued her, feeling disconnected from his body.

She furrowed her brow, suddenly troubled. Her lip would be swollen from her teeth against it, her leggings worn from her fingers rubbing anxiously along her thighs. "I have forgotten to whom I am speaking," she said, her body seeming to grow smaller and she held her knees.

Her master was confused, did not understand why she would suddenly close herself off. He refrained from delving into her thoughts, knowing that such an intrusion when she was so open with him would gain him nothing. He slid off the chair and knelt besides her, trying to be reassuring that she was safe. He knew that she had no reason to believe this, that he was not someone that should be trusted, but he hoped that she would not close herself off to him.

"Who took you from Bohem?" he asked, nearly begging. He needed her to trust him, more than he'd felt he needed anything in his life. He couldn't find the motivation, couldn't find the moment when he had begun to care for her wellbeing, but he felt himself intrinsically drawn to her. It was beyond reason.

She looked at him, his closeness to her body. It will be easier for him to hurt me this way, she thought, pushing it from her mind before he could read it. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, she spoke.

She nearly whispered the identity of her savior. "Han Solo," she said. "Your father."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars in any way, shape, or form. Only Neri is mine.

Chapter 9

Kylo Ren could feel rage building in his chest, rising from the name his student had just uttered. "Is this a game to you?" he asked through gritted teeth. He fought to maintain control. "Do you think that's funny?"

Neri shook beside him and he no longer cared that she feared him. "N-no master, I'm telling you the truth. Han saved me, let me stow away on his ship until I was safe."

"Why would he ever stick his neck out for you? Han Solo only cared for himself. He was always a selfish fool." He nearly spat from his anger and fought to maintain his distance from his student.

"He-you will hurt me if I tell you," Neri said, now still. She had, since being a slave, been able to accept pain once it was inevitable. She only wished that she could accept death if it was about to come to her.

Kylo Ren reached out an ungloved hand and she flinched without thinking, shrinking into herself. He did not strike her, but placed his palm on her forehead, needing the truth from what must be her lies.

 _My son is lost,_ said a voice is Neri's mind. Kylo tumbled into the memory helplessly, watching his father's pain and Neri's understanding. He felt himself in her body then, feeling the sympathy she had felt, the sadness. She gasped when he pulled his hand away, slumped back against the wall from the exertion of his intrusion.

"It isn't real," he said, standing unsteadily, needing to gain the upper hand over the again trembling woman at his feet. "It's a lie."

She was angry now, angry that Kylo Ren could not accept the man his father was. "He saved my life, took me from that place where I had only known pain from my mother's death. He didn't care what I had done, the wrongs I had allowed. He took care of me, taught me to fly. He took me to your m-General Organa when he was being hunted by every con in the galaxy. He kept me safe. Han Solo is-"

"Han Solo is dead!" he shouted, his face red from the mingling of rage and regret. "He is gone!"

Neri had tears in her eyes, refusing to let them fall. "I know that," she said quietly, stilled by his voice.

"I killed him."

She looked up at him, wiped at her face. "I know that too," she said, and she did. She had known it before he did.

Kylo Ren had turned from her, walked to the window to peer out into the vastness of space. "What?" he said, reeling on her. "Did you watch him fall with the rest of your pitiful Resistance friends? Did you watch him beg me to come home, as though I cared of him or his promises?"

The tears escaped Neri's eyes and she steadied herself. She stood, refusing to die sniveling at this man's feet when he inevitably let his rage take hold. "I dreamt it," she said, looking up at him. Her body was inches from his, and though she was much smaller and much weaker than him, Kylo Ren could feel the power radiating from her.

"I had been on the Falcon for months, working for your father. He is your father, no matter how you deny it." She set her jaw and steeled herself, knowing that these could be her last words. "I dreamt of you alone, running from the life you had chosen though you didn't realize it yet. I saw you beg him for help, saw him willing to do anything to save you. I saw your despicable red blade go through him before he fell, and the regret you felt after. When I awoke, I told him what I had seen."

Her master staggered back a step, bumping into the window. He could not escape her gaze, her accusations. He opened his mouth to speak, to regain his footing as her superior, but she interrupted his attempt.

"I said goodbye to him at the base, knowing that it would be the last time I ever saw him. He said goodbye and that he loved me, knowing this as well. He told your mother that he would bring you back, that Ben Solo would live again, but he lied. He knew that he was going to his death. I begged Poe to let me fly with them, thinking that I could stop what had already been set in motion, but I couldn't do it. I failed in my mission and I failed the only man who had ever tried to be a father to me. Because of you." She spat out the last sentence, unable to contain the pain she felt from the death of Han Solo any longer.

She hated Han at that moment, hated him for making her want to help the beast before her. Ben Solo was dead. Kylo Ren remained. The glimpses of humanity she had thought she saw were a lie.

Neri turned and ran from the apartment before he could retaliate. Her master sunk to the ground and wept.

A/N – A short but exhausting chapter! He couldn't be niceties and heart eyes forever. More soon!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars (sadly).

A/N – I am having so much fun writing this story! I hope you're enjoying it too. I don't have a beta so I hope I got most of the corrections needed. Thank you so much for reading.

Chapter 10

The next morning, Kylo Ren woke up suddenly, as though shaken from his slumber. He had not dozed off until the early morning, his thoughts and heart racing at what Neri had told him and how he had acted in response. He had sought out her energy again and again, but she had shut herself off to him as she had done upon their first meeting. He looked for her throughout the ship, scaring stormtroopers and droids with his erratic behavior, and finally collapsed into his bed at three. She was nowhere to be found. He realized that he was worried about what could have happened to her, thought that perhaps Hux or worse had found her. It would be entirely his fault if she were hurt.

He felt her before he saw her, her defenses finally lowered. As he sat up in his bed, still wearing his rumpled clothes from the night before, his eyes found her in her usual chair by the door. She was still, quiet, and he wondered how he had not woken when she came into the room.

He stumbled out of the bed and walked quickly, clumsily to her side, stopping a few feet away. His shaking hands smoothed his bedhead anxiously, and he could not think of anything to say. He must have looked a fool, a pathetic fool at that moment. He had rushed to her before composing himself, had given no thought to his self-preservation.

She did not look at him. "I have come to accept my punishment," she said flatly, her voice hoarse. She did not look it, but she had been crying the better part of the night, her eyes only just losing their redness.

Punishment? He was momentarily astounded. He had acted abysmally and she expected punishment? What a monster he had become. He kneeled next to the chair, his face level with her, and cleared his throat.

"There is no punishment," he assured her, his voice pleading. He found himself not caring about how he looked, what the others on the ship or even Supreme Leader thought of him. This woman was his only connection to feeling human, the only one to truly assume the best of him in a long time. He craved her good opinion, was crushed that he had lost it.

Her voice retained its robotic tone; her eyes glazed over. "I was insubordinate to my teacher, my master. I deserve punishment. I will not fight you again. I will do as you say." She was not herself and he hated it. He hated the possibility that he had smothered the fire he knew was in her, the fire that drew him in like a moth.

Kylo reached his hand out to grasp hers, to make her move in any way, but he let it drop into his lap, sinking down onto his legs with it. "I should not have acted in such a way. It was…inhuman of me. I acted as you and everyone else expects me to act, and I am ashamed." He looked at his hands, feeling unworthy of her. It felt strange, foreign, and he wondered if this was the root of all weakness. Inadequacy, his constant companion.

He heard her movement but did not look up, unsure of how he must conduct himself. He flinched when he felt her hand atop his head, small and fragile like a bird. She touched him tentatively, fingertips just brushing his knotted hair, and he shuddered at the thoughts that coursed through his mind. He did not deserve to have them.

"Are you apologizing to me?" she asked, bewildered.

He raised his head, causing her to pull back her hand. "Yes," he said bluntly. He would apologize for every wrong in his life if it made her stop looking at him in that way. "I was unable to handle the truth, to handle the…enormity of my actions. You confronted me with my own past and I was not man enough to face it. I am sorry." His voice was low, the words strange in his mouth. He could not remember apologizing to anyone, save Supreme Leader Snoke, in years, but here he was, bearing his heart to a woman he owed nothing to.

But that wasn't entirely true. She had saved his life, spared him his final judgment on the Starkiller base. She had the opportunity to end his wretched existence and did not. He owed her everything.

"I forgive you," she whispered, as though she barely wanted him to hear it. "For…everything."

There was a dull ache in his chest, a tightness he could not place. "I do not deserve that," he replied sullenly, knowing it to be the truth. He had done more, would do more, than could be forgiven with one utterance. He bore his heart to her then but knew, in the back of his mind, that the call to the dark was strong. He knew that he was too weak to resist it.

"All men deserve redemption."

Kylo finally looked at her, taken aback by his father's words coming from her mouth. He noticed her cracked lips, the bags beneath her eyes.

"Where did you go last night?" he asked, not moving from his spot. He was afraid to budge, did not want to scare her away again. "I could not sense you."

Her lips ticked upward slightly. "Are you impressed?" she asked lightly, her voice hiding the fatigue she felt. "I did not want you to find me. I heard you calling my name and... I was afraid. I thought you meant to kill me."

His face crumpled at this, knowing that he might have taken her life if she had remained near him. She was wise to run away; he could not be trusted. "Where did you sleep?"

"I didn't."

He tried again. "Where did you stay?"

She blushed. "A closet. I'm not sure what floor it is on."

He smiled downwardly at her resourcefulness. All of the closets were locked, opened only by the droids. She must have forced her way in. "Did anyone see you?"

She set her jaw. "No. Your reputation is sound."

He glanced at her and then at the floor, repelled by the look in her eye. "I did well enough tarnishing my reputation on my own last night, thank you." He heard her laugh, a small, beautiful sound. "I just wanted to be sure that…no one found you. You left your knife."

"I was alone master. I did not see anyone of consequence."

"Do not call me that." The words were harsh, came out of his mouth before he thought of them.

"But you said-"

"Yes, I know what I said. I changed my mind. Do not call me that unless you are before Supreme Leader."

"Why?"

He groaned in frustration. "Just because Neri, must I explain my every thought to you?"

She smiled at his frustration, unafraid of him. She had seen much worse the night before. "Yes," she said playfully.

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, willing himself to be patient. He would be a better man to her than he had been. "You have had enough masters for one life. I do not want to be…associated with them. You've already cut your hair off to begin this servitude, I don't need any more parallels."

She was silent and he glanced up at her, not knowing what her face would hold. He did not expect confusion.

"I chose to do this," she said sturdily, as though trying to convince herself. "I chose to serve you and chose to cut my hair. I told you, I couldn't get past the blood."

"Knots are just knots Neri. You could have gotten them out."

"Some obstacles are best removed. They weren't worth the pain."

"Wise words," he said thoughtfully, mulling them over.

She laughed and he felt his chest relax. "It's just hair." She was quiet for another moment. "What do you want me to call you?"

He shrugged. "What do you want to call me?"

She tilted her head down, looking at him through her eyelashes. If she was trying to make his pulse race, she was succeeding. "I cannot call you that," she said, her voice cautious.

"Call me what?" he felt spellbound, pulled in again by her. She could call him anything and he would allow it at that moment.

"Ben," she said, reaching her hand out to touch her fingertips to his flushed cheeks. Her eyes were warm and he noticed that they were especially blue in the dim light of his rooms.

His face became stony. She could call him anything. Anything but that. "Ben Solo is-"

Her hand retracted. "Dead. Yes." She was succinct, shut off once more. "I will call you Kylo," she said, not pressing the issue.

"Neri-" he began, not entirely sure of what he was going to say.

She interrupted him, standing and stepping away from his kneeling form. "There is nothing to discuss. I misspoke. When do we resume my training?"

The harsh tone of her voice made Kylo feel torn, unsure of what he wanted. When she said his name…his former name, he thought he could be that man. When he looked down at his hands, scarred by his many endeavors as a servant to Snoke and the First Order, he knew he could not be. He searched for indifference within himself and stood, towering above her.

"I will get ready. Eat."

They spent the remainder of the day in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. Disney has not yet accepted my offer of four dollars.

A/N – I have my graduate school orientation today so I won't be able to post much, but I got up early to write! I'm not obsessed or anything… but I may write on the train there. Also! If you're writing and find you can't focus like me, use the Hans Zimmer station on Pandora. It's all incredible movie scores with absolutely no vocals to distract. Think Star Wars, Inception, and Pirates of the Caribbean level of epic.

Chapter 11

Neri opened her eyes the following morning with the distinct feeling that something was off. She stood slowly, her bones aching from the training a distant Kylo Ren had put her through the day before, and quieted her mind to feel where the disturbance was coming from. It wasn't her mind, but her feet that determined this.

They weren't moving; there was no familiar vibration beneath her soles. It felt strange, like being jerked out of a full run suddenly, and she looked around the room for anything else that was amiss. She did not see her teacher, could not feel him when she reached out with the Force. He hadn't been able to sneak about much without her noticing in the preceding few days and she wondered if he had kept her unconscious on purpose, if he was avoiding her presence.

Shrugging, telling herself not to care, Neri padded lightly to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Her fingers traveled through her cropped hair, finally used to the lack of mass there, and then rubbed the sleep from her eyes drowsily. Her night had been fitful, filled with dreams of falling endlessly, no bottom to the black void of her subconscious.

She looked at herself in the mirror and was unsure that she knew who was looking back at her. She had the same bones, same eyes, but they were weary and her face slightly drawn from several nights of not resting easily. The bruises that marred her skin were all but gone, just yellow shadows on her cheekbones that reminded her that she could be treated much worse. Her fingers grazed the scabs on her head and she smiled. The cuts were nearly gone. She would have scars, but scars weren't fundamentally bad. Kylo's face was no less beautiful for his.

She froze, staring at herself in the mirror in horror. She could not think such things, could not let those thoughts come to the surface of her mind. She could not acknowledge the pull to him, could not let him realize that she was being torn apart by her fear of him and her need for him. He had noticed that her mind was fatigued, but he did not know that it was from keeping such thoughts at bay. He could never know.

Neri scrubbed her face with icy water, dispelling the warmth that rose in her at the thought of her teacher. She grumbled at Han Solo for making her think that his son could be good, that he could be human. She grumbled at Kylo for lying to her, for being anything other than the raging monster he had been two nights before. She knew that he was that man deep down and that anything else was a manipulation. She must not fall prey.

Her mind raced at the thought of what she was doing. He was teaching her to control her hold over the Force, yes, but at what cost? Would she meet the Supreme Leader and pledge her loyalty to him, to his twisted idea of justice? Would she too be the prey of the darkness, doing whatever it took for more power? Neri stared at herself, willing the light to stay within her. She was a good person, could not turn. She would learn all she needed and use it to escape. She would…leave him. That thought made her chest ache and she chided herself for foolishness.

Kylo Ren was nothing to her. There would be nothing to leave.

Neri cleaned herself quickly, dressing in her uniform with familiarity. She had worn the same thing, in two identical sets, since her training had begun. Her tunic and leggings felt like a second skin, her pair of boots an old friend. She inspected her body in the mirror now, admiring the way her limbs grew thicker from the novel muscle she was building. She knew she was not yet strong, at least not strong enough to approach success over her teacher, but she thought she could stand a chance defending herself. At least against someone small…someone distracted. She sighed. She had only just begun.

She stepped out of the bathroom and looked around, still seeing no sign of her teacher. Food had been left on the table by droids while she prepared herself for the day and she chewed absentmindedly, walking over to the window that Kylo Ren so loved. It was strange to see the inside of a hangar rather than the vastness of space, and she looked down at the activity below with fascination.

The First Order base moved much in the way the Resistance had. Pilots ran about with their mechanics fixing things; soldiers marched in formation drills. She noticed now, after being exposed to them for over a week, that the stormtroopers' uniforms were not as identical as she thought. Each soldier had something unique, something small that set him or her apart. She wondered if they had chosen to do this or if the First Order had. They were so very different from the images she had seen of the Empire's cloned foot soldiers.

Her eyes were drawn to a door at the far end of the hangar suddenly and she waited for it to open, knowing who would walk through. Her teacher, cloak billowing behind him, strode through the hangar confidently; at his side was Hux. As they approached the ship, Kylo looked up, sensing her gaze. He beckoned for her to come to him and she cowered, not wanting to be in the presence of the other man.

She could not disobey him. She had promised not to. Her legs were leaden as she walked out of the apartment and through the halls of the massive ship. It was only the second time she had been about without him, the only other instance being when she had frantically fled his rage. She surprised herself by not getting lost and eventually came to the departure ramp. Neri hesitated, not having stepped foot on solid ground for far too long, and then told herself to stop being stupid. She was a pilot. Solid ground was a luxury.

Her steps onto the hangar floor were quiet, her strides small. She did not want to march brazenly to her teacher's side where she knew Hux stood as well. A shiver ran down her spine as she walked and she turned her head to look around her, feeling a gust of wind. She froze for a moment at the sight of the open hangar door, having never seen what laid beyond with her own two eyes.

The planet beyond the base was white, frozen and barren. She had never seen so much snow before, so little life. She was mesmerized by it for a moment and did not move. The cold air blew her hair about wildly, made her eyes tear and brighten.

"You will freeze if you stand still long enough," said a voice behind her and she jumped, turning.

Her teacher stood alone, towering over her imposingly. She looked around him, searching.

"Hux is gone," he stated simply. "He had a sudden need to check on Captain Phasma."

Neri bit her lip to stop a smile from forming. "Thank you sir, I did not want to be near him."

He nodded curtly and turned on his heel. Neri jogged to keep up.

"Do you hate the cold?" she asked him as they moved towards the door he had emerged from.

"Why do you say that?" he didn't turn to her as he spoke.

"You were…unhappy when you found out what base we were to go to."

The corners of his lips rose slightly but Neri did not see. She was trying to match her small strides to his. "I do not like the cold. I do not like the hot either. Weather must work hard to please me." They passed through the door and he slowed his stride, allowing her to walk more easily.

She didn't ask where they were going. She walked quietly beside him, content that he was speaking to her at all. She looked straight ahead, knowing that if she glanced over at him she would begin to admire his features, his expressions. She couldn't bear the mental exertion so early in the day.

Unbeknownst to her, Kylo Ren was having the same internal struggle, was fighting to ignore it. He knew Supreme Leader could listen into his thoughts any time and masked them against him, refusing to let him learn of his…distractions. He led her in silence to her room, which had been chosen not for its proximity to his (he was on an entirely different floor) but its proximity to the planet beyond. She was on the ground floor, just a hallway away from the outdoors. Snoke had informed Kylo that her loyalty to the cause could be tested, her will to stay in his training, by placing her so close to freedom. Kylo did not respond with what he was thinking, that he hoped she would choose him over freezing to death on a foreign planet.

They stopped at a door suddenly and Neri nearly ran into her teacher, catching herself an inch away. Kylo stiffened, feeling her closeness to him, and waved a hand before the keypad on the wall. He stepped inside as though the space was his and Neri followed, thinking it was.

"I will come for you later," he said, looking around at everything but the small woman in front of him. "Settle in. The droids will put your clothes in the closet once they are ready."

She was taken back for a moment. "Is this mine?" she asked, eyes wide. She had entirely forgotten that Kylo informed her of her own room upon arrival at the base. She had never had her own room. With her mother, they had shared a squat, one room hut; with Han she had had a bunk; as a slave she had had a patch of floor. The Resistance housed its pilots together, and there she was the least alone.

"Where did you think you would be staying?" Kylo asked, finally allowing himself to look at her. She was windswept, excited, a light in her eyes that had been absent for a few days. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and their quick departure to her rooms, and Kylo's fingers twitched to touch them.

"With you," she answered quietly, cheeks going from pink to red. She wanted to kick herself for letting those words slip from her mouth. She was an idiot.

He cleared his throat and hardened his voice. "Supreme Leader Snoke preferred you be here."

"Yes sir, it is a very beautiful room."

Kylo laughed then, looking around. If he were being generous, he would call it stark, cozy. If he were being realistic, he would call it empty and small. "Is it?" he asked.

"It's my first room." She sounded ashamed by her lifelong scarcity and Kylo found himself humbled for teasing her. "Are you far away?" she asked. He caught her eyes for a moment. "In case I have a problem or something." She wanted to chew off her own tongue.

"I will show you later. Rest, I'll return in a few hours. I have something I need to take care of." His tone was clipped, cool. He would remain professional, lest he lose his mind.

"Thank you Kylo."

He reveled in the way his name sounded coming from her mouth but would not dwell on it. With a curt nod, he turned and left.

Neri watched the closing door and then rotated on her heel, fascinated by her very own room. She had a bed, a real bed, which sat beside a large window (!), allowing her to lie on her side and gaze out at the sunlit expanse of the planet. She hadn't even seen natural light for a week and it warmed her while she spread out on the bed. It was a luxury she hadn't dreamed of. She also had a chair that looked suspiciously like the one she slept on in her teacher's room, a small table, a shelf, and two mirrors. Her bathroom was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, from the small tub to the toilet that she wouldn't share with anyone to the mirrored cabinet that held a toothbrush and toiletries. She felt herself a princess and stifled the urge to scream. In the back of her mind, she could see the draw to the darkness, if it afforded such beauty.

Outside her door, her teacher still stood, his back against the wall. He could feel the joy radiating from her, the astonishment she had at such small things. He wondered when he had last been able to find happiness in simplicity, when he had been able to find happiness at all. Her emotions washed over him and he invited them, letting himself be warmed.

Peeling himself from the wall, he stepped away, off to see a droid about a dress.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. I raised my offer to five dollars but Disney still didn't accept.

A/N – I was super happy to have an entire hour to write while on the train to Manhattan and then my $30 round trip ticket (including subway fare!) blew away into the black void that is the universe's sense of humor. Second ticket in hand, here I go, writing this chapter. I'm just a little bitter.

Chapter 12

Several hours later, Neri paced her room anxiously. Kylo had not yet returned and she was beginning to grow foolishly worried. She did not know where his rooms were, where she could find him, and felt herself slowly going insane. She had lay on the bed admiring the landscape, taken a long bath, inspected every inch of her new space, but he had still not returned. She had no books, no diversions, and was beginning to get very restless.

Knowing that an individual such as her should not be plagued with idleness, she sat down on the floor by her window, folding her legs beneath her comfortably. She shut her eyes and her mind and focused on the quiet, soon slipping into a contented meditation. It was in this way that her teacher found her.

He had knocked on her door several times, saying her name loudly enough for her to hear but not loud enough to draw the attention of the few passing servicepersons and droids. He felt for her mind and received no response, no indication that she was present. Feeling a moment of panic, Kylo Ren opened the door and stepped inside, scanning the room frantically.

There she was, on the floor, the dying light of the day illuminating her serene features. She was still as death; the only indication that was still for this earth came from the slow, steady movements of her chest as she breathed. He stepped over to her quietly, dumbstruck that he had not been able to sense her presence at all. He knew he should not wake her, should not interrupt, but, judging from the setting sun, they did not have much time to prepare for the night's challenges.

Kylo gave himself another moment to appreciate her motionless form, the calm on her face that he had never seen before. She looked so innocent, so soothed by her momentary escape from the world. Her small hands rested on her thighs, fingertips massacred by her anxious picking. He wished she wouldn't do that to herself; he wished to hold those hands. Shaking his head, he snapped himself out of his reverie.

He bent down beside her, face next to her ear. "Neri," he whispered gently. "You must come back now." She stirred, not quite at the surface yet. "Come back to me now." His words sounded like a lover's invitation, he realized a moment too late. He hoped she did not truly hear him.

"Ky?" she murmured, eyes opening groggily. She yawned and saw his face beside her, not surprised by his presence in the least. He had called to her after all. Her smile was one to be expected after the best night's sleep, full and warm as she stretched. "Have you been here long? I was waiting for you."

Kylo felt his chest swelling at what she had called him. Ky? He could live with Ky. "No, I haven't been here long. I'm sorry I was delayed." He stood to his full height, holding his hand out to help her rise.

She took it, standing slowly on stiff legs. "Thank you," she said, looking up at him. "What time is it?"

He shrugged. "Nearing normal dinner time I think," he said, unbothered. She only then realized that he held something in his hand, aloft to keep it from dragging on the floor.

"What is that?" she asked, curiosity blossoming.

He just seemed to remember its presence as well. He fumbled with it for a moment, holding it out to her. "A dress," he muttered, stating the obvious once the garment was in her hands.

It was the most beautiful thing Neri had ever seen, more beautiful than her room and the sunset behind her. It was entirely and unsurprisingly black, the top made of delicate lacework over solid fabric that extended to the floor and would hug her small frame intimately. She looked at it as though it were a precious artifact, something priceless.

"Why are you giving me a dress? This cannot be part of my training."

Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick out at odd angles. "It is. Partly. There is a celebration of sorts tonight, to show those on the base that the First Order has not been crumbled by the attack on the Starkiller."

"Like a morale booster?"

He nodded, shrugging dismissively. "I think it's idiotic to do such a thing at times of war, but the commanders demand it. I suppose they think food and spirits will make better soldiers of their men."

Neri set the dress on her bed carefully, trying her best not to wrinkle it. "What does this celebration have to do with me?" she asked, as she was not a soldier of the First Order. Not directly anyway.

"We are expected to attend, you especially really." She looked puzzled at his words, so he continued. "You, in your training with me, show hope for progress, for growth. We don't have to be there for very long. They'll be drunk and distracted soon enough."

Neri mulled this over in her mind. "Okay," she said simply.

He inspected her face for an indication that more was in her thoughts. "Okay? Just like that? You aren't going to ask me a thousand more questions?"

"I have one more."

"Of course you do."

She looked up at him impishly. "Do you think my boots will show under this dress?"

With that, he shook his head in irritation and left her room. Her flats for the evening were left by the door a few moments later by a droid.

Neri looked at herself in her mirror nervously. She had smoothed her hair the best she could, fighting with a stubborn cowlick in the back that would not cooperate for the longest time. She finally ruffled it, settling for the tousled look. She had been given a small case of makeup for the evening but had no idea how to use it, having never worn any before. She had found a small tin of balm for her lips and slathered that on generously, storing it in her bathroom for future use. She knew that cracked lips were not to be had for the night.

When she slipped her dress down over her head, it felt like she was putting on a second skin. It hugged her as closely as she thought it would, and she was sure that it had been custom made for her measurements by the expert droids that always seemed to turn out new types of armor. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she supposed that was what she wore. She was going into battle after all.

She pulled on the shoes left for her, soft flats that she was endlessly grateful for, and then sat in her chair, waiting to be retrieved for the evening. Her stomach turned, butterflies rampantly fluttering about, and she rubbed her bare arms absentmindedly, wishing that they were covered. She had realized, when pulling her dress on, that the scars on her back were entirely covered, and she wondered if her teacher had any say in this, having been the only one to see them. She felt bare all the same, more skin showing than had been exposed in the past week. She missed her tunic and leggings, the safety of their coverage, and shook her head, telling herself she was an idiot.

Neri tried to calm her mind, but she was too excited, too anxious, or both. She jumped when there was a harsh knock on the door. She stood, smoothed the front of her dress down, and stepped carefully, trying not to trip. Pulling the door open, she was confused, as there stood a woman she had never seen before on the other side.

The woman was tall, far taller than her, with short blonde hair that nearly matched her own in color and length. She wore the dress uniform of a military woman, medals adorning her chest as much as any man on base. She looked down at Neri with no expression on her face, and the small woman was too stunned to try to read her emotions.

"Your master is delayed in coming, so I assured him that I would escort you to the party," the woman said curtly, and Neri felt herself nodding dumbly. She stepped into the hall and fell in with the woman.

"I'm sorry, I don't know your-"

The woman laughed suddenly, more of a bark than anything. "I forget that most people here haven't seen me without my mask." Her voice held a beautiful accent that mesmerized Neri. She wondered where she was from. "You may call me Phasma."

Neri knew that name, an image of the woman's uniform flashing in her mind's eye. "Yes, Captain Phasma, I'm so sorry. I haven't really met anyone."

"I would think not. I'm sure you've been busy with your training. Are you enjoying it?"

Something in the captain's tone made the hairs on Neri's neck stand on end and she thought that she should be very tactful with her responses to any inquiries. "My master is very strict, but structure is necessary in any training. As I'm sure you of all people know." The words came easily out of her mouth, and she wondered where she had learned to speak so smoothly. Kylo must have been rubbing off on her.

Captain Phasma smiled, satisfied with her answer. There was something in her eye that told Neri that their conversation would be far from private. She had to remember whom the captain answered to after all, niceties aside.

"And you were a Resistance fighter before, it must have been so difficult to choose to change sides so abruptly. Had you no loyalty to their cause?"

Neri chose not to be insulted by the captain's words. She knew that her loyalty would be questioned eventually, and she had thought of her answer each night before falling asleep in her former enemy's room. As she spoke, she wondered how much her words were true.

"My loyalties are, as ever, to myself. The Resistance gave me nothing, took everything. My master offered me everything and takes only what is needed to progress my training. He knew that I needed a teacher and I will serve him well."

"And serve the First Order well?"

Neri did not look at the captain, knowing that her face could betray her. "My master's master is mine as well," she said cryptically. The more time she spent in training, the less she thought that Kylo Ren had any loyalties towards the organization he found himself in. He only ever spoke of serving the Supreme Leader. This was not to be revealed by her.

The pair of women rounded a corner and, finally, they had arrived at the party. The room it was held in was huge, and Neri wondered how both that room and the hangar fit within the base. It must have been the size of a city. It looked like any other party she had seen, with food and drink and music coming from an unknown source. There was not a single stormtrooper uniform to be found, rather just men and women interacting casually in formal military dress. It unsettled Neri, knowing that any of these people would have killed her a week ago.

Several of the attendees looked at them when they walked in, nodding respectfully at their superior and then staring openly at her. Neri fought not to squirm, knowing that she must never appear frightened before these people. Weakness was not a tolerated attribute in the First Order. She lifted her chin and endured the stares, knowing that her novelty must soon wear off.

"Captain," said a low voice behind them. Neri felt her muscles relax at the familiarity of it, and she turned to face her teacher.

"Ah, Ren, I've delivered your apprentice in one piece as promised. If you'll excuse me, I am sure there is a very large drink waiting to be handed to me by my squad." With a curt nod to the both of them, Captain Phasma walked away.

Neri suddenly felt awkward with the man she had spent every waking moment with for the preceding week. She again felt bare and crossed her arms over her stomach as though that could help. She glanced at him, noticing that he had combed his hair for the occasion and that his clothing was slightly different, more formal. He looked very handsome, she thought, though she pushed this aside as quickly as it came.

"Come, let's get out of the doorway," he said, striding to a far corner of the room.

Neri again noticed herself being watched and, fortified by the presence of Kylo, she stared back at each person with a falsely knowing look that made them turn away immediately. She wondered if she appeared to be as intimidating as the man beside her and then laughed inwardly, knowing that she could never achieve such a thing.

They stood quietly for a moment, Neri still glaring at soldiers, but eventually she grew bored.

"What are we meant to do here?" she asked quietly, just loud enough for him to hear over the music.

He looked at her quickly and then away. "We are meant to look as though we know a great many secrets that they do not, and to look like we are sharing these secrets despite the revelry around us. I'll probably say something shocking and you'll be rightfully shocked but then quickly controlled, setting them tittering amongst themselves."

"Are we meant to always be separate from them?"

"We are separate from them Neri."

"Are they meant to be frightened of us?"

"If they are frightened, just think of how the enemy will feel. How do you think the stories of my viciousness spread? They are never meant to feel like my equal. It is…not my doing, just the way that it must be done."

She thought about this for a moment, knowing for a fact that Kylo Ren's scare tactics had worked on the entirety of the Resistance fighters. They were all terrified of him though she, knowing him better now than most, couldn't be motivated to feel the same way. "I understand."

They were quiet for a moment, Neri keeping her expression passive, nearly bored. She was becoming genuinely bored when her teacher's hushed voice startled her.

"You look very beautiful tonight Neri," he said so quietly that it could have been entirely to himself.

She blinked several times and glanced at him quickly before returning her eyes to the growing crowd. "If you are trying for shocking, that just isn't fair," she said, keeping her tone controlled. The butterflies in her stomach went mad.

His voice was as calm as ever. "You can feign shock later as I tell you of the weather or the new uniform regulations. Right now I'm merely speaking the truth."

She wanted to look at him, to find the lie, but she instead chewed the insides of her cheeks, staring at the crowd until her eyes watered. Words bubbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "It isn't fair, you know, for you to go from lightness and cordiality to unaffected or brooding or dark within a matter of seconds. My training is not so advanced yet that I can keep up with the polarity."

Kylo Ren's eyes flew to her, genuinely taken back by her words. He was not surprised by the sentiment, but that she had spoken it. She had spoken no lies. He regained his composure in a split second, ever the master of falsity.

"It is not my intention to expose you to my extremes," he stated blandly, eyes focused on the floor. "You bring out both the best and worst in me, I suppose."

Neri was about to spin on her heel, to answer his cryptic nonsense head on, when she heard the last thing in the galaxy she wanted.

"Ren, Neri Lei, how lovely to see you here this evening." Hux's voice dripped with simulated sincerity and the young woman who now found herself too close to him fought the urge to gag.

She froze, the hairs on her neck raised. Kylo looked at her discreetly as they turned to face the general, and she felt calm washing over her that wasn't her own. The tendrils of his power enveloped her, willing her to feel protected. He would not let the snake harm her.

"Hux," Kylo said, his tone civil but curt. He stood tall, imposingly, and Neri was grateful for his presence.

"General." She wanted to run; she wanted to gouge the man's eyes out for traveling over her partially exposed body. Her face, her body, appeared calm, but in her head she had already fled the scene. Her teacher's presence in her mind was the only thing that kept her feet planted firmly where she stood.

"Come now," said Hux. "Why so serious? This is a party after all! Ren, you work her too hard, must let her have some fun! Especially when she looks so…magnificent." He stared at Neri until she returned his gaze, feeling like a prey that had been caught unawares. "Perhaps she'd like a drink or even a dance." The general held a hand out to her, gesturing that he would free her from the boredom of her company.

Neri spoke before Kylo could, the words flowing out of her mouth smoothly. "I do not dance or drink general, but thank you for your offer. Neither pursuit will aid me in my training."

"You don't think so?" Hux replied.

She smiled at him, thinking that perhaps she came across as alluring but having only murderous intentions. "Dancing won't save my life."

The look on Hux's face was pure malice, his eyes narrow and grin wolfish. "On this base it will," he said.

It was only after he had walked away that Neri realized his threat.

"What-" she started, looking at her teacher. His presence was gone from her, the false sense of calm removed. She fought to maintain her own serenity.

"I'll kill him if he so much as looks at you again," Kylo interrupted, seething. He looked down at her, his eyes searching her face. "You know that I will protect you don't you? Until you don't need me to anymore."

Neri shivered. "You cannot be with me always."

They spent the rest of their evening in silence, looking every bit as menacing and preoccupied as they were meant to. Neri thought she would become a great deceiver if she were forced to attend many more parties.

Just before midnight, Kylo walked with Neri slowly back to her rooms. They had not drank, had not danced, and had only eaten small bites of food offered to them by passing droids. Neri was too anxious too eat, Kylo too angry. He had tolerated Hux for too long, working with him to please Supreme Leader, but he had seen too much into the man's head to maintain civil indifference any longer. Didn't the general understand that she was not to be treated as some common whore, someone to lust after and drink in with greedy eyes? She was his apprentice, the next master of the Force. She was to be respected, if not elevated above the wretched fool.

They reached her rooms too quickly, Kylo not knowing what to say. It had been a disaster of an evening, between his foolish compliment and that snake's presence. Neri was completely out of sorts, irritated and anxious.

They stood at her closed door for a moment in silence, awkward despite their constant company of the past several days.

"Neri," he finally said, not meeting her eyes. "If I was too forward with my words-"

"You weren't. I am grateful for your compliment, only slightly taken back by it." She chewed her lips and Kylo's fingers twitched to touch them.

"Goodnight then." His words were slow, clumsy, and he found himself not wanting to leave. As he turned, his progress was halted suddenly by her arms around his middle, pulling herself flush to him.

He, not having been touched by anyone for a very long time, wrapped his arms around her slowly, unfamiliar with the sensation. Her body was warm, arms smooth where his fingertips lay. He shut his eyes, stifling the feeling of rightness he felt.

Her head barely reached his chin, feathery hair tickling his neck. Kylo's breath stilled as she pulled back, a blush on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly. "I just-thank you. For giving me calm."

With that, she turned on her heel and touched her finger to the keypad beside the door, stepping inside quickly before it closed. Her teacher was left there, dumbstruck, blinking at the wall for several moments.

He felt…full, as though his chest were about to explode. He felt cold, as though her small body was the only thing warming him. He felt desire but stifled it immediately, feeling guilty that he may be as lusty as the general. With a small smile, he turned and meandered back to his rooms.

Several minutes later, when Neri had taken off her shoes and was readying herself to remove her beautiful dress, there was a knock on the door. She chided herself for how excited she got at the thought of Kylo returning, regardless of his purpose. She had thought herself a fool for embracing him at all, for exposing herself to him in such a way, but perhaps she had been wrong.

She opened the door with a smile on her face, hopeful. "Did you forget some-" she started, only to freeze in her place.

The smiling face of General Hux greeted her, meanness in his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars, only my OC Neri.

A/N – What would a fanfic be without a gratuitous party scene? I couldn't help myself. And 30 followers?! Yas I love you all thank you for motivating me to keep writing.

Chapter 13

Neri stilled herself, refusing to tremble as General Hux looked down at her face condescendingly. He sneered, splayed hands on either side of the doorway to take up as much space as possible.

"Is there something I can help you with general?" Neri asked, her voice falsely at ease. She glanced into her room, at her knife resting on a small table just a few feet away and then back at the imposing form of her nightmare come true.

"I'm sure there are many things that you could help me with Neri Lei," replied Hux slimily. He looked past her, into the room, and Neri knew that he was checking for her protector. "May I come in?"

He was so close that Neri could smell his foul breath, a mix of liquor and stagnation. She knew he was drunk and dangerous. "I don't believe that is a good idea general," she said, her voice nearly trembling. She went over training drills in her head, wishing that she had just once been able to defeat Kylo. She would feel much more confident in her abilities that way. She took a deep breath and steadied herself, muscles twitching from the adrenaline rushing through her veins.

Hux sidestepped her and walked into the room as though he were entitled to it. The door slid shut automatically behind him and Neri fought the urge to reopen it and flee. She had a moment of boldness and refused to surrender her space to this man. Instead, she sidled over to the table and quietly grabbed her knife, gripping it behind her back.

"This room is terribly small," Hux said, inspecting it. He stepped over her discarded shoes and towards her bed, a smile growing on his face. "I could get you something more luxurious."

"I am very content, thank you."

Hux looked to every corner of her living space, not entirely convinced that Kylo Ren was not hiding behind a curtain or in a closet. Once determining that they were alone, he turned to face Neri, that sickening smiling lighting his features.

"Finally just us," he said, moving towards her.

She stood with her back to the door, one hand gripping her knife and the other ready to press the button to allow her to run from the room. Her thoughts were panicked and she wondered if she could focus enough to call for Kylo. She wondered if his mind was searching for her then.

"You should leave general," she said uncertainly. She steadied herself and focused her eyes on his. "You will leave this room and not return." She tried to have conviction.

He laughed, a loud jeering bark. "Your master should work on that with you. Do you really think, after being in his loathsome presence for so long, that I haven't figured out how to shield myself from your mind tricks? I would be surprised if even he could sway me at this point. No, Neri, I don't think I will be leaving this room for some time. I've only just got you alone."

Neri pressed the keypad that operated the door but nothing happened. She pressed it again, to no avail.

"I had the droids disable it pet, just for tonight. I wouldn't want to cut our evening short."

She was suddenly furious, absolutely enraged that this monster thought he could take her as a plaything. She shook from the rage, readying herself to die before she let him touch her.

"Now, now, don't get worked up," Hux chided, tapping his fingers on the table to Neri's immediate right. "I know how badly you want this too. I saw it when we first met, and again tonight. You cannot tell me that your master is satisfying you."

She nearly spat at him, would have if only her mouth had not gone so desperately dry. He not only insulted her but her teacher, and that truly could not stand. "I am training to be a master of the Force and will not be treated as some insipid girl for you to play games with! You insult my master and Supreme Leader with your nonsense."

Hux stepped closer to her and she did not retreat, only gripping her knife tighter in her hand behind her back. "Nonsense? You accuse me of playing games Neri Lei? I can show you just how serious I am." He reached out suddenly, gripping her throat tightly with both hands. She struggled to breathe, her head swimming in seconds, and slashed at him with her knife. The tip caught his shoulder and he snarled, putting more pressure on her neck.

Neri felt herself being lifted from the ground and wondered if she would die. Her eyes ached from the pressure in her head and she could not get a breath into her lungs. Hux held her away from him, too far for her arms to reach and make any real damage.

She calmed herself, forcing serenity, refusing to allow him to have power over her, and kicked out with all of her remaining strength. Her bare heels caught him in the stomach and he dropped her painfully to the floor. Gasping for air, she rolled away from him, rising several feet away and steadying herself on weak legs.

"You bitch," he said, his voice filled with ire. "You'll wish for death by the time I'm finished with you."

Neri looked around her for any other weapon that she could use. Her fingers still gripped her knife, holding it out in front of her, knuckles turning white from the pressure. She had nothing but herself and her blade, and was assured that she could turn it on her own body before letting him have her.

Hux charged at her and Neri ducked, spinning and kicking him heavily in the back as he passed. He stumbled forward, into the far wall, his head hitting it with a solid, satisfying thud. When he turned, his forehead was cut and beginning to bleed, though this did not keep him from charging her again unsteadily on drunken legs. Neri ducked behind her chair, unable to dodge a blow from his fist on her jaw, and then boldly raised herself to her full height, the memory of Kylo's voice in her combat training flooding her mind and calming her.

Hux was larger than her but she was faster, able to catch him in the throat before finding his temple and landing a solid punch there. She watched as his eyes rolled back in his head, staggered that she had been able to drop him. She still stood at the ready, expecting him to launch himself at her at any moment, and took deep, jagged breaths.

There was a pounding on the door that made her jump. She did not move from her spot, did not drop her knife.

"Neri!" came the frantic voice of her teacher. "Neri, open the door!"

"I can't," she replied as loudly as her wheezing lungs would allow. "He's done something to it."

There was a lurching sound and the door was forced open by Kylo's shaking outstretched hand. He ran inside, searching the room erratically. When he saw Neri, he was at her side in four long strides, pulling her to him and away from the unconscious Hux. His long fingers pried the knife from her hand and let it drop to the floor behind him with a clatter.

"What happened?" he asked, pulling away from her and searching her face. His fingers lingered over the bruise growing on her jaw and his brows furrowed. "I'll kill him," he said, turning from her. He was prepared to end the general now, to accept the repercussions of such an act.

Neri grabbed his hand. She could not watch him take a man's life, not even the monster currently crumpled on her floor. "Please just…just get him out of here. Get him away from me. You can't kill the commanding officer! Even you can't be immune to punishment for that. And…I can't watch you do it. Can't know that you did it."

Kylo's face relaxed and he found himself unable to go against her, despite his rage. He sighed heavily and focused on her small hand grasping his tightly. "Yes Neri," he said, knowing that he had never been weaker than at that moment. He knew, genuinely, that she would not forgive him for taking Hux's life. She had forgiven all else but would not let it stand when she had expressly asked him not to.

He pulled himself from her and turned to the pitiful form of the general, giving him a kick in the stomach to release some of his frustration. Neri didn't say anything, still unsure that he would spare Hux's life.

Kylo bent down and grabbed one of Hux's feet, dragging him unceremoniously from the room. He did not stop when Hux's head hit the doorway or when the blood from his face began to smear on the hallway floor. He stopped when he had left the man crumpled against the door to the outside, then leaned down and placed his hand against his forehead, willing him to forget what had occurred in Neri's room. He replaced the memory with nothing, choosing instead to remove everything that had occurred the entire day. Hux did not deserve explanations.

Standing back up, Kylo thought of all the ways he could make Hux kill himself. The options gave him comfort as he walked quietly back to Neri's room.

She still stood where he had left her, looking to be slightly (and understandably) in shock. He scrutinized her jaw and her trembling then took her hand gently in both of his.

"Get your things," he told her, looking around the room.

"Where am I going?" her voice shook as she moved to follow his order.

Kylo picked up the knife from the floor. "I want you to stay with me tonight, where it's safe."

Neri walked barefoot through the halls to Kylo's room. She had not wanted to put her shoes on and he did not make her, settling instead to carry them for her. He was grateful that it was late and that most of the base was sleeping off their drunkenness, as they passed no one on the way.

He opened the door and led her inside, pressing a switch to light the space. It was much larger than his room on the ship, but it looked much the same. Neri was comforted by its familiarity.

Kylo took Neri's few pieces of clothing from her hands and set them on a table, her two pairs of shoes on the floor. When he stepped back to her, she looked up at him with wide eyes that he could not read.

"Are you alright?" he asked, uncomfortable that he did not know how to gauge her in that moment.

She nodded and took a shuddering breath, running her hands over her dress anxiously. Her fingers found a tear and she scowled, looking down at the ruined fabric. She should have let Kylo toss Hux into the wilderness to freeze.

Without warning, Neri wrapped her arms around Kylo, holding him tightly to her. He followed suit, relishing in the feeling of her body against his.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't get there sooner Neri. I felt you calling to me but I was too late."

She pulled back slightly, looking up at him. She scowled, forehead creasing. "I was able to handle myself, thanks to you. Don't go about manufacturing guilt when you don't have to." Kylo Ren had enough to be guilty for, she didn't say. "I…heard you in my head, telling me what to do. From our training."

He laughed then, nervously. "What a plague to have me in your head," he said, his thumb brushing against her jaw. "I'm sorry all the same. He won't touch you again, on my life."

She nodded, her hair tickling Kylo's chin. He looked down at her, really looked, and felt such a longing for her that he physically ached. The most beautiful being in the universe was here, in his arms, and he couldn't think of a thing to do or say.

He was wondering if she could feel it too when she unhurriedly wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. He wondered nothing when her lips met his.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. I also do not own the Starbucks I'm currently writing in.

Chapter 14

There was a distinct chill that ran down Kylo's spine when Neri pulled away after a few moments. He looked at her face, dazed, and fought a scowl when she took her arms down from his neck.

She was blushing, as she never had before. "I, um…I should get changed," she said awkwardly, stealing glances at the face of her teacher. She stepped away quickly, grabbing her clothes from the table, and retreated to the bathroom. She tripped on her dress three times.

Kylo sunk down into the nearest chair and ran his fingers through his hair. A reluctant smile spread across his face, lighting his too-often-serious features. In the back of his mind, a quiet voice reminded him that he was being weak, that closeness to this girl was a mistake, but he silenced it, thinking that he should make mistakes much more often.

He didn't hear the bathroom door open or Neri's bare feet padding quietly towards him. Her dress was a balled up mess on the bathroom floor, more ripped than it had been from her haste to remove it. He didn't realize she had returned until her face was inches from his own.

The blush had not left her cheeks and she shifted nervously from foot to foot, her toes curling on the floor. She had never been so fidgety in her life. Her soft tunic and leggings, formerly familiar and safe, itched at her stimulated skin. Her eyes were on the floor between their feet, chin tucked down to her chest.

Kylo felt the familiar twitch in his finger, wanting to touch her. This time, he did. He reached out and cupped her cheek with his large hand, his breath catching in his throat when she leaned into it. He tilted her face up, willing her to look at him, and the moment their eyes met, he acted without thought.

His hand moved to the back of her neck and he pulled her to him, her mouth to his. He kissed her hungrily, feeling the desire of the past days rising in him, threatening to suffocate him. She kissed him back just as fiercely, winding her fingers in his knotted locks and anchoring her body to his. He sat and she stood between his legs, chests crushed together.

He wanted more, needed more, and sensed she needed it too. His hands descended, pulling her legs around him to settle her on his lap, and he held her there, exploring the feel of her back and waist beneath his trembling fingertips.

Neri pulled her mouth from his suddenly, taking deep breaths as she smiled at the man she was straddling. His chest rose and fell heavily and he realized he was as starved for air as she. A small laugh left him and he brushed a hair from her forehead needlessly, craving the contact.

She let her fingertips run down his jaw, over his swollen lips, over the harsh scar that nearly separated the hemispheres of his face. She planted light kisses on it, his eyelashes tickling her chin, and found his mouth again. Their embrace was slower now, open and explorative, and they could both feel the mingling of their power, of their coupled desire vibrating within them.

"Ky," she whispered, lips a breath away from him.

He replied with a wordless murmur, forehead pressed to hers.

"Do you know that I am yours?"

Her words were soft, quiet, but they jarred him all the same. His? She wanted…to be his? Despite all the wrong he had done, the fear that people felt when they saw him, the monster he had seen in himself, she wanted to be his? He searched her face for a lie and found nothing. He couldn't think of anything to say and chose to be silent, covering her mouth with his instead.

Neri clung to him as he stood easily, legs wrapped around his middle as he carried her easily through the room. He kissed her hungrily again, feeling as though his want for her was devouring him. His hands, running over her hips and thighs and ass, couldn't get enough of the feel of her.

He set her down gently on his bed, leaning over her but afraid that he would crush her with his weight. Her legs were still wrapped around his middle and he felt himself hardening, the pressure almost painful.

Neri pulled herself to sit, and then kneel, on the bed, not once breaking her contact with him. Her small hands traveled down, finding the bottom of his tunic and pushing it up roughly. He helped her, trying to control his hands, keep them steady, and the tunic was soon crumpled on the floor behind him.

She pulled back for a moment, eyes on his chest, and Kylo felt self-conscious at what she must see. His skin was marred with scars, burns and cuts from training and battle every few inches. Her fingertips ran over them, then her lips, and Kylo started when she nipped him playfully. She smiled up at him, her eyes dark and lusty, and he felt all resolve leave him.

He tugged her tunic over her head, astonished by the sight of her bare chest for a moment before she pulled him down to her, his full weight atop her small body.

He shifted. "I'm going to crush you," he said, kissing her neck.

She raked her fingertips over his back in response. "I can think of no better way to die," she said, smiling against his shoulder.

His lips ran down her neck, over her delicate collarbone, and down to the mound of her breast. He took her nipple into his mouth, suckling and nipping there as his hand massaged the other. Neri moaned and her back arched, hands wound in Kylo's hair. He kissed down her sternum and further, grazing her skin with his teeth until he reached the waistband of her leggings.

He looked up at her, caught up in his desire, and felt a line about to be crossed. "Neri," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Mm," was her answer.

"Tell me I can take these off."

She tugged on his hair. "You can take whatever you want." Her voice was a moan, and that was all he needed.

He hitched his fingertips into the waistband and pulled the fabric down her legs and off, leaving her entirely naked in his bed. He knelt on the floor beside it, unable to move for the briefest of moments at the sight of her, then ran his hands up her legs from ankle to thigh, feeling goosebumps rising along the way.

His lips met the inside of her thigh and she gasped, again winding her hands in his hair almost painfully. He nipped at the sensitive skin there, traveling ever closer to the wet folds he longed so badly to touch.

He took his time, agonizingly, and when his mouth finally met her most sensitive space, Neri's back arched and she took in a sharp breath. He moved slowly, tongue exploring her while his thumb stimulated her clit, and he heard her whispering his name again and again like a mantra until she finally came undone, bucking against his mouth. He didn't stop, not until she had gone still and he could hear her labored breathing, and then pulled himself onto the bed over her, admiring her exposed body beneath him.

Kylo kissed her deeply and she could taste herself on his tongue. She struggled to push his trousers down and he smiled against her mouth, helping her to push them to the floor beside her own. She held his cock, long and thick and pulsing from its hardness, stroking him slowly against her body. Kylo bit her shoulder to muffle the moan that left his throat.

Her hand moved faster and she turned his face to hers, kissing him hungrily, breathlessly. "I want you," she sighed out, pressing her hips up to his.

He pushed her up further on the bed beneath him, feeling the tip of his cock brush up against her wetness. He felt he wouldn't last much longer like this, his body aching for release. His leg parted hers and he settled between them, kissing her deeply once more before entering her in one long thrust.

Neri inhaled sharply at the pressure then moaned, hands clinging to his back. Her fingernails would make him bleed.

He thrust into her slowly, deeply, taking his time. His mouth found hers, then her neck, then the sensitive space below her ear. He groaned out her name as he neared his climax and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Don't stop," she begged him, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I'm so-ah!" She came with him, the power of their mingled pleasure enveloping them, extending it.

He emptied himself into her and stilled, taking deep breaths and feeling weak. She kissed him softly, lips swollen and smiling, and he held her face, feeling as though he hadn't really had a body until that moment. He withdrew from her and laid at her side, pulling her to him. Neri curled against him, head on his still heaving chest, her fingers mindlessly wandering over it.

Kylo kissed her forehead, knowing that he was in his moment of greatest weakness, vulnerable to whatever she wanted of him. He found himself smiling at this, knowing that he had never been more of a person than then, lying beside her.

They fell asleep that way, wrapped up in each other.

A/N – That was my first sexy time chapter ever and I'm pretty sure I blushed the entire time. Why is this the one I chose to write in public? My boyfriend and I came up with all the names we could for a penis before I wrote it (for fun because that's normal) – his favorite creation was flesh-saber. Ew.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. This fanfic is entirely for my own enjoyment (and hopefully yours).

Chapter 15

Kylo awoke the next day to find himself alone in the bed, sunlight streaming in through the window onto his still naked body. He sat up groggily, looking around his room, and found nothing. He stood, padded softly into the bathroom, and found that Neri had already gone. Too many thoughts rushed through his mind as he went through his morning routine and, by the time he was dressed, he was sure that she regretted what they had done and was escaping him.

Brows furrowed, he tidied his bed, setting the sheets right just so. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor when he put the pillows in their proper place, the smell of her hair hitting him in the face pleasantly. He bent to pick up the paper and smiled as he read the two words there.

 _Training, Neri._

He tucked the paper into his tunic and left his rooms, a noticeable spring in his step.

Neri's face was flooded in the early morning's sunlight, her skin warmed by its rays. She took long, slow breaths, controlling her racing mind as best she could, and tried to go blank. She neared the dark, quiet space of peace several times only to have Kylo's face swim into her mind's eye, making her begin the process again with a small smile that she was sure she'd wear all day.

She'd awoken early in his arms, stretching out like a cat as she rose from the bed. He had stirred, rolling onto his side, and she stood there for a long moment, drinking him in with her eyes. The sun was barely up, its weak rays casting shadows on his serene face and setting his dark hair alight. Neri knew she would never see him so peaceful in his waking hours and let him linger. She washed up as quietly as she could, willing him to stay asleep a little bit longer, and pulled on her soft boots once she was out in the hallway. Barely knowing where she was going, she found the training room, remembering their passing it the night before on the way to her rooms.

Once inside, she immediately sat on the floor, knowing that she had much to sift through in her head.

When Kylo walked into the room, Neri's back was to him, and he knew that she was meditating. He stepped noiselessly forward and sank down besides her, squinting in the sunlight. The room was silent save for her steady breathing and he smiled, thinking back to her words of the night before. _Do you know that I am yours?_ she had asked him. Did she know what she did to him? He felt as though he was forgetting who he was but, sitting next to her in the warm light of day, he wasn't sure that it was such a bad thing.

"I know you're here," she said, her voice making him jump. She opened an eye and turned her face to him, a toothy grin on her face. "Good morning."

"Yes it is," he said, resting his palms on the floor on either side of him.

Neri did the same, their fingertips a breath apart. Kylo was the one to cover her hand with his and she chewed her lip, thinking that they shouldn't be caught in such a way, shouldn't be so near outside his private space.

"What are we training today?" she asked him after a long moment of contented silence.

"Self control I'm sure," he replied, smirking at her.

She swatted at him playfully, losing her balance in the process and toppling over on the floor beside him. "Of course self control, we can't really…do that here can we?"

He muttered that he supposed not and sighed. A thought needled at him. "Will you regret me someday?" he asked suddenly, falling into the comfortable familiarity of his inadequacy. He knew he should not ask questions he didn't want to hear the answer to, but he needed to know that the night before had not been an anomaly. He needed to protect himself.

She sat back up and searched his face, her brows furrowed in worry. "Why would I regret you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I know who I am, what I've done. I wouldn't tell anyone about me. I wouldn't be proud of it." Deep in his chest, he felt remorse growing, as it had immediately after he had watched his father fall from the walkway, his death on Kylo's hands. He hadn't often considered feeling guilty for what he had done, not for his father's death or any of the others that he had caused, but, sitting beside her, the light called to him, begging him to find his humanity.

"Oh Ky," she said, leaning forward so their foreheads touched. She didn't care much for being caught then. "You aren't that man. You've been fighting to convince yourself and everyone else that you're him, but you aren't. You aren't Kylo Ren or Ben Solo; you're someone else altogether. And I'm only just beginning to find you. You're only just beginning to be your own person rather than who you've been made to be. Don't you feel it too? Who you're meant to be?" She wound her fingers through his hair, anchoring him to her, her breath shallow and desperate. He kissed her softly, cupping her cheeks.

He wanted to be a new man for her, but he was sure she didn't realize the impossibility of it all. There was no escape from the life he had chosen. He pulled himself from her and stood, defeated, feeling as though he was no one at all. ]

He trained her to channel pain for the next week, sensing that they would both need great mastery over it very soon. At the same time, he felt himself falling deeper and deeper into her, helpless to stop it and not entirely wanting to.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars, but I do own a Matt the Radar Technician action figure.

A/N – I really want to say thank you to MaudlinFlowers for your many reviews – I loooove getting them and appreciate your feedback! Thank you to everyone else who has read, reviewed, and favorited/followed – it's a beautiful thing to have such motivation to keep going so thank you thank you! I'm going to try to keep up with my chapter posts regardless of school, at least one per day, so let's see how good I can be at time management until this baby is complete.

Chapter 16

Neri's mind and body were tired and, while eating dinner quietly with her teacher, she wondered if using the Force would ever get easier. Kylo, after pushing her mercilessly for many days, didn't seem fatigued in the least, so there must be hope for her yet.

She had been living with him since the night of the party, her first room all but abandoned, and she knew it was because Kylo was protecting her from Hux or worse, though he didn't say. They shared his bed, in more ways than one, and, when she looked at him across the table focusing on his food, her chest ached and she smiled involuntarily.

He was still distant at times, retreating into his own head where Neri couldn't find him, but he rarely went very long without touching her, kissing her, telling her that he needed her. Kylo spent nearly all of his time with her, keeping the balance between teacher and lover, and she felt herself blossoming in his care. She could shut out pain, drop into a meditative trance in seconds, move small objects without touching them, and even warm herself with nothing but her thoughts, something he said was important on a planet such as the one they found themselves on.

The few times that he was required to leave her, whether it be to speak with the wretched commander of the base or oversee some project that needed special attention, Neri sat beside their window, eyes searching the barren landscape for signs of life. She had thought she saw a bird once, though it turned out to just be a monitoring droid. The First Order must have been paranoid since the attack on Starkiller to monitor their own landscape so closely.

When Kylo returned to her, he was often shut off, his mind blocked from her. He always immediately took a shower, as if to wash off the presence of whomever he had just seen, and always embraced her immediately after. Neri happily obliged, as hungry for him and he was for her, and she would fall asleep in his arms as he looked out the same window, knowing that the Resistance's droids were there, gathering what they could of the base for their next attack. When he was able to spot them with his sharp eyes, he'd fell them quietly, wishing that the war could keep away for just a while longer.

Kylo marched through the base hastily, having been called to Supreme Leader's hologram room moments before. It had been weeks since he had been called, left alone to train his apprentice, and he willed his mind to go blank as he walked. No good could come of Snoke knowing of his relationship with Neri. Kylo knew he couldn't keep it a secret forever, but he was desperate to have something good, something beautiful in his life for a little while longer. He felt his time with her ticking away and wasn't ready for the end.

He stepped into the room with feigned confidence, smiling at his master when he approached his towering hologram. "Supreme Leader," he said, bowing. "I have much to tell you of my student's improvement. She is-"

Snoke held up a withered hand, silencing the young man before him. "I know…what you have…done, Kylo Ren," he wheezed out, causing Kylo to freeze in his spot. "You bring…shame to yourself and me."

This infuriated Kylo but he maintained his composure. He was not ashamed of Neri. "Master, I have maintained her training, furthered her control of the Force regardless of…anything else that has occurred. She has such power and is learning quickly to use it. She will be a great asset to us."

Snoke laughed sardonically. "You are a fool!" he said loudly, coughing at the exertion. "You're so blinded by…your infatuation…your lust…that you don't see what is happening…around you."

"Master I am very aware of the Resistance's presence here. It is I, after all, who realized that there was a spy within our ranks. It's only a matter of time before we know who-"

Snoke's bark of laughter cut Kylo to the core and it was a struggle to keep from lashing out at his master. It had been a long time since Kylo feared Snoke, though he maintained that façade, and he nearly rolled his eyes at the old creature's power over the First Order.

"You would know the spy…if you were not distracted by your lust for her. You weak-minded fool! You've…jeopardized everything for the sake of your tryst with this traitor!"

Kylo was confused for a moment, his face crumpling from his difficulty to grasp what his master was saying. Neri, the spy? She wouldn't…she was loyal to him. She was his; she had said so, so many times. She had made him feel like a different man, no longer Kylo Ren. He did not want to be Kylo Ren when he was with her, was happy not to be. She was with him constantly except…except when she trained early, leaving him behind in his bed for who knew how long.

He looked up at his master.

"You are beginning to understand her manipulation of you…finally. She has been…using you from the start. I saw it once you began…shutting yourself off from me. She's planting lies in your head. How could she…turn to us so easily?"

 _My father,_ Kylo thought. _She cared before me because of Han Solo._

Snoke laughed, reading his fragmented mind easily. "How do you even know any of that…is true?" he mocked. "That it wasn't…planted in her head by Organa? You said she is…powerful with the Force. Maybe more powerful than…you realized."

Kylo's thoughts raced over every moment he had spent with Neri. He sought out the lies, knowing that he had never questioned her, never doubted what she said was true. Why would she forgive a man such as him, a man who had killed her supposed father figure? Why would she allow him to be close to her, as close as two people could be when he had committed such atrocities in the name of his master and his cause? Could he have been so desperate for attention, for care, that he let her deceive him so thoroughly?

He had thought that someone like him could never be loved. He knew now.

Rage simmering in his mind, he turned his chin upward to face his master. "What must I do?" he asked, his voice flat.

Snoke leaned back in his chair, knowing that he had his apprentice back under his control. "Kill her," he commanded.

Kylo nodded and left the room, unaware that the spy had already been found and executed the night before.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

A/N – I just started watching Girls and Adam Driver's character on it makes Kylo Ren look like a saint. What a dick! Anyway, here's another short chapter. It's been a difficult day but I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 17

As soon as Kylo had left the room, Neri settled down in the familiar patch of sunlight beside the window, the feel of his lips against hers upon parting still on her mouth. She touched the skin there absentmindedly, looking out over the landscape that had seemed so barren to her before. Her eyes caught sight of the small, white creatures that frequented the scattered rocks below her window, rushing about to find the safety of their underground homes. She smiled, fingertips touching the cold glass, and then took a deep breath. She must be strong, must not waiver.

Her vision the night before had shaken her, made her retreat to the bathroom while Kylo slept soundly in their shared bed. She had stared at herself in the small mirror, breaths coming too fast for her to keep up with them, and inspected her face, trying to discern if it was the face she had seen in the foresight. Her hair was the same length, small bruise on her neck in the same spot. She dragged her fingertips over her cheeks, not ready for the vision to be reality, and nodded at her reflection in resignation.

Quietly, ignoring the tremor that wanted to quake through her body, Neri climbed back into bed, wrapping herself up in the man beside her for one last night.

She jumped when he entered the room, forcing herself to remain still as she felt him march to her kneeling form. Only when he was directly beside her did Neri allow herself to look up, feigning a smile and steeling herself. She kept her mind blank, repeatedly telling herself that what must be would be. This mantra allowed her to catch his eye without crying.

"What did Supreme Leader ask of you?" she asked, her voice strained but steady. "Does he wish to see my progress?" She smiled warmly at him, hiding the pain she felt. "What's wrong Ky?"

"He has found the Resistance's informant in our ranks."

She stood, her legs shaking beneath her weight. "I didn't know there was an informant to be found," she said, wondering if she was choosing her words correctly. "Did he ask you to interrogate them?"

Kylo shook his head, his emotions too muddled for Neri to sense properly. She felt rage and fear, uncertainty and hopelessness. He felt like he had when they had first met.

"To…kill them?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

He nodded stiffly. Would she manipulate him to the end, act as though she were innocent? "Are you not opposed to it?" he asked, wondering where her false sense of moral direction was.

The look in her eyes was unreadable and she blocked him from her mind. "I know what he told you," she said finally, chewing her bottom lip.

"How would you know that unless it were true?"

She said nothing, knowing that there was nothing to be said. She flinched as he lowered his face to hers, quiet rage burning behind his eyes. His long fingers wrapped around her arms, holding her before him painfully.

"Will you not even try to defend yourself?" he asked, his voice rising steadily.

She could sense the battle within him, between believing in her care for him and believing that he did not deserve such care. Snoke had played off of his greatest vulnerabilities, and she would not do the same to him.

"I have never lied to you," she said simply.

He laughed in her face, spitting his words at her. "You've done nothing but lie to me from the moment I met you! Congratulations Neri, for making me believe the nonsense that you led me to believe. I wish that we had one so cunning on our side. Did you fuck Hux until he was of no use to you as well? Is that why he was so smitten?" She said nothing and he shook her roughly. "Answer me!" he shouted.

She had begun to cry, tears serenely flowing down her pale cheeks. Her breathing had not changed; she was the picture of calm despite where she found herself. Kylo had taught her well. He took her reaction as fear of her death, the hopelessness of her situation.

"If you have anything to say, you should do it now. You are nearly out of time." His voice was stony as he released her arms. Neri swayed where she stood and he felt he should steady her. He told himself he was being weak, that his concern for her had gotten him into this mess in the first place. "Well?" he prodded. "Have you anything to say?"

He flinched as she reached up, cupping his cheek. Her shaking fingertips were cool against his hot skin. He tried not to look at her, but he felt his power reaching out, begging for it. She had stopped crying, her eyes the brightest he had ever seen them.

"I love you," she said.

Everything went black as Kylo unleashed the rage within him, sending her through their favorite window. He ran to it, peering down at the frozen ground below. Her limp body was there, beautiful face half covered in snow.

His vision grew hazy, body suddenly feeling too heavy to hold, and he dropped, disappearing into his own mind for an indeterminate stretch of time.

While his world went dark, Neri's eyes opened, light flooding her vision painfully. He had taught her to withstand pain too well, and, bones aching and skin split bloodily in several places, she stood and stumbled into the sparse forest. She only had to make it until the next day and everything would be all right.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

Chapter 18

It had snowed for two days without stopping. Neri had, somehow, mercifully, found a small cave and had huddled into it, her body broken and weak. The snow had covered her tracks, covered the blood that had run freely from her marred skin. The whole two days of snow, she was in deep meditation, using the Force to try and mend herself enough to survive the blow of meeting the frozen ground from four stories up. She knew that, somehow, she had been able to call to it upon being thrown from the window to dull the impact but it had still nearly killed her.

Contained in her own mind, barely breathing, Neri felt her bones knitting themselves back together, tissue dragging itself about to reconnect. If someone had walked into her sanctuary, they would have thought her dead; she was so still.

Her mind was not good company for her and, if she had been conscious, she would have cried so violently that her body couldn't repair itself. She had seen what he would do, knew that there was no escaping one's fate, but it still pained her to know that he had tried to kill her. Unless he had watched her drag herself away, he would have felt success at it. Was he celebrating his victory over the false spy with Snoke? With the despicable Hux? His face, as he accused her, would not leave Neri's mind's eye. He had thought she betrayed him, had lied to him from the moment they had met. That hurt more than any physical injury.

When Neri opened her eyes on the third day, all but buried in snow that had been blown into the cave, she was ashamed of herself, knowing that she still loved him.

She dug herself out of the snow painfully, body on the mend but still aching, and shook the white out of her almost-matching hair. From the mouth of the cave, the planet looked beautiful, untouched, and she couldn't see the base from where she crouched. Kylo had said that the Resistance knew where they were. Did that mean they were coming? Would they accept her after what she had done with their enemy? Perhaps they wouldn't even find her before she froze to death.

In Neri's mind, those were her options: be rescued or die. She could not go out onto the planet without being spotted, could not return to the base without being killed a second time. There was nothing to eat, no other shelter to be made without tools. She turned her back on the planet and retreated to the back of the shallow cave once more, settling into a deep, warm trance that would last for days. The planet could have collapsed around her and she would not have woken up.

It had snowed for two days without stopping. Kylo had awoken on his floor, snow blowing into his room through the broken window, after the first day. No one had been to look for him, no one had called out for him, and he felt utterly alone as he stood. The memory of what he had done rushed back into his mind and he felt it to be like a bad dream, something that he was not sure he had truly done. He walked to the broken window slowly, peering at the ground below. It was punctuated with jagged rocks, new snowfall covering what could have been her body or could have been a nightmare.

Kylo shut his eyes, cold air turning his cheeks pink and blowing his hair from his face, and tried to find her, to sense any indication of her presence. He found nothing. She was gone.

He had had to do it. She had betrayed him, had lied to him. She had said, defiant to the last, that she loved him. She had seemed so sincere, her deception so convincing, that he waivered where he stood. Kylo sank to the ground, his head falling into his hands as he shook from the memory of her face, her voice. She would not leave his mind, plaguing him like a wraith, and he screamed, energy lashing out of him uncontrollably. His room was torn to pieces, furniture collapsing and walls buckling. He screamed until his voice cracked, going hoarse and weak.

"I love you Neri," he whispered to no one at all. He was as alone as ever, and he wept.

It was another day before Kylo emerged from his room. He had settled himself in her spot, by the now broken window, and repeated the teachings of the Knights of Ren, over and over, until he had no voice and was convinced again of whom he served. He no longer had room for weakness, could not make any more mistakes, lest he forever displease his master and lose his place in the galaxy. He had risked everything for that girl, whose name he would not even think, and would redeem himself in whatever way necessary. The galaxy would fear Kylo Ren once more.

As he left his room, freshly showered and changed, he ordered a droid to find him a new space. He couldn't stay there anymore, having destroyed it thoroughly. The droid complied, giving him a vacant room number, and whirred away, leaving Kylo to his day.

He strode through the base, as menacing as ever, and the members of the base avoided him as they had done before he had allowed himself to go so soft. They sensed a change in him, a resurgence of the darkness within that rolled off of him in waves, and none were stupid enough to be in his way.

None but Hux.

The general, permanent scowl still fixed on his face, approached Kylo in the afternoon, hands clasped behind his back and a stiff swagger in his step.

"Ren," he said, his voice sounding smug. "It's been too long since we have seen you. Have you tired of your pet? Or have you taken care of her as Supreme Leader asked? He informed me of your…deception." Hux smiled, his body oozing with superiority.

Kylo controlled his breathing, contained his rage. The snake beside him knew nothing. Had he wondered yet where his memories had gone from the day of the party? Perhaps he would not feel so superior if he knew how easily that traitor had bested him.

"She has been eliminated," Kylo said flatly, refusing to elaborate.

Hux nodded, looking out over the operations of his base. "At least you got to fuck her, before killing her. If I had been able to-" his words caught in his throat, which was being closed off by the man beside him. He sputtered, face turning red, and fought the invisible hand that strangled him.

Kylo released him a moment later, knowing that he couldn't kill a commanding officer without repercussions. Hux collapsed to the floor, breathing heavily.

"Touchy, Ren, aren't we? She's gone, the informant is gone, and you should really put this behind you. There is an attack coming."

Kylo's eyes narrowed as he looked at the pitiful general pulling himself back to his feet. "She and the informant are one in the same," he said, voice deceptively light despite his suspicion at Hux's words. "There is no need to mention her twice."

Hux glanced at Kylo and then at the floor, nodding. "Yes, of course," he said dumbly.

Kylo turned on him, inspecting the face of his treacherous ally. Hux, despite his confident façade, was hiding something. Kylo would find it.

Hux backed away as Kylo held out a hand to his forehead, his back meeting the wall behind him and giving him no place to go. Kylo pressed his palm to Hux's sweating, clammy skin and dove into his thoughts without hesitation.

 _"Supreme Leader, we have found the spy," said Hux, kneeling at the foot of their master's hologram. His voice was light, and he was hopeful that he would finally be treated as the better of that idiot Ren._

 _"Who?" asked Snoke, sitting casually in his chair. He seemed bored._

 _"QR-7364, one of Phasma's men. He's been reporting to the Resistance for months, telling them our operations through secret channels he's created and masked."_

 _Snoke thought for a moment. "I assume you have…interrogated him already, that you would not come to me…without real information."_

 _Hux nodded eagerly. "Yes, Supreme Leader. The Resistance is coming here, in ten days time. They mean to destroy us, knowing that we are weakened by their last attack. The assault on Starkiller has unfortunately…. brought more to their side. The people are growing bolder every day."_

 _Snoke frowned and stood unsteadily from his hologram chair. "This is bad news indeed," he said, and Hux thought for a moment that he would be punished for bringing it. "But…you have done well general. This base will not…survive a head on attack from…those animals. Ready the troops to fall back to…Bohem. We will…regroup there, where we have more men and…more weaponry. Abandon this rock."_

 _Hux nodded and stood. "Yes master, is there anything else you wish of me?"_

 _Snoke lowered himself back into the seat, as though the moment of exertion had fatigued him greatly. "Send me Kylo Ren," he wheezed out._

 _Hux nearly rolled his eyes, his distaste for his ally apparent. "Master, he is probably with that girl. He barely leaves her side. There are rumors…"_

 _"What rumors?"_

 _"Rumors that she and he are…involved in some capacity. He is rarely seen about the base, and when he must part from her presence, he is always eager to leave again. He's acting like a love-struck child."_

 _Snoke laughed, a weak, wizened sound. "Are you certain this is not your…envy speaking Hux?" he goaded. "I know how taken you were with her, when…she first arrived."_

 _Hux swallowed the angry lump in his throat and hardened his face. "No master. I am speaking for the wellbeing of this base, of the First Order. Have you received any reports from him since she came?"_

 _Snoke rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You are…right to be concerned Hux. She must be removed before he is…turned from the darkness once and for all. He is…so weak."_

 _Hux smiled at this, relishing in those words. "Do you want me to be rid of her Supreme Leader?"_

 _Snoke smiled. "No. He will do it. Kylo Ren will kill the girl."_

Kylo staggered back from Hux, his hand falling heavily to his side. His eyes were murderous and Hux felt a shudder of fear run down his spine. He swallowed and froze as Kylo stepped towards him.

Kylo's eyes were dark and clear as they latched onto Hux's. His words came out easily, flowing from the darkness within, the darkness that had been created in him. "You will go to your room now, not stopping for anything along the way. You will shut the door, lie on your bed, and cut your own throat with this knife." He folded Neri's small knife into Hux's hand. "You will not stop cutting until you are dead."

Hux's eyes went glassy and he repeated Kylo's words back to him, spinning on his heel and marching quickly towards his quarters. Kylo felt no satisfaction, no vindication, and he looked about his surroundings as an emptiness settled into his chest.

He thought only of Neri. A sharp pain threatened to open his skull as he struggled to breathe. He stumbled into the nearest room, ordering the two stormtroopers within to get out. They did, quickly, and he sank to the floor. He had killed the only person to love him, despite all that he had done. He had destroyed his only means of happiness, and had done so despite the truth she had spoken to him before she died. She had not betrayed him, had not lied to him. He was a fool and he had killed her.

Now, he would kill everyone else.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars, only my OC Neri. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 19

Secluded in her own mind, Neri traversed her life. Memories, formerly mere patches of images and sounds, became clear to her and she was able to truly find herself. Her subconscious became a familiar path, easily navigated and tread, and she wondered momentarily if she was able to see so much because she was about to die. Many had told her that entire lives passed in the seconds before death.

She was three years old, listening to her mother's weeping by their small fireplace. Mara's shoulders trembled with each breath, nearly sick from her tears, and, as Neri climbed into her lap, she clung onto her daughter, telling her how beautiful she was, how happy she was to have had her.

"You're a miracle," said her mother, cupping Neri's soft, chubby cheeks. "The doctor said I could never be a mother but the universe gave me you. You're my miracle, my little light." The kisses on Neri's face were gentle and warm, leaving love behind with each touch. She wound her small hands into her mother's hair and fell asleep, rocked by Mara's constant sadness.

She was six years old and she had just realized how her mother was able to feed her. Hidden behind the blanket that separated her sleeping mat from her mother's, she heard the man shouting at her mother, calling her names that Neri did not understand. The sound of the man's palm hitting her mother's cheek was deafening and Neri covered her mouth to keep the screams inside. Her mother did not yell back, did not hit the man who owned her freedom. She accepted her punishment for whatever crime she had committed and promised to do better, not to take her child. The man had left after spitting on her.

Once he was gone, Neri had crept out of her space, pulling down a ragged towel from beside the fireplace. As her mother cried, she wiped her face and rocked her. She threw the towel in the fireplace, watching at the spit and blood burned up.

She was ten years old and felt real fear for the first time in her life. The bucket she held was shaking, her knuckles white from her grip on it. The beast had appeared from nowhere, mere feet from her before she could realize its presence. It snarled at her, teeth dripping with venomous spittle, and scratched at the dirt with long claws. It watched her for a long moment and pounced, Neri shut her eyes to block out the fear. She braced herself for the inevitable end but felt nothing, finally risked opening her eyes.

Neri's hands, having dropped the bucket in her attempt to defend herself, were outstretched in front of her, the beast collapsed at her feet. Its eyes were still open, mouth agape, but it was still. Neri lowered her hands, feeling a strange sensation flooding her body, and then she turned and ran back home. The bucket and the beast were gone the next morning, and she was sure she had dreamt it.

She was twelve years old and she had done all her mother had told her, all she had promised to do. Her body, small from lack of nourishment her entire life, hid behind her blanket, still as death. She clamped her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming, tears flowing down her flushed cheeks freely. She listened as her mother was beaten, each blow sounding harder than the last. She heard the names the man called the only person in the galaxy that she cared about.

When he had gone, Neri crawled out from her hiding place and crawled to her mother. She cradled her broken body, lighter than a grown woman should be.

"Mama?" she said, her voice barely a whisper. "Mama wake up. Please Mama, please don't leave me. I don't want to make it to tomorrow without you. There is no tomorrow without you."

Mara was still and Neri held her for days. When the other villagers found her, she was covered in her mother's blood and her own tears. She did not speak again for several years.

She was thirteen and she had lived alone for nearly three hundred days. She knew this because she had marked them on the wall, cutting into it with a dull knife that her mother had used to cut their bread. Stepping back, she stared at the marks for a long while. She was tired, constantly tired, and she was weak. She hadn't eaten a true meal in three hundred days.

Neri waited until night fell, relishing the darkness that kept the villagers from looking at her pitifully, begging her to stay with them instead of in the hovel of a home that she had grown up in. She emerged from the small dwelling, wearing her mother's favorite dress, and stepped through the village quietly. Her feet caught on the bottom of the dress, the hem dragging in the dirt, but Neri finally made it to her destination intact. She slipped inside without a word, bare toes curling into the dirt floor while her eyes searched the darkness. There. There he slept.

She stole over to his bed, tucking her hair into the back of Mara's dress, and climbed atop him. He did not stir, must have been drunk from the root liquor he made illegally in the woods. Neri settled onto his chest and wrapped her small hands around his bulbous neck, leaning forward onto them heavily.

Ollie woke then, eyes bulging from their sockets as he flailed about in his bed helplessly. Neri, too often weak, felt a power surge through her as his life left him, felt herself energized by the lights leaving his eyes. She stared at those eyes as blood vessels burst in them, watched them become cloudy as the last of his oxygen left his lungs. He twitched beneath her, his death throes nearly throwing her from where she sat, but the power within her was too strong.

She held onto him for a long time after he was dead, watching his disgusting face in its stillness. He had been the last thing her mother had seen before she was taken and Neri felt it appropriate that her face haunt him in the afterlife.

When finally she pried her fingers from him, Neri felt exhausted, weaker than she had been her entire life. The power, that same power she had found when facing the beast years before, had left her. She curled up on Ollie's floor and fell asleep. It was here that the villagers found her, and from here that they threw her to the slavers.

She was fifteen, no, fourteen years old. She was having trouble keeping track of her days then, each one blurring into the next. She quietly carried her master's dinner tray to him, avoiding the leering gazes of the overseer and his sons. Her hair fell into her eyes unevenly and she blew it away with soft breaths, wishing that they had scalped her entirely.

Neri set the tray down on her master's table, thankful that he was not in the room. She had seen the way he looked at her, the same way that men had looked at her mother before they bought her, thinking that she was theirs.

She turned from the table quickly, ready to return to the kitchens, and ran into the barrel-chested form of the master, his eyes hungry when Neri dared to glance up at him. He stunk of sweat and wine and Neri fought not to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"Ah, my little daughter of a whore," he said, words slurring together. "Come to bring me dinner and warm my bed like a good girl." His fat hands grabbed at her, pulling her to him clumsily.

Neri pulled her wrists from his grip and backed away until she met the wall. He pursued, laughing.

"Come now pet, that's no way to treat me! I feed you, clothe you, and keep all of the men from touching you. I want you all to myself little one, every bit of you." He licked his lips and Neri nearly gagged. She did not go to him.

His face reddened and he stepped dangerously close, trapping Neri against the wall. "Don't be a little bitch. Your mother had no trouble fucking everything that walked so why should you? Don't you want to be like your precious mama?" He lifted a swollen hand to her face and rubbed her cheek, sending a shiver down Neri's back. She took shallow, sharp breaths, shutting her eyes to hide from her revulsion.

She only opened her eyes when the sting of his slap jarred her. She was thrown to the floor, hip hitting the stone heavily, and pushed herself away from him as best she could. He knelt down beside her, pulled her face to his.

"You'll do as I say, when I say it, and not argue with me, Neri Lei," he spat out, his fingers bruising her chin. "You'll do as I say or you'll go the same way your whore mother went."

Neri's lungs couldn't find air and she saw nothing but darkness for a long moment. Her skin prickled, that foreign sensation filling her veins once more. She shook as it coursed through her and, when she finally opened her eyes, her master was on his back on the floor, blood rushing from his face and onto the white stone floor.

Neri did the only thing she could. She ran.

She was fifteen, truly fifteen, and she had been found in the forest after several days of hiding. She was dragged back by the overseer's oldest son, thrown at her master's feet, and beaten until she couldn't move. Covered in her own blood and a mysterious mixture of her master's fluids, she was thrown onto the floor of the bathroom. As they passed her, never stopping to give aid, the other slaves were reminded to do as they were told.

On the fourth day of lying in her own filth, Neri rose. She had, somehow, all but healed, causing the slaves to whisper behind their hands about witchcraft and powers long gone from the galaxy. She staggered from the room and to the kitchen, to the nearest table, and took up the nearest knife. She opened up her arms, falling to the floor again with a satisfying thud. She heard her mother calling to her, saw her face free of blood and bruises, before the other slaves brought her back. Her stitches were crude but they got the job done. She healed quickly from them too.

She was still fifteen years old, staring at the stars as they moved slowly across the sky. She wondered how many other people were looking at them, how many lived among them. There was a sound behind her and she spun, terrified that her master had finally come to claim what was his.

A man stood there, frozen in her gaze, satchel in his hand. Beside him stood a huge beast, covered in fur from head to toe. The beast angled a blaster at her expertly and she wished that it would fire.

"You haven't seen nothing," said the man, standing up taller. He held his hands up, palms facing her, and motioned for the beast to lower his blaster. "Just let us leave without raising the alarm and we won't hurt you."

Neri spoke for the first time since her mother had died. "Take me with you," she said.

She was twenty years old, four years into her training under General Organa. She studied a map of the galaxy, pushing her hair from her face in frustration, and furrowed her brow, trying to find her former home. Her fingers moved deftly through the hologram, traveling lightyears in inches, and soon she found Bohem. She sighed.

"Do you want to go back?" asked a soft voice from behind her.

She turned and smiled, always happy to see the general. "No ma'am, I think I will die happy if I never see that place again." She allowed the general to kiss her softly on the cheek, knowing that she needed to be a mother to someone, and closed her eyes as the older woman brushed an errant lock from her forehead.

"Have you thought about what we discussed?" Leia asked, her voice maintaining the gentleness she saved just for Neri.

Neri nodded, chewing her lip. "I would very much like to train with Master Luke," she said, hoping that the nervousness she felt would not show. "And I would like to begin pilots' training as well. Poe said-"

"I know what Poe said. He said the same thing to me. You are so talented here Neri, so clever in your strategies. Do you not enjoy this work?"

"I do but…haven't you ever felt a need for something more? A new adventure, a new challenge?"

Leia laughed. "I wish you had known me when I was your age. Luke will tell you, once we find him." She cupped Neri's cheek and sighed. "Tell Poe you may begin your training, slowly, because you are still needed here. Just until we find someone who can pretend to be a replacement for you."

Neri smiled, a toothy, warm thing, and wrapped her arms around the general. Leia hugged her back, sorely missing her son, and Neri felt, for the first time, another person's pain.

She was twenty-four years old, and she was afraid. His face, the beautiful face that frequented her dreams and somehow remained when she awake, was twisted in the pain of deceit. She shook in his presence, knowing what needed to be done. She only hoped that it hurt less than the way his face looked in that moment.

Neri took a deep breath. "I love you," she said, and everything went black.

She was barely twenty-five years old, and she opened her eyes to a dimly lit cave. She took a deep breath and could feel death approaching. She smiled.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

Chapter 20

No one had seen Kylo Ren for two days. Hux's servants had found him, bloody knife still in his still hand, and had rushed his body to the crematorium before his troops could find out that he had taken his own life. They were told that he had been ordered to Snoke's base on Bohem early, to oversee preparations for the influx of personnel that would arrive shortly.

The droids routinely checked the base's scanners, to be sure that Kylo was still in his room and still breathing, and left him alone to do whatever he was wont to do. No one approached these rooms, not with food or news of the base's evacuation, and when he finally emerged, nearly all of the stormtroopers had gone.

Kylo, having repaired his lightsaber while locked away in his room, strode through the base with it at his hip. He smiled when he thought of how it had thrummed beneath his hand, as though happy to be back with its master. The crystal within had been cracked, yes, but it would do. He didn't expect to need it for long, hoping that he'd be dead sooner rather than later.

During his time of isolation, he had thought of ways to go about destroying the First Order, how best to approach its downfall. He knew that he, though powerful, was only one man and could not rush in without a plan, and so he thought. His mind was blocked from Snoke, having told himself that the wretched old beast would never again have access to his thoughts, and revolved around two things. One was revenge. The other was Neri.

He tried, again and again, to feel her through the Force, hoping against hope that she was alive. He knew that she would never come back to him, that he did not deserve her to come back to him, but he didn't care. He only needed her to be alive, not alive with him. Each time he did not find her, he sunk deeper into an ire-filled depression, knowing that he had brought about his own misery.

The Resistance was coming and Kylo Ren was glad. He did not truly want to fight them anymore, did not want to fight anyone but Snoke, and he smiled as he walked through the base, knowing that it would soon be destroyed.

He spotted Captain Phasma across the hangar, ordering her troops into the transport that would take them to relative safety. He thought momentarily of killing her but remembered that she had been kind to Neri, had never done wrong to him. She had, of course, been a callous leader to her men, but was that not expected of military leaders? He could not hate her for doing her job.

"Captain," he said, approaching her.

She turned in her armor, nodding her head slightly to Kylo in submission. "Sir," she replied simply.

"Is this the last of the transports?" he asked, peering inside at the nearly identical troops.

"Yes sir, will you be on it?"

He shook his head and looked at her, his gaze unsettling the war-hardened captain. "I will be along soon, I have some things to take care of first."

The captain paused and then nodded. "Yes sir. Our sensors estimate the Resistance arriving at the base in two hours time."

"Thank you captain." Two hours was enough time to do what he must.

She said nothing else, instead boarding the transport and ordering them to take off. Kylo Ren stood there as they departed, then spun on his heel and headed towards the control rooms.

He made quick work of disabling the shields, opening the base up to its enemies. His fingers moved deftly, removing the security protocols from the First Order's plans, their movement to Bohem. He would make it entirely too easy for the Resistance to overcome them, and would focus instead on destroying Snoke. The First Order would be erased from the galaxy and soon after, so would he.

Kylo stepped quickly back to the hangar, heading to the smallest ship he could find and operate, but then froze, the hairs on his neck raising.

 _Ky,_ said a voice in the back of his mind. It felt so real that he grew angry, tired of the torment of his own thoughts. He continued in his departure, knowing that he must escape the planet lest his plans against Snoke be ruined.

 _Ky,_ said the voice again, weaker. He stood still, listening. _You know that I'm yours, don't you?_

Despite his misery, he smiled, memories of her face swimming through his mind. He lowered his defenses for a moment, searching for her once more, and then felt the air in his lungs catch painfully.

He felt her. He truly felt her. She was alive.

Kylo started running, the Force guiding the way.

Neri's breaths were shallow, her body cold. She was tired, so very tired, and she knew that her end was near. She had been able to warm herself for days, focusing her mind on nothing but that, but, with her weakening state, she could not maintain it. She felt her mind collapsing in on itself, her control over it crumbling, and her defenses finally fell. She knew that anyone could find her then, would know that she had not died from the fall.

By the time they arrived to finish the job, Neri knew she would already be dead.

Kylo had never run so hard before. His lungs burned in the cold air, unable to accommodate the exertion. He was fueled entirely by desperation when he felt the rumble of approaching ships. He turned his head only for a moment, spotting familiar X-fighters, and then continued on. They would not take him before he found her.

Neri tried to shift her weight but she could not, having long lost most control over her body. She opened her eyes slowly and then closed them, the light coming in through the mouth of the cave too painful to bear. She heard a noise, felt hands on her arms, and risked opening her eyes once more. The pain was leaving her.

"Neri!" he shouted, hands moving over her cold arms frantically.

She was half buried in snow, her pale face tinged blue and hair frozen where it lay. He pulled her from the cold, against his body, and cupped her face tenderly.

"Neri, please, please wake up," he begged, ripping the cloak from his shoulders with his free hand and wrapping it around her. "Don't do this Neri, please. I'm so sorry just…just wake up. Wake up and tell me to leave you, kill me, I don't care. Just wake up."

Neri stirred slightly, her eyelids fluttering. Kylo touched her face with both hands, his power reaching out to her desperately. He didn't know how to heal her, had left the light before learning such tricks, but he could give her enough energy to survive.

She opened her eyes and he stared into them, the most beautiful blue he had ever seen. She raised her hand weakly to his jaw, his lips. She smiled.

"Ky," she said, her voice just a whisper.

He leaned into her hand, despite the cold of her skin. "I'm here," he replied, willing her to live. He pushed her stiff hair from her forehead, pulling her closer to him.

"Ren!" came a voice from the mouth of the cave.

Kylo turned his head, hearing the sound of blasters being armed. There were at least ten Resistance fighters, weapons all aimed at him, and there, nearly hidden from sight, was Luke Skywalker. He looked at his nephew with an unreadable face, his hand resting on his lightsaber. The scavenger stood beside him, her hatred easily seen.

"Who is that with him?" one of the fighters murmured to another. The traitor and the pilot. Kylo recognized them.

"Is that…Neri?" Rey asked Skywalker. Her eyebrows rose in recognition, grip on her blaster tightening.

"Release her Ren," shouted Fin, and Kylo knew that the former stormtrooper was no longer afraid of him. He nearly smiled at this, knowing that he had never been more dangerous than at that moment. He would do anything to save her.

Kylo looked down at Neri, at her chest barely moving from shallow breaths, and he did something that the Resistance fighters would never have seen coming.

He detached his lightsaber and threw it from himself, watching it land in the snow at their feet. He turned back to Neri, hoping that they would not hit her when they fired, and leaned down to kiss her forehead gently.

 _What are you doing?_ said a voice in his head. He looked up, locking eyes with the man who had spoken.

"Uncle," he said, his voice pleading. "Uncle, save her. I cannot…I don't know how…she's dying…she cannot die. You must save her. Please."

The fighters stared at him, their weapons lowering slightly in surprise. They looked to Luke for direction.

Luke, face hard in concentration, studied his nephew for a long moment. He searched his face, his thoughts, and found only a single-minded need for Neri to survive.

Kylo did not move when his uncle approached him, feeling weak from the energy he had given to Neri. He did not fight when Luke's hand stretched out towards his forehead, the vibrations of the older man's power causing his skin to crawl.

He accepted his uncle's touch and suddenly, everything went dark.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer – I don't own Star Wars, though I wish I could find myself in a galaxy far, far away.

A/N – Holy crap! I wasn't really expecting much of a response with this story but you all are being so good to me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing - I really, really appreciate it. Nothing is more motivating than knowing that people are actually reading. I hope you enjoy the new updates! I'll try to keep them up; I'm writing a lot this weekend so being in school won't slow me down. Thank you again!

Chapter 21

When Kylo opened his eyes, he saw nothing but grey. He lifted his head with difficulty, feeling as though he'd been physically knocked out, and looked around the room he found himself in. It looked very much like the interrogation rooms on the First Order's ships.

"I wasn't sure you'd wake," said a voice behind him.

Kylo tried to sit up but could not, finding his arms and legs bound to a cold metal chair. He nearly laughed at their attempt to control him but stilled when the bearer of the voice came into sight.

"Uncle," he said, staring into the eyes of the only man in the galaxy that could best him. He was not arrogant enough, foolish enough, to underestimate Luke Skywalker.

Luke pulled a chair across the floor and sat beside his nephew, the power within him nearly humming audibly in the quiet room. He looked up at Kylo with clear, light eyes, and Kylo knew that he could hide nothing from his uncle. He found himself not caring that all his secrets be brought to light.

"Neri?" he asked, searching Luke's face for any sign of how she was.

"She is alive. Her fate is in her own hands now. She must choose to wake."

Kylo nodded, barely containing his joy that she had not yet gone. He retained a small flicker of hope that she would at least allow him to beg her forgiveness, allow him to make things right before casting him away. He craved her love but would settle for her indifference, her forgiveness. He did not believe he could live through her hate.

"Ben," said his uncle quietly. Kylo focused on him, on the man who had helped to recognize his strength and had simultaneously undermined it. He had hated him for so long, despised all that he stood for, but he was grateful that he had saved Neri. He couldn't muster anything other than concern for her at that moment.

Luke sighed. "Ben, what have you become?" He was tired, bags beneath his eyes showing his fatigue. He had aged many years since Kylo had last seen him, hair greying and skin wrinkled, but he still remained stronger than most men could ever dream of.

"I don't believe you have the time to hear all that I've done uncle," he replied smartly. "Or the stomach."

Luke shook his head, his face showing the hurt he felt at seeing his sister's only child in such a way. "After everything, why did you let us take you? You have been fighting for so long, both in body and mind, but now…now you're so much like the confused child I knew all those years ago."

"Love is a weakness, is it not uncle?" Kylo replied after a long moment. "Is that not what that old fool Kenobi told your father?"

Luke stared at Kylo for a long time and the younger man stared back. His thoughts, his memories, were bared for the Jedi to see and Luke sifted through them slowly, feeling the change that Neri had brought.

"Love makes one vulnerable, yes," said Luke after a long pause to form his words. "But not necessarily weak. My father turned to the darkness to save my mother but in you, Kylo Ren, I feel the light breaking through, stifled so long by your need to fulfill your duties to your master." He stood, stepping closer to Kylo. "You've always struggled to find which side you belong on, where you can find your greatness, but I'm not certain that it is so clear for you. There is balance within the Force, but also balance within one's self. Perhaps that is what you find in that girl. Balance, peace."

He stepped away from his nephew and, with a flick of his wrist, released the restraints that held him in place. Kylo rose from the chair and faced his uncle, looking down at the man who had granted him mercy that day. He mulled over his words, over the impact that their truth could have, and pushed it momentarily from his mind.

"May I see her?" he asked, his voice eager. "I don't…I don't want to hurt her." He knew that his uncle had seen him throw Neri from the room, willfully thrusting her towards her death.

Luke nodded, motioning to the door. "I know Ben. I will bring you to her."

Kylo followed his uncle through the hallways of the ship they were on, eyes defiantly raised despite the looks of disgust he received from every person they passed. They knew nothing of who he was, what he had done to aid them in the time immediately before his capture. He did not fear their judgment.

"There are several scouting missions to Bohem right now, thanks to you," stated Luke as they rounded a corner. "Does it bother you that they don't know it was you who made it so simple to find Snoke?"

Kylo shook his head. "They would hate me all the same," he said, no doubt in his mind. "I am certain they believe me pulling off some greater scheme from within the Resistance right now."

Luke laughed, a low, warm sound. "You have always been perceptive Ben."

Kylo stopped walked and spun on his uncle. "Do you call me that to remind me of who I once was? To bring me back to the light? Is that why you are being kind to me?" His voice was quietly accusatory.

Luke shook his head. "I call you that because it is who you are now, who you have always been.."

Kylo started walking again. "Ben Solo is dead," he said. "But so is Kylo Ren. I am someone else entirely."

His uncle did not challenge him. Kylo could feel that he was near to her, could feel Neri's weak presence in the Force reaching out. Luke left him at the door, content to sit in the hall in quiet meditation. Kylo entered with held breath, only releasing it when he saw her chest rising a falling steadily on the bed.

He sat in the chair beside her bed and wrapped her small, still hand in both of his, willing his energy to enter her, give her strength. His eyes settled on her face, peaceful and without pain, and he felt as though his chest were collapsing upon itself. What had he done?

"Neri," he said pleadingly, brushing a wispy hair from her forehead. He swallowed a lump in his throat, hoping that it would not be the last chance he had to speak with her. "Neri Lei, you mustn't die, not like this. You deserve more than to die by a coward's hand. You must wake, must live to be the oldest woman in history, because you deserve nothing less." He brushed her jaw with his shaking fingertips. "I was stumbling through darkness before I met you, eyes closed to the entire galaxy and driven only by the hunger to be more powerful, to be more than anyone thought I could be, but I have begun to see the light because of you. My eyes are opening more and more to it every day that I am able to know you, and I don't want to go back to the dark. The universe, every bit of it, will die with you. You…you shouldn't wake up for me, shouldn't want anything to do with me after all the wrong that I have done to you, but please wake up. I will give my life to you if you will only wake up."

His fingers fell from her body and curled into the blanket, forehead against the scratchy material beside her hip. He allowed himself to cry, knowing that he only appeared to be as weak as he truly was in that moment. He fell into a fitful sleep beside her, repeating his mantra of _wakeupwakeupwakeup_ until he slipped into unconsciousness.

Outside the door, his mother sank to the floor beside her brother, having seen her son through the window for the first time in too many years. Luke held her hand and she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling hope blossoming in her stomach despite the sadness that lay heavy on the space.

"He loves her to his own destruction," Luke said, squeezing Leia's hand. "He will do anything for her to wake."

Leia smiled in spite of who Kylo Ren had become, the misery he had caused. "My son has come home," she whispered, saying the words she had been dreaming of for so long, and she and Luke stayed there for hours, waiting for Ben to emerge.

Kylo Ren had been begging, reduced to a weak, teary-eyed fool. Across the galaxy, his master stood from his chair, feeling more alive than he had in centuries.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars. I don't even own a washing machine. Hey laundromat writing.

A/N – This chapter is a short one but there are much longer ones to come. Agh thank you so much for reading, I appreciate every single one of you.

Chapter 22

Neri felt as though she didn't have a body, though in her dream she was definitely walking towards something. The power within her led the way, feet following obediently, leaving her conscious mind out of it altogether. She felt her hair trailing down her back and wondered how it had gotten so long again, how she felt as though the pain of the days before had disappeared.

There was a light before her, steadily growing as she moved. It looked as though she were approaching a small sun, warm and comforting in its glow. She held a weightless hand before her eyes when its light became too much, squinting against the blaze, and finally had to close her eyes entirely.

"Neri," said a voice quietly beside her. She opened her eyes and the light had dimmed, allowing her to see a strange man. He was young, light brown curls falling onto his forehead and framing a handsome face. She could find no imperfections on his skin, save for a thin scar running through his eyebrow, and thought he was nearly the most beautiful man he had ever seen. There was certainly something familiar about him, about the way he carried himself and regarded her with shrewd eyes. He smiled at her knowingly and she searched her mind for a memory of him. She found nothing.

She opened her mouth to speak but found she was unable, her voice catching in her throat.

The man touched her face lightly with the palm of his hand and she felt a jolt of energy at the contact. It was a loving gesture and though she had never met him, she felt no discomfort in the sensation of his skin against hers. He felt like an old friend, the power within her mingling with his familiarly. She had never believed in past lives before, but perhaps the thought was growing on her.

"Neri," he repeated, wasting no time on small talk. "You find yourself in a very strange place right now, hovering between life and death. You must make a decision before you can go, perhaps the most difficult of decisions. No one can help you to either side or guide you to the correct path. You don't have to understand, but you do have to choose."

She was confused, her brows furrowing. Her mouth went dry, still not letting her speak, and she waited expectantly to be told what she must do. She had made difficult decisions all her life, sometimes without any conscious thought, and supposed that she could once again do whatever was required of her.

"You can walk into the light, into peace, with me right now, never having to feel fear or pain or worry again. You can see your mother, hear the answers to all of your questions about where you come from. You can know all there is to know about life and death and the Force. You can be free of this universe and the hurt it brings."

Neri's chest swelled at the thought of her mother and her freedom from pain. She was ready to accept this, to accept the light immediately, but the man spoke again.

"You can also go back, back to the uncertainty that living brings. I cannot make promises to you about what you will find there, what will happen to you, but I can tell you one thing." He looked deep into her eyes, at the sorrow and wisdom there. She knew that she knew him, somehow. The way his mouth moved when he spoke was so familiar. "He is waiting for you," he said.

She nodded, chewing her lip, and thought about how much her life had changed when she had last been given a choice. She knew what she must do. Her mother had already waited a long time for her. She could wait a while more. The answers to the universe would be there when she arrived.

Neri turned and walked away from the man, her small hand clasping his momentarily before she went.

In the infirmary bed, she opened her eyes, and light blinded her once more.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

Chapter 23

Neri's eyes took some time adjusting to the light, having been closed for several days. Blinking rapidly, she was finally able to see and found herself in an unfamiliar room. Her neck ached when she inspected the generic space and she realized that she was in an infirmary. To whom that infirmary belonged she did not know.

She looked down, nearly jumping when her eyes landed on the figure half laying on the bed. She knew his dark curls, knew the slope of his jaw and the shape of his hand that was so near to her own. She smiled despite herself, despite what had happened, and reached out to him, her bones aching as she moved. Her hand lingered over his head for a moment and she wondered if she should be afraid. The man in her dream had said Kylo was waiting for her; what was he waiting for? He could have just as easily been waiting to kill her, to finish the work he had started on the base.

Neri withdrew her hand and chewed her lip, feeling how cracked it had become in her time spent unconscious. How long had it been? There were no windows in her room; she couldn't even ascertain the time of day. Could it have only been a few hours since she had last been awake? Had he found her so quickly? Had he employed the help of Hux, whom he accused her of manipulating as well?

She inched away from him on the bed, willing him not to wake, and gritted her teeth at the pain of the movement. She was nearly to the side, where she thought she would attempt to stand, when he stirred. Neri froze, holding her breath, terrified at what she could find in his face.

Kylo lifted his head and Neri pushed herself just a little further, knowing that she had already been caught. His sleep-heavy eyes widened as they fell on her and she, in turn, fell to the floor in an unceremonious heap.

"Neri!" he shouted, jumping from his seat. He was around the bed in a moment, crouching to help her, but she shrunk away from him.

"Don't touch me!" she cried, backing herself into the corner. She felt as though her body was on fire from the impact, that every bone inside of her was broken, but she prepared herself to fight to the last.

His hand, hovering in the air between them, dropped to his lap. His face, moments ago hopeful, fell, the hurt in his eyes apparent. "I-I'll get my uncle," he said, defeated.

Neri was confused. "Uncle?" she asked, looking around the room again. Was she not on the base? He had never mentioned any uncles, other than the one…

"Luke. He healed you. He's outside with my mother." Kylo had felt her presence on the other side of the door moments before and felt a jolt of fear at the thought of seeing her again. His mother had been his biggest betrayal, the most difficult person to leave behind when he entered the service of the Knights of Ren. He did not want to see her, to see the pain he had caused by killing his father. He pushed the fear from his mind and moved to rise, knowing that Neri needed them.

He felt a pressure on his trouser leg and turned to find her fingers clasped around the ragged material.

"Where am I?" Neri asked, her voice shaking.

He knelt back down, leaving room between her body and his. "You're on a ship, a Resistance ship. I don't know where we are in space, but I could find out for you." His voice was flat and he feared that if he showed any emotion she would flee from him. He could feel her fear as clearly as if it were his own. It made his chest ache to see her trembling beside him.

"How did I get here?" she paused. "How did you get here?" His presence on a Resistance ship, without being imprisoned at least, was impossible in her mind.

He explained that he had been searching for her when the Resistance came, had surrendered and been taken along with her.

She didn't understand, her head aching from confusion and too much movement. She verbalized her misunderstanding.

He bit his lip, wondering how much he should tell her. Would she believe him? She was obviously afraid of him, cowering against the wall like a whipped dog, and he didn't want to say anything to make it worse.

He stood, fighting the urge to kiss her, hold her, or touch her in any way. "I will get Luke," he said, his eyes on the floor. He made it across the room in three long strides and opened the door to find his mother and uncle sitting quietly on the floor, content to be in each other's company after so long apart. They looked up at him, Luke with knowing eyes and Leia with bewilderment, and both stood.

Kylo did not look at his mother, choosing instead to shrink against the wall like a coward. His uncle touched his shoulder as he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him to leave Kylo alone with Leia.

He could not think of a single thing to say. He had been an expert liar, convincer, smooth talker, but he could think of nothing to say to his mother. He finally raised his eyes to meet hers. "Mother," he began dumbly.

He was interrupted by the jolt of her wrapping her arms clumsily around his neck, holding him to her tightly. She stood on tippy-toes, having given Kylo none of her stature, and held him until Kylo wrapped his arms around her too.

"Ben, my Ben," she said over and over, as though to convince him of who he was.

He was stunned into silence. How could she embrace him in such a way, after all he had done? He had killed the love of her life, his own father, and she embraced him as though he had done nothing wrong? She pulled back, after what felt like eternity, and had tears in her eyes. Her hand cupped his cheek tenderly.

"I never thought you would come back to me," Leia said, her voice hoarse from containing the full extent of her emotions. She had been waiting for him for so long.

"I did not think you would ever welcome me back mother," he said truthfully. "I do not deserve to be welcomed back."

"All men deserve redemption Ben," she replied, speaking Han's words. Neri had said them too, and Kylo found himself wondering if they could be true.

"I've missed you," he said, his voice shaking. He felt as though he may cry if he looked at his mother long enough and instead lowered his eyes to the floor. He had thought of her too often, his memories of her his greatest weakness before Neri came into his life.

"Do you love her?" Leia asked unexpectedly and her son nodded without hesitation. Leia continued. "Do you love her enough to give up your life, to give up all that you had worked for? You know that you cannot have both, that she will not have both."

"I don't think she wants anything to do with me mother, rightfully so. She is afraid of me. She should be afraid of me."

Leia thought for a long moment and then tilted his chin up with her finger to look him in the eye. "If she wanted nothing more to do with you, if she walked away from you today, what would you do?"

Kylo thought it was a reasonable question, one that he had considered himself. Would he be drawn to the darkness without her light beside him? Would he be weaker or stronger without her?

"My days will be spent with her, or in solitude." He swallowed a lump that formed at the thought of never seeing her again. "My life is in that room."

Leia nodded, knowing that though she loved her son, that love would never be enough for his happiness. She paused and looked over his shoulder at the door, knowing that she had sensed something miraculous about that girl from the moment she laid eyes on her.

Luke, upon entering the room, had found Neri on the floor beside her bed, trying to pull herself up. He walked quietly to her and held out his hands, smiling as she took them and as he helped her to sit atop the itchy blanket. Neri sensed an old soul in him, trusting him immediately, and thanked him quietly as he stood beside the bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, inspecting her face. He clasped his hands casually at his waist, willing her to be at ease, and waited patiently for her to speak.

"Like I've been thrown through a window and left to freeze for some time," she replied.

Luke smiled. His nephew would be drawn to someone like her. They had the same smart mouth. "Do you know where you are?" he asked.

She nodded. "Ky-he told me. He didn't tell me how I got here though."

The Jedi nodded, thinking that the story would be more believable coming from him. He walked around the bed and sat in the chair that Kylo had previously occupied. "I need to go back a little further, to really explain that. Is that okay?" Neri nodded and Luke took a deep breath, preparing himself to revisit old wounds.

"I began training Ben when he was very young," he said, his voice revealing no emotion. "He was incredibly gifted in the Force, talented beyond his years, but he was also incredibly uncertain of so many things. He thought that he must have all the answers to all the questions at once, lest he be deemed inferior, undeserving of his gifts. He craved knowledge and power, one of which I could give him but the other…the other is simply not something that Jedi can possess. We are meant to be powerful but not to have power over others. He had difficulty seeing this, while he trained, and his gifts were not only evident to myself. The other side of the Force, which had not been a great threat since the death of my father, saw Ben's potential, thinking that they could use him as a weapon against us. He did not feel he had much to learn from me, from the light, and he went to Snoke willingly, tempted by the idea of greatness and power beyond his wildest dreams. The same kind of promises were made to Anakin Skywalker, to turn him into Darth Vader, and will probably be used in perpetuity unless the dark side disappears entirely."

Luke paused for a long moment, lost in his memories, and then shook his head, coming back to the present. "Ben became Kylo Ren the moment he destroyed the padawans. He, figuratively speaking, had sold his soul to Snoke, and Snoke, wise old fiend that he is, gave his young apprentice more than he had ever dreamed of. The man you met, when he first interrogated you, was formed by years of not only being given all that he wanted, but also in those same years being shown how little he was, how quickly he could lose all that he had gained. He was always certain of one thing, and that was that he was nothing to Snoke, nothing to the Force, unless he was doing whatever they commanded of him. As strong as he was when he met you, he was constantly afraid of losing everything, of becoming as worthless as he thought he was. From what I've seen in his mind, you sensed that nearly immediately in him."

Neri was taken back. "You've seen…us? In his head?" She was embarrassed that the Jedi master before her may have seen all that she and Kylo had done.

Luke smiled. "Only the parts that mattered in determining who he is now." He leaned back in his seat, the fatigue of the past few days weighing heavily on his body. "Ben had become Kylo Ren but when he met you, he became someone else entirely. He balanced between dark and light, right and wrong, wanting to do right to avoid your scorn but feeling a pull towards the darkness whenever you were hurt or in danger. I'm sure he fought with himself constantly, struggling with who he was and who he wanted to be, though I'm also sure he never let on.

"Snoke must have sensed this struggle, sensed that he was losing his greatest weapon, and planted a lie in his young apprentice's mind. You know this already, having seen your own death before it happened." He looked at her apologetically. "I may have peeked within your head as well, while healing you. It was incredible, to know that you had had not one but two Force visions in your life with no prior training. Most accomplished wielders of the Force are still unable to access such powers."

Neri blushed at his praise, knowing that she had done nothing to bring on these visions.

Luke saved his questions regarding these for a later time. "Anyway, Snoke had advised his apprentice of your treachery and Ben, having thought that his master would never lead him astray, believed him. He had been through years of being groomed to believe Snoke's every word, and he acted on them without thinking. You know what he did next, of course."

Neri cringed at the memory, at the pain she felt when she opened her eyes to the snowy exile she found herself in. She had never been so heartbroken before. "Why did he come for me?" she asked, trying to be patient despite her need to know the answer to this question.

"Ben fed himself lies, knowing that if he accepted that you had not deceived him as Snoke said, that he had murdered the only woman he ever…ever cared about without cause, without sense. He told himself that he would once again be strong, act on behalf of his master, and I think he even believed it for a few moments. He found that general whom he so despised and that man, who was not only a sadist but also a complete idiot, let slip that you might not have been the informant. My nephew pulled the memories from his head and realized the truth, that he had, so he thought, killed you for nothing. He was livid, to say the least."

"Where is Hux?" she said, the words coming from her before she could stop them. She sensed that he was gone from the universe.

Luke shook his head. "He is gone, though not by Ben's hands. Ben's words, but not his hands."

Neri nodded stiffly, and she did not want to know any more details.

"Is that when he came for me?" she asked.

Luke again shook his head. "He still thought he had killed you. There had been no sign of you, thanks to your clever hiding place within your own mind. He searched for you, for your presence, from his rooms, where he repaired his lightsaber and made plans to destroy the man who had so disgustingly deceived him. Hux was gone, but Snoke remained. He stewed in his rage, ready to do anything to avenge your death.

"It wasn't until you were very weak, very nearly gone, that he felt your presence. The Resistance had arrived on the planet but he abandoned the ship he was about to board to safety and his chance at vengeance. He ran towards you instead, found you moments before we found him. I could barely recognize him; he was so frantic. He…he begged me to save you, gave up his weapon and his freedom, and allowed me to enter his mind. The rest, as they say, is history."

Neri's mouth hung open slightly in bewilderment as she mulled over all Luke had told her. Kylo had risked everything for her wellbeing, had made a decision that entirely destroyed the life he had created to save her. She felt as though she wanted to cry or to scream or to laugh but couldn't decide which was appropriate. She instead looked at Luke Skywalker with her unsettling blue eyes.

"I want to see him," she said, her voice unreadable.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

A/N – I'm bummed that I didn't get to post a chapter yesterday, or the day before, because school kind of takes over on class days. I'm going to try to keep up with posts in between my abundance of assignments and life in general, so bear with me! This chapter is short but I'll be doing more today and hopefully posting them as I complete. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 24

When the door opened into Neri's room it was not Kylo, but Leia, that burst inside. The older woman was at her side and pulled her into a crushing hug before Neri could say hello.

"I thought I had lost you," Leia wailed as Neri hugged her back. "On the Starkiller base, I thought you were gone forever. Don't ever scare me like that again Neri Lei."

Neri murmured that she wouldn't and smiled as Leia pulled back. She glanced over the general's shoulder and saw Kylo standing sheepishly in the doorway. Leia turned, following her gaze, and stepped away from the bed. "I'll leave you two alone…to talk," she said. She and Luke exited, feeling the anxiety rolling off of Kylo in waves.

The breath caught in Neri's chest as she truly looked at him for the first time since waking. His face was dirty, clothes torn, and he wouldn't lift his eyes to hers, instead choosing to look at the floor.

Neri reached out with the Force, dying to know what was in his head and Kylo, so preoccupied with his thoughts, didn't notice her intrusion. She felt many things: anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, but was taken back by the fear that was within him. It overtook her, sent a shiver down her spine.

"Are you afraid of me?" she asked curiously, knowing that that didn't make sense.

Surprised, realizing that she had been in his head, he lifted his eyes and looked at her. "Yes," he replied quietly.

"Why?"

"You could destroy me, right now."

Neri's brow furrowed in confusion. She, destroy him? Kylo Ren, one of the greatest wielders of the Force in memorable history? "You are much more powerful than me," she said. "I couldn't even scratch you."

He cleared his throat. "There are many ways to destroy a man, Neri Lei, the least of which is bodily."

Neri felt as though she may cry and ached for the comfort of his embrace. She had been so afraid of him when she awoke beside him but, after hearing Luke's explanation and feeling the hurt in the room with her, she was only afraid of losing him. She pushed the itchy blanket from her legs and swung them over the side of the bed sorely. She had her feet planted on the floor before he realized the movement.

"What are you doing?" Kylo asked. "You shouldn't be-"

Neri ignored him, steadying herself momentarily on the chair before stepping clumsily across the room to him. Kylo shrank back against the door, unsure of her intentions, and held his breath.

She stood there, in front of him, unsteady on her feet, and reached up a skeletal hand to his jaw. Her fingertips brushed along his skin and Kylo froze, enraptured by the contact. After a long moment, he leaned into it, eyes closed to relish the moment as long as he could.

Neri swayed, legs feeling weak, and Kylo held out his arms to her, steadying her at a distance. He was reminded of their first meeting, when he had held all the power, and smiled despite his fear that she would discard him.

"Neri…" he started, unsure of anything to say that could be adequate. He looked down at her, and she up at him, unspoken words falling between them.

She wound her fingers into his hair and pulled him down to her, touching her forehead to his. Kylo could fell her energy reaching out, overtaking his in his moment of vulnerability. He felt his fear being replaced by a warm contentment, a sensation of relief. This was what she felt? He had expected disgust, fear, even murderous intentions, but none of that came through to him.

He shut his eyes, thinking of all the ways he had wronged her and so many others, wondering how he could ever be forgiven for his misdeeds. His father had always said that all men deserve redemption, but his father had not known the extent of his cruelty. He had done horrendous acts for his master, his reputation, his fear of never being enough, and none of them deserved forgiveness. He had become the monster everyone thought he was, losing the man that could have been.

"I don't think you're lost, not hopelessly at least," Neri said, reading his thoughts. "Or a monster." She pulled back, searching his face, and brushed a knotted lock from Kylo's forehead.

His mouth was dry when he spoke, voice cracking. "I am, Neri. I don't deserve to be in this room with you or-"

Neri kissed him, halting whatever it was he wanted to say. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and held him to her, deepening the kiss hungrily. Kylo, first taken back, returned her hunger, encircling her small waist with his long arms. They broke apart after too few moments, gasping for air, and Kylo looked down at Neri.

He thought she had never been more beautiful than then, though he was sure she would disagree. She was his redemption, his salvation, and he would spend his entire life trying to deserve her. "Neri," he said, running his thumb over her cracked, swollen lips. He swallowed the fearful lump in his throat and cleared his throat. "I love you. Despite who I am…who I've been, the things I've done…I love you."

She kissed him again, softly, and said that she loved him as well. He closed his eyes at the sound of it, wishing he could hear it every second of the rest of his life, and held her against him until he felt her waiver. He led her to the bed and she pulled him down beside her despite his protests that he would dirty the sheets and take up too much space.

They rested there for a while, she telling him repeatedly that she didn't care how filthy he was and he pulling her nearly on top of him to keep her from falling off the side, and, when they rose, Kylo knew that he was meant to be a new man. The light within him was overtaking the dark.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

Chapter 25

Neri, up to her neck in hot water, thought that nothing had ever felt so physically blissful than the bath that had been drawn for her. They had arrived at the Resistance base one hour earlier and Leia had insisted on a long soak before anything else. She and Kylo had been split up upon arrival at the base, just a few hours after they awoken from their rest, and she wondered where he was. Showering, she guessed, scrubbing off the filth of the past several days.

She sunk deeper into the tub and blew bubbles with her mouth, finally allowing herself to dip under the surface completely. When she came up, she scrubbed at her skin until it was pink and washed her hair. The comb caught each and every knot and she grimaced as she forced it through her short hair, eventually throwing it across the bathroom in frustration.

The water had gone cold and, luxury gone, Neri thought that she was just sitting in her own filth and pulled the plug, rising unsteadily to grab a towel. As she dried herself, she looked at the clothing that Leia had brought her before her bath. Her fingers ran over the simple white dress, the soft boots that had been hers before the Starkiller base. She wondered why Leia had held onto them, as the general had told her all of her other clothes had been disbursed between whomever was small enough to fit into them, and pulled everything on. The dress was a little too big on her now, having not eaten in several days, but it was a comfort, a reminder that she belonged somewhere. She stepped from Leia's bathroom gingerly and joined her in the small sitting room of the general's apartment, from which they went into the base to find Kylo and some food.

Kylo, on the other side of the compound, stepped out of his intentionally sweltering shower and dried himself with a rough towel that a droid had provided. He looked at himself in the mirror, noticing just how gaunt he had become, and frowned at his reflection. He looked more like a wraith than a man, desperately in need of a long sleep and a large meal.

He tried not to roll his eyes at the clothing left for him and pulled it on, trying to ignore the lack of his preferred black. The tunic was beige, looking nearly identical to what a Jedi would wear, and the leggings dark brown. His old boots, all but ruined in his final days on the First Order's base, had been discarded and replaced with a soft brown pair that were (if he were being honest with himself) were much more comfortable that anything he'd worn in the last few years.

Once dressed, he looked at himself again in the mirror and didn't recognize his reflection. He looked like a Jedi, not a Knight of Ren, and scowled because he was neither. Running his fingers through knotted hair, he sighed and left the bathroom. His uncle waited for him, acting as both protector and babysitter on the base, and, in silence, they left the room to join Neri and his mother. He tried to ignore the glares along the way.

Neri received a warm welcome as she walked through the halls of the base, greeted back to the Resistance by its many members. Along with her former friends and collaborators were many new faces, and she wondered when the Resistance had gotten so large.

"Lei!" shouted a man from down the hall. "Neri Lei!"

Neri turned to find Poe barreling into her, encasing her in a tight bear hug that took her off her feet. She would have hugged him back if her arms weren't pinned to her sides and gasped for air once he released her and set her on the floor unsteadily.

"Exuberant as ever," she said as she rubbed her arms to regain feeling in them.

"How can I not be?" he replied, laughing. "I thought I'd lost my star pupil but here you are, and in one piece from what I can see."

Neri made her face as grim as possible. "I'm actually missing most of my middle. General Organa hoped the dress would keep anyone from noticing."

Poe punched her playfully in the arm and stepped back, looking her over to make sure she was really intact. Neri noticed his companion then, remembering him despite their short time on the base together.

"Fin," she said, smiling at the former stormtrooper. "How do you find the Resistance?"

He glanced at Poe and smiled back at her shyly. "I find it to be very satisfactory," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Much better than the First Order, as I'm sure you know by now."

Neri shrugged. "I had a sheltered view of it. I trained mostly."

Fin's face hardened. "Under _him,"_ he said, and Neri could feel the animosity rolling off of the normally pleasant man.

She knew that this would be the most common response to Kylo, and surmised that it would be better to face it head on rather than avoiding the obvious issues. "Yes, under him. I think you will find him quite the changed man, as we find you after your dissention." She stared into his dark eyes, not wavering in her defense of the man she had come to love. "Should we distrust you as well? Think of you only as a stormtrooper?"

Poe began to say something but Fin beat him to it. "They brainwashed me from childhood, punished me in ways you wouldn't imagine when I didn't comply."

Neri smiled sadly. "You and Kylo have that in common then. You should be the first to understand his struggle to escape the darkness that is the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke."

"It's not the same thing!" Fin nearly shouted. "He's a murderer, an absolute-"

"Monster?" interrupted a voice behind Fin and Poe. Kylo stood there beside his uncle, face blank. He looked at the former trooper. "I won't deny either accusation and can give you several more if you like."

"Ren," Fin spat out, his disgust clear on his face.

Kylo stepped around him to stand nearer to Neri. "I am no longer part of the Knights of Ren so that title is no longer necessary."

Fin glowered at him and everyone else held their breath, not wanting to intervene. Neri knew that this would be the first of many such altercations and that her word would not be enough to convince anyone of anything. Kylo's mother and uncle, feeding off of each other's calm energy, watched him closely, noticing how he placed himself before Neri to guard her from possible harm and how she immediately moved beside him to face said harm equally. Poe was both horrified and bemused at the presence of his former torturer and thought that he should take life more seriously at times such as these.

"Do you expect me to believe that you changed so much just because you met someone?" Fin wouldn't back down. "No offense to you Neri, though I'm really not comprehending how you could care for…this."

"Haven't you changed, since meeting your pilot? I'm sure your relationship has altered you drastically in some way." Fin and Poe both looked aghast and Kylo smiled, continuing. "Everyone here knows already; can't you sense their complete lack of surprise? I don't need the Force to see that." Everyone shrugged as the two men looked at them. It had been fairly obvious to anyone with eyes.

Kylo took a step closer to Fin. "Besides," he said quietly, looking intensely at his now-counterpart. "I always struggled with my commitment to the dark, from the moment I left my uncle's training. You saw what I wished for you to see, so I wouldn't expect you to understand. Remember though, I saw your dissention on Jakku and did nothing. I let you scurry away, back to your ranks and your fake anonymity. Neri was merely the push I needed to realize the egregious error in my ways." Kylo stepped back, took Neri's hand in his. She felt the tremor in his fingers, felt the anxiety in him. She tried to calm him, leaning into his arm and allowing her energy to seep into him.

Leia bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from smiling at his change. She thought she should remain unassailable when regarding her son, show her troops that she was interested in the wellbeing of the Resistance first and family loyalties second.

"I think it is time for Neri to finally get something to eat," she said, turning on her heel. Neri and her son followed without another word to Poe or Fin and Luke completed the group, a few steps behind the couple. Kylo thought briefly that this was how prisoners were escorted, with a guard in the front and back, but let that escape his mind as quickly as it came. He was prisoner only of his own guilt.

Neri was eating voraciously, her hunger of several days finally catching up with her when she sat down in the crowded dining hall. Kylo received withering stares from those around them but he ate quietly, his face unreadable to all but her. She could sense his inner turmoil, the struggle between his pride and his guilt, and held his hand beneath the table. Every few minutes they would hear his name come up in conversations around them, but they both pretended to ignore the jabs.

Luke and Leia had left them alone, each of them having other duties to see to, and no one else approached the table until there was a loud thump on the bench across from them. They both jumped, having been focused on their food and their quiet, and simultaneously looked at whoever had sat down.

Rey, her hair in a long braid over one shoulder, had already begun eating. Neri thought that perhaps eating was a generous word for what the young woman did. She was more or less inhaling her food.

Kylo stiffened beside her and set his fork down. "Are you here to babysit me?" he asked his uncle's new padawan mockingly.

Rey shook her head and took a long gulp of water before answering him. "You don't need a babysitter," she said. "I'm just trying to be friendly, or did you not need that in this room full of love for you?"

Neri squeezed his hand, feeling his annoyance building. She knew Rey could probably feel it too. "Most haven't been so accepting of his…change."

Rey shrugged and ripped a piece of bread apart with nimble fingers. "Master Luke says that he's seen into your mind, Kylo or Ben or whoever you are. He said that your intentions are good."

Kylo looked at Neri and then at the girl who had bested him on the Starkiller base. "And that's it?" he asked incredulously.

Rey nodded. "I trust him," she said simply. "If he has forgiven you for all you've done, who am I to question it? He is the son of Darth Vader, after all, he should know a thing or two about redemption."

Neri frowned, not understanding. She knew who Luke was and, vaguely, who his father was, but she didn't see the connection. She thought it was a question best saved for another time.

Rey, her mouth full of bread, pointed at Kylo's face. "I got you good, didn't I?" she asked, smiling. "Think of how quick I could beat you now that I've had actual training."

Kylo rolled his eyes and picked up his fork. He wouldn't be goaded by her. The last thing he needed was an outburst in the middle of a room of people who already didn't trust him.

"Is he always so moody?" Rey asked Neri. Neri decided to eat rather than answer and Rey huffed comically. "You're both zero fun, but I have to endure your droll company for a few moments longer at least."

"Why is that?" Kylo asked, an edge to his voice. "We aren't keeping you here."

Neri nudged him in the ribs and told him to be nice, which made Rey laugh.

"I'm taking you to your room, unless you'd like separate quarters of course. Master Luke said you'd prefer to be together, but Neri, if you wanted to desert him I absolutely understand."

Neri blushed at the thought of Luke Skywalker recommending a shared room for Kylo and herself. She couldn't imagine what he had seen when he looked into their minds. "One room is fine thank you," she muttered.

Finished with their food, the three rose together and strode through the dining hall. Curious eyes followed them, wondering why Rey was being friendly with their enemy, and Kylo bristled under their gaze. He walked behind Neri and Rey who were conversing easily and wondered when he would stop being the main attraction.

Not soon enough for Kylo and too soon for both of the young women before him, they reached the quarters that would belong to the couple indefinitely. Rey entered a code on the keypad and the door opened, Kylo stepping inside quickly. Neri followed, thanking Rey emphatically, and laughed as Rey shouted through the closed door, her words muffled but still too loud.

"Be quiet about that forbidden love of yours! These walls are far too thin for that nonsense!"

The entire base must have heard.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

A/N – Let me tell you how happy I am to be able to write a chapter of this instead of doing my advanced statistics homework. I should be doing that homework but I think it's truly killing me. Statistics is how I die. This is a short chapter, a quickie if you will, but longer ones to come. Enjoy!

Chapter 26

The door had barely shut when Neri felt hands around her waist. She allowed herself to be turned around and Kylo's mouth was against her before she could say anything. He kissed her hungrily, as though he'd never have another chance to, and Neri knotted her fingers into his hair to pull him closer.

He lifted her easily, pushing her dress up over her knees, and settled her against him as he backed her up to the wall. Neri could already feel his erection pressing against her and she grew wet nearly instantly.

Kylo moved frantically, as though he was panicked that she would change her mind, and Neri felt his anxiety, his uncertainty. She pulled back, gasping for air.

"Ky," she said, brushing his hair out of his flushed face. His dark eyes met hers and she could see his struggle in them. "You've got your entire life of me if you want it, there's no need to rush."

He searched her face as if trying to find deception and then smiled, kissing her forehead, nose, and then lips gently. Neri kissed him back, exploring his mouth with her tongue slowly, and Kylo moved from the wall, carrying her to their shared bed.

He laid her on her back softly, lips moving over her smooth neck and her collarbone. Neri let out a low moan and he almost keened, his need for her was so strong. He had his whole life with her, she had said so. She somehow still wanted him.

Neri's small hands tugged at his tunic and Kylo helped her remove it. He threw it across the room in a heap and felt goosebumps spreading across his skin as Neri ran her cool fingertips over his bare chest. She seemed to be memorizing his scars, mapping them out like constellations, and for the first time Kylo didn't feel self conscious under her gaze. She took her time and he let her, finally claiming her mouth when she glanced up at him.

He stood and pushed her dress up, helping her to tug it over her head carefully so as not to rip it. He placed it on the floor neatly, having grown partial to Neri in dresses. When he turned back to her, she was entirely bared to him on the bed, once again the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Neri sat up, leaning towards him, and they met in the middle with a heated kiss. She shoved his trousers off, almost making him trip in the effort to remove them fully, and pressed her small body flush to his.

Kylo sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her onto his lap, arms wrapped around her to keep her from falling. He ran his hands over her back, the swell of her ass, the curve of her thighs, before settling on her hips. Neri, flustered by their nearness, lowered her hand and held his cock, stroking slowly as he moaned.

He whispered her name again and again and she rubbed herself against him, the head of his cock wet from her. When Kylo couldn't take it anymore, he pushed himself into her, burying his length inside.

Neri grasped his shoulders and bit his neck to keep the loud moan in her throat from escaping. She rocked against him slowly, their movements matched perfectly. Kylo held her against him, face buried in her neck, and felt his orgasm building. Neri pulled back and looked at him and he knew that she was near her end as well. She chewed on her lip to keep her pleasure cries contained and he smiled, covering her mouth with his hand.

They came together, Neri whimpering against his hand and Kylo clenching his jaw to keep from groaning. When they were both able to see again, to move again, he ran a finger down her jawline and kissed her deeply, thinking himself the most fortunate man in the galaxy. She kissed his nose gently and rested her forehead against his.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," she returned.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer – I don't own Star Wars, though I could with all the money I've spent on movie tickets since it came out.

A/N – For the past few days, I've been in quite a rut. I didn't want to write or read or do anything really, but I've realized that it's just been my normal pre-birthday blues (I turn 26 tomorrow yuck). My mom took me to see Star Wars (for the third time) tonight, so I'm feeling much better. I hope you enjoy and thank you for waiting for me to shape up J.

Chapter 27

When Kylo opened his eyes, there was nothing but darkness around him. His pupils dilated, straining to find any source of light, and he was suddenly blinded by an intense red glare of unknown origin. He spun, arm across his face as his eyes watered from the pain. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily, and fumbled around his middle, searching for his lightsaber. There was nothing there, nothing to defend himself with. He took a deep breath and calmed his mind, telling himself that he needed no weapon other than himself.

"The great Kylo Ren," said a voice at a distance, all too familiar. A shudder ran down Kylo's spine; he knew whose presence he was in. Footsteps approached, so faint that another person wouldn't be able to discern them from the pounding in their own head. His heartbeat threatened to deafen him and he urged it to slow, for his body to remain still.

"Supreme Leader," said Kylo, opening his eyes as the blinding light faded.

Before him stood his former master, towering over him in his commanding frailty. He was like a stalk of wheat, great in height but not in build, and his former apprentice appraised him openly, wondering from where his power came. How could such a weak form contain such dominance?

Snoke laughed at him as he read his thoughts, the stink of his hot breath flooding Kylo's nose and causing it to wrinkle. "Am I still your leader? Your master? I think not, with such observations."

Kylo smiled, foolishly confident in himself. "You are correct Snoke; you are just the leader of a dying army. You are not my master; you're nothing but a weak old man, desperate to escape his destiny. Do you feel your death approaching?" His words were barely his own, flowing from his mouth freely without thought. Fleetingly he wondered why he was not afraid, why he did not censor himself.

Snoke, rather than growing angry, smiled ferociously at his former apprentice. The gesture was grotesque on his face, stretching his scars and the spaces where skin ought to have been. He reached out a gnarled hand and let his fingers hover inches above Kylo's face. A bead of sweat rolled down the young man's brow and he finally felt the familiar tug of fear.

"There is death approaching, yes, but it is not my own." Snoke circled Kylo and Kylo felt himself freeze, unable to budge from his spot. Suddenly, his face was inches from Snoke's, the air between them buzzing with power. He could barely breathe, feeling as though the air in his lungs was being taken from him.

Snoke lowered his hand and stood to his full height, stepping back. His voice was sure, robust, without any of the labor it normally held. "You will bring her to me, in the end, and you will witness what seeds your treachery has sown. You will watch as I strip the skin from her pretty face and that body, that pitiful scrap of nothing that seduced you, will be nothing but a shell when I am through with it. There are none who have known the pain I will give to her, Kylo Ren. This girl, this slave turned pilot turned lover, will suffer for your sins. Neri Lei will answer for your crimes and you will beg me for death once I am through. You will beg me to pluck the eyes from your head."

Kylo tried to speak, tried to move, but he could not. The world around him was going dark, pressure building in his head that threatened to open his skull, and he collapsed to his knees. He could not let Snoke take Neri, could not let him hurt her. She was better off without him, better off dead than in the presence of his former master. He would be lost without her. The universe would fall away. He would be no one. He would send her to the other end of the galaxy…he would make her leave him…he would protect her…he would…he would…

Finally, a scream escaped his lungs and everything went black.

"Ky! Ky! Wake up!" the voice was so far away that he thought it was a figment of his imagination. He felt himself being shaken roughly, small hands against his shoulders and face, and finally he opened his eyes.

Neri's face swam in his vision, inches from his own. She looked panicked, hair tousled and eyes shining, and she wouldn't stop saying his name until he took a deep breath.

She collapsed against his chest, shaking. "I thought you'd never wake," she said, panting. "You wouldn't stop screaming."

A dream, it was nothing but a dream. He tried to convince himself and her of this as he wrapped his arms around Neri, holding her to him in a crushing embrace. He knew that what he had felt was not just a dream, that Snoke had invaded his mind somehow. He had been so careful to remain guarded, to hide his thoughts from the very man who had taught him how. If Snoke were able to access his mind, he would know where they were. He could come at any time, destroy them all while they were still making war preparations.

But no, Snoke would not do that. He would wait for the fight to come to him, thinking himself safe in his hole of a base. He would wait for Kylo to bring Neri to her death. Kylo could not let that happen. He was no longer a man who served his own self-interests while ignoring those around him. He could not be his former self, the monster created by Snoke.

Kylo pushed Neri's hair from her forehead and kissed her furrowed brow, shielding his thoughts from her entirely. She could not know what he had seen, must never feel his fear. She sat up, resting her splayed palm on his bare chest. Her skin felt cold against him, and he was sure that he had been burning up in his sleep.

His eyes traveled over her face, trying to erase Snoke's words, and fell on her lower lip. It was split, blood just beginning to clot. He ran his thumb over the spot and she sucked her lip in, hiding it from him.

"What happened?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She shook her head, minimizing it. "You were asleep, you didn't know what you were doing."

He sat up and pulled her lip from her mouth. She mustn't hide his misdeeds, especially from him. "It doesn't matter. I should never hurt you, must never hurt you. You need to stop forgiving me so easily for my mistakes Neri." He pulled her against his chest and shivered as she wrapped her arms around his bare torso. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, her hair tickling his neck. "I know you are, Kylo-"

He jolted, the sound of his name disgusting to him. He had ruminated in the sound of his name on her lips for weeks, enjoying it more each time, but his visitation from Snoke had ruined it. The great Kylo Ren, he had been called. He had been called many things in his life, but that was the worst.

He put Neri at arm's length and looked at her troubled face. Her eyes searched his for an explanation but found none. "Don't call me that anymore," he said, his voice commanding.

She was confused, that much was obvious. She had called him by his name for weeks; he had requested it from her. "But you are Kylo," she said, unsure.

He kissed her forehead, his head aching from the strain of keeping her out. It was for the best, he told himself, best that she not know that he was being torn apart by the pain of what he knew he must do.

"Kylo Ren is dead," he said gently, looking into her eyes as he cupped her face. "That monster is dead." He kissed her deeply and then wrapped her in his long arms, pulling her into his lap. "I am Ben Solo."

Neri fell asleep as the sun began to rise; Ben could not sleep for his mind was too busy preparing. He must save her, even if it meant his own death.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer – I do not own Star Wars.

A/N – I am so sorry for not posting a chapter sooner. This week has been kind of insane between my birthday, my mother-in-law's birthday, school, a gnarly stomach flu, trying to find a job, and -15 degree weather (that's Fahrenheit so let's not talk about how cold I've been). Hopefully I'm out of this sad slump and will be able to update more frequently, so thank you for bearing with me. I appreciate every read, review, follow, and favorite, so thank you for keeping me going. Happy reading!

Chapter 28

When Neri awoke, she was alone in the bed, the space where Kylo, no, Ben, had been already cold. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, wondering where he could be. He hadn't been one to sleep in from what she had known, but why hadn't he woken her? Shrugging to herself, Neri got up and padded quietly to the bathroom, wondering if she was meant to be somewhere or if she didn't yet have obligations to the base. She hadn't finished her pilot's training, but also hadn't finished her training with Ben. Frowning to herself as she brushed her teeth, Neri thought that she was incomplete in all combat. Could she be of any real use in taking down Snoke?

She shook her head, ridding herself of such thoughts. She couldn't let doubt take over. It would make her weak. She stared at herself in the mirror, from her hair that was growing back slowly to her cheeks that were still sunken from her time spent not eating. Her fingertips probed her split lip gingerly, dried blood caked there and on her chin. Neri scrubbed her face with icy water and threw the washcloth in the sink, leaving it there to begin her day.

Once dressed, Neri moved through the base with a familiar calm, having spent more time there than anywhere other than her home on Bohem. She reached out for Ben's presence in the Force but felt nothing. Why was he shielding himself from her? Anxiety flooded her, eliciting a shiver to run up her spine. Had she blundered somehow? Perhaps he was masking himself from everyone, for safety's sake, and she was being ridiculous. She hoped as much at least.

"Neri Lei," said a voice behind her.

She smiled when she saw who it was. "Rey," she replied. "How are you?"

Rey adjusted her sleeves and fell in step with the smaller young woman. "Excited to finally be done with all this First Order nonsense so I can complete my training. Are you headed to the mission briefing?"

Neri had forgotten about the mission briefing but nodded, following Rey to their destination. Is that where Ben had gone? She was annoyed now that he hadn't woken her, thought to have words with him once it was over. Did he think she wasn't a part of the mission? That she wasn't good enough? Even if she wasn't his apprentice, she was a pilot trained by Poe Dameron himself. She fumed as she walked.

The room was packed with Resistance fighters, but there was no sign of Ben. Rey sat beside Fin and Neri beside Rey, and she heard the former storm trooper say something about Poe's tardiness. The space was buzzing with the voices and energy of so many, and Neri felt herself tensing from their activity. Rey noticed her agitation and patted her hand, smiling.

"It's hard to go from solitude to all this noise," whispered the young padawan. "Their voices, their thoughts, their emotions – you just have to get used to blocking them out."

Neri nodded, happy that someone understood her discomfort. She focused her mind, trying to quiet the distractions around her, but her concern for where Ben could be blocked her progress.

Leia and Luke walked into the room and everyone halted their conversations. The siblings looked around them, taking in the faces of their fighters, until they finally landed on Neri, who was very obviously missing a counterpart.

Luke raised his eyebrows at her and she shrugged to let him know that she had no idea where Ben was. He closed his eyes for a moment, searching for his nephew, and when he opened them they were despondent. Neri wished she could read his thoughts, just to know what he had seen of Ben. The weight in her stomach was growing.

Leia searched the crowd not only for her son but also for Poe, who still hadn't arrived. She needed him to advise her on their flight strategy, having none as skillful as he. Fin fidgeted in his seat, knowing that Poe would never be this late to a meeting.

Luke leaned in close to his sister and whispered in her ear. She drew back a moment later, her face drawn and lips pinched together. Neri nearly asked her what Luke had said, in front of everyone, but her chance was interrupted by a technician running into the room.

"The Millennium Falcon is missing!" wheezed the technician, obviously having run the length of the base to inform his general of the absent ship.

Leia only nodded, and Neri knew what Luke had told her a moment before. It was suddenly very obvious where Ben and Poe were, though much less obvious why.

The sun had just risen when Neri had fallen into a deep sleep, and Ben kissed her lightly on her forehead as he left the bed. He looked at her for a long moment, the early morning rays lighting her white hair and pale skin to give her an otherworldly aura, and tried to memorize the curves of her face, the movement of her breathing. He knew that he would never see her again if he failed and steeled himself, preparing for that possibility. He smiled as he turned from her, knowing that if he failed he may at least have the comfort of death to guard him from missing her.

He dressed quickly and quietly in the clothes provided for him, still disappointed in the lack of darker tones in them. Tucking his lightsaber into his belt, he left the room without a backwards glance. He would never leave if he looked at her again.

There were few up on the base so early, and Ben walked through its halls slowly, not entirely knowing his way around. He rounded a corner that he thought would lead to the hangar and halted suddenly, having collided with another man.

Slightly jarred that he hadn't sensed the man rounding the corner, Ben shook his head and looked into the other's face, smiling at its familiarity.

"Poe Dameron," he said smoothly.

Poe seemed taken aback for a moment and then righted himself, once more possessing his normal, casual confidence. "Kylo Ren," he returned.

Ben cringed at the name but let it go, knowing that he didn't have time to explain his change of heart in that regard. He inspected Poe, the Resistance's best pilot, and smiled again, his plan taking shape in his mind. Whether Poe would comply or be persuaded by the Force didn't matter to Ben, but he thought he should at least attempt to give the man his free will.

"You are exactly the man I needed to see this morning," he said, his voice calm and smooth. It hid his rapidly beating heart. "I need your assistance."

Poe laughed, a short bark. "Are you lost? You probably shouldn't go wandering about without Neri if that's the case."

Ben shook his head. "No, I'm not lost," he said. "I am headed to the hangar." He hoped he was in the right direction for the hangar. He would look incredibly foolish otherwise.

Poe scowled, his brows furrowing. "You have no business in the hangar."

Ben clasped his hands behind his back to keep them from shaking. He realized that he needed Poe to comply, that he couldn't control his mind for his plan to succeed. How could anyone regard him as Ben Solo if he acted as Kylo Ren?

"I need to leave this planet," Ben returned assuredly. "The hangar is my only means of doing so."

Poe crossed his arms over his chest, gathering himself up to his full height as though he could be a match for the man in front of him. "Normally," he said, his voice still light, " I would be all for you leaving. The sooner the better, really, but I don't think you have that kind of clearance right now. You can't just come and go as you please. This isn't the First Order where you've got unlimited power."

Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes and tried to be patient, though he knew the chance of being caught grew with each moment. He opted to be direct and took a deep breath.

"I need to leave this planet immediately, Poe Dameron, because Supreme Leader Snoke visited my mind last night and assured me that he would not only destroy this base – as he knows exactly where it is – but also rape, torture, and kill the only person I've ever been able to truly love in my life. I am leaving this planet, right now, to kill him before he can do any of the things he promised, and I am doing so with or without your assistance. Kindly move out of the way or I will make you move out of the way. The latter will not be as pleasant as I am being right now."

Poe blinked several times as Ben waited for him to move, opening his mouth several times to say something before thinking better of it. Finally, a moment before Ben was going to make him move and forget their conversation, he spoke.

"Do you think you can kill Snoke with no one to help you? That you can get to him without being killed first?"

Ben nodded. "He trained me, showed me his weaknesses without being conscious of them. I can kill him alone." He rested his hand on his lightsaber to reassure himself of this. "Getting to him won't be difficult. He does not reside in the base itself, thinking it below him. He is alone, unprotected. Hux is dead, only Snoke must fall for the First Order to crumble."

Poe seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, toggling his head as though considering his options.

"Okay," he finally said. He looked directly into Ben's eyes and smiled. "I'll help you."

Ben nodded and moved past the pilot, knowing that Poe would need to make the decision to follow him himself. A few steps along, he realized that there were footsteps accompanying his. He turned and found Poe walking beside him, keeping stride with his counterpart's longer legs. Ben stopped.

"What are you doing?" he asked, genuinely surprised. He did not want to go back and force Poe into coming with him and was pleased he had chosen to do so on his own.

Poe made a face that seemed to call Ben's intelligence into question. "I'm helping you, like I said."

"Helping me was letting me go."

Poe laughed openly at the most dangerous man in the galaxy. "Just letting you go would probably mean letting you crash one of my X-fighters before you even got to Snoke. General Organa never said you learned to fly."

Ben clenched his jaw, telling himself to remain calm. It bothered him more than he cared to admit that his mother had spoken about him with others, had told them his faults. "I can fly one craft in your hangar quite well. I don't need your help."

Poe began walking towards the hangar again, speaking as he walked. "That one really needs two in the cockpit to run smoothly, so let's get going before this grand plan of yours is ruined."

Ben walked quickly to catch up, confused as to why Poe would help him without any form of mental persuasion. He was pleased, but baffled. He had tortured him for information, would have killed him if Fin hadn't helped him escape. Poe, with no sensitivity to the Force at all, sensed this confusion and looked at Ben's troubled face.

"You're not the only one who has everything to lose if this base is attacked," Poe told him quietly as they rounded the corner to the hangar. "Real love is hard to find, even if you're not a psychopath." He stalked up the gangplank and called back to Ben. "Let's go kill Snoke so we can be done with this nonsense before dinner time."

With a small, understanding smile, Ben followed Poe to the Falcon, a ship he hadn't been in for years. Feeling the weight of his past and his future on his shoulders, he sank into the co-pilot's seat, ready to face his maker.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N – I have to start by apologizing. It's been months since I last updated. I got swept away with school, working, trying not to go insane between these two things, and (happily) got engaged so throw in some wedding planning on top of all that. Thank you to everyone who has read thus far, and thank you especially to everyone who gave me feedback. I know that there are a lot of things you could be doing instead of reading my story, and appreciate it like you wouldn't believe.

The world is maybe going to hell in a hand basket right now so I'm going back to the one thing that occupies my mind well: writing. I hope you enjoy the conclusion of this story, which I'm going to try to write in an orderly fashion. This chapter will be a little short but I'll post the next one soon.

Chapter 29

"Master Luke, where could they have gone?" Rey asked as she rushed after her teacher. Neri, with legs far shorter than the other young woman, struggled to keep up in the crowd.

The briefing had been canceled, with all members of the base sent off to report to their commanding officers to be accounted for. Neri and Rey rushed after Luke and Leia, Finn on their heels.

Luke halted suddenly, his sister stopping at the same moment, and the other three nearly collided. Rey thought, not for the first time, that her master and his sister could read each other thoughts as easily as she could read scraps of metal.

"Where do you believe he has gone?" Luke asked, looking from his padawan to the others. Rey and Finn said nothing, catching their breath, but Neri chewed her bottom lip, splitting it open again, and spoke, voice barely a whisper.

"Snoke," she breathed out, hoping that she was wrong. She looked at Luke, searching his face for any indication that she was incorrect, and found none. Running a hand through her messy hair, she took a deep breath. "Ky-Ben had a dream last night that had him thrashing about, screaming as though he were being tortured. It took me forever to wake him…he wouldn't tell me what it was about."

Leia stepped forward and touched Neri's split lip, wiping the blood that had begun to trickle down. "Did he hurt you?" she asked gently, patting the younger woman's cheek.

Neri felt her eyes tearing up, fear rising in her that they would think Ben was still the man he once was. "He didn't mean to," she said unsteadily. "He wouldn't hurt me." As the words left her lips, even she didn't believe them. She sounded like the women her mother used to comfort, beaten time and time again by their husbands.

Before anyone could speak, Luke interjected. "No, he wouldn't. You're one of two people he wouldn't hurt," he said. He prodded into Neri's thoughts and she let him, feeling his presence as he combed through her memories of the night before. He thanked her quietly and turned to his sister. "I believe Snoke came to him, likely threatened him."

"He wouldn't just go without me, without all of us, to help him," Neri interrupted, feeling herself begin to shake.

Leia smiled sadly at her. "He would if the threat wasn't towards him. He has a lot more to lose than his life now."

Neri opened her mouth then closed it, unsure of what she meant to say.

"That doesn't explain why Poe is missing," Finn said, finally speaking up from behind his two friends. His tone was accusatory. "What if Ren made him go? Made him fly the Falcon? He's not safe-"

Neri's slap echoed down the hall and everyone around them paused for a moment before smartly going about their business. "Don't call him that," she snarled. "And don't assume the worst of him. He's nothing like that."

Finn gathered himself up to his full height and looked down at her. "You think you know him because you've known him a few months? You know the depths of his depravity because you've slept with him? You know nothing of who he is or what he's done!"

Neri was almost vibrating with the power suddenly trying to escape her small body. Finn shook as his face was drawn closer to hers, incapable of pulling away. Her voice was eerily calm when she spoke. "He killed me, Finn. What did he do to you?" Her icy blue eyes bored into his brown ones, searching for an answer. He had none. He knew that Ben had been lenient towards him, had allowed his subversion on Jakku.

"Enough, Neri Lei. Leave him be," said Luke calmly behind her. Her power let Finn go and he stumbled back, breathing heavily. Neri turned to the Jedi master, chin to her chest.

She mumbled her apology, expecting rebuke. Luke just shook his head. "There will be time for fighting amongst comrades later. Now, we must use our energies to bring down Snoke and return both Ben and Poe to us." He turned and began walking, the four others falling easily into step behind him.

Finn kept Rey between Neri and himself, a fact that had Rey fighting to keep the smirk from her face as they went. She made a mental note to keep Neri on her good side and brushed her fingers against the other woman's arm in solidarity. Neri glanced up at her and tried to return her smile, her face turning into a grimace instead. She needed to find Ben before she could smile.

Luke led them into a small conference room and called up the video feeds from the hangar and surrounding hallways. Looking through them faster than the others could keep up with, he found the footage containing Ben and Poe, slowing it so all could be witness.

They watched as Poe confronted Ben, saw no reason to believe that Ben had done anything malicious against the other man. Though they could not hear what transpired, they knew that Poe had chosen to accompany Ben. Finn couldn't understand why and made this known, his voice full of disbelief.

"You're an absolute idiot sometimes, you know that?" Rey teased, shoving him. "Maybe you'll understand his reasons when you're older."

Neri felt herself beginning to smile and started, remembering why they were watching the video feed. Her chest ached and she felt an aching emptiness. The Force buzzed within her, reaching out for the familiarity of Ben's signature. She tried to stop it, tried to tuck it away, but it ignored her entirely.

Luke stepped over to her and laid his hand on her shoulder, giving her a sense of calm. The buzzing finally stopped, replaced by trembling she also couldn't seem to help. "Shall we retrieve your complement?" he asked, smiling down at his nephew's lover.

She looked up at him and steeled herself. "Yes," she said, voice steady. "We shall."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Ben piloted the Falcon with Poe at his side like he had never left it. It had been years, decades, since he was comfortable enough to sit in the cockpit, but he felt himself settling in easily after they had approached the dark expanse of space. He could feel his father's presence with each passing moment, the memories of his childhood assaulting him as he navigated the ship towards Bohem.

He could also feel Neri, her presence so strong that he could imagine opening his eyes to her sitting beside him as they went to destroy his former master. He thought about opening himself up to her, reaching out across the stars to assure her that he was all right, but he knew he couldn't do that. He had to be single-minded in his mission, immune to distraction until Snoke was dead and all of his threats dead with him.

Poe's voice broke into his reverie. "Do you have a plan?" he asked, glancing over at his former enemy. Ben opened his eyes and looked at the pilot, who continued speaking. "I mean, we don't need a plan, but it would be kind of good to have one, you know?"

Ben wondered how someone could be so lighthearted when possibly flying to his death. "The plan is for you to help me get to Bohem and then leave," he said steadily, checking their navigation systems. They needed to come into the planet's atmosphere smoothly, avoiding detection as long as possible.

Poe laughed. "And you're just going to take down the entire First Order on your own?"

Ben clenched his jaw. "Yes," he said blandly.

Poe twisted slightly in his seat and set the controls to autopilot. "I didn't come along just to play driver you know," he said, his voice rising. "I've got just as much to lose as you do in this and…seeing as you're responsible for a lot of this mess, I think I deserve to come see it through."

Ben's fingers tightened around the controls and he fought to maintain his composure. He wasn't used to being challenged, at least not by anyone other than Neri. "I am well aware of my hand in this situation, Poe Dameron, and you have no idea how much I have to lose."

Poe seemed to be ready to climb out of his seat entirely. He was nearly shouting. "Do you think that you're the only one that loves her? The only one in the universe that would do anything to protect her?" Ben opened his mouth to speak, to tell him to stop speaking before he could share any intimacies that existed between Neri and this man. Poe continued without a taking a breath. "Neri is part of the only family I have, like a sister to me. I've known her a lot longer than you, friend, and you can't even grasp that because you're too caught up in your fantasy of being the only person in the galaxy to her!"

Ben's mouth hung open now, completely taken back. Six months before he would have snapped the pilot's neck for saying such things, but now he could barely breathe in response.

Poe had unshed tears in his eyes now, finally able to say the things he'd been holding in for what felt like forever. "It's not just Neri either. I've watched your mother brought to tears by the things you've done over and over again and still she thinks you're the son she lost years ago. She never thought you were a monster, even after she was cleaning me up from the torture your cronies put me through." He took a breath, ready to continue, but Ben stopped him with a low utterance he nearly couldn't hear.

"I'm sorry," Ben said, eyes cast downward.

Poe gaped for a moment. "Excuse me?"

Ben looked at him, his gaze direct. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "For all the pain I have caused." His voice dripped with sincerity and regret.

Poe thought for a long moment and then realigned himself in his chair. He straightened his jacket, taken the night before from Finn's closet, and reengaged his controls. "Well, alright, but I'm coming with you."

Ben smiled and nodded, and they proceeded to Bohem.

Neri had settled into the comfortable seat of Leia's transport and dozed off, the events of the day taking their toll on her. Luke piloted the ship mindlessly, having volunteered for the task that had always given him such joy. Leia sat beside him in the cockpit, contemplative as ever, and they shared the silence that so often settled onto the twins easily.

Rey and Finn were on another transport, that one holding a small troop of Resistance fighters than would land soon after Luke settled into the forests of Bohem. They strategized as best they could with the time they were given, discussing plans with the solo pilots who flew alongside them in deep space.

As Neri's eyes closed, her mind was filled with thoughts of Ben and Poe. She wondered if they had already reached her home planet, if they had killed each other over some disagreement before arrival. The two of them, both her lover and her friend, were never known for their even tempers and she worried if their greatest obstacle would be making it through their trip on the Falcon.

As her subconscious took over, Neri felt herself being washed over with a sense of calm that she could not manufacture when awake. She opened her eyes into her dream and smiled at the familiar face in front of her. He was young, handsome, with a scar intersecting his brow.

"You again," she said, her voice echoing briefly in the void they found themselves in.

He smiled down at her. "Me again," he replied, drawing nearer. "I see you chose to return to him."

Neri nodded, then frowned. "Was my mother upset with me?"

The man laughed. "No mother would wish her daughter to abandon what you have. She will wait for you, until your time."

"If you knew it wasn't my time then, why did you ask me to choose?"

The man sat down on a large boulder that materialized beneath them, and Neri settled in beside him. She heard the sound of waves gently lapping at a shoreline, though she could not see where they were.

"It could have been, had you wanted it to be. We rarely have control over such things, but I would say you chose correctly."

Neri lay back on the boulder, its cool smoothness comforting against her back. She took a deep breath. "I'm afraid," she admitted, looking at the man beside her.

He picked at a piece of grass he had conjured. "What of?" he asked, blowing the blade away. "Of death?"

She thought for a moment and shook her head. "Of losing him."

"Of his death then."

"No," she said, realization washing over her. "Of losing him to the darkness."

The man smiled, his handsome face lit up by the movement. He looked so familiar, but Neri couldn't place him. Where had she seen him before?

"I guess you know what you must do then, Neri Lei." He took her small hand in both of his and held it there for a moment before looking her directly in the eyes. She felt as if her soul was bared to him and couldn't breathe for a moment. She knew his eyes; where had she seen them before?

"What must I do?" she breathed out finally.

"You must be his light of course. His balance, his complement."

Neri felt the urge to cry and didn't know why. "Is that enough? Am I enough?"

The man laughed, the sound echoing through the void that once again surrounded them. Neri didn't realize that the boulder had disappeared, that the sound of the sea had gone. "Love is the only thing that is enough, little one. It redeems us when nothing else can."

He began to fade and Neri knew that she was waking up. She had so much more to say, but nothing came to mind in her desperation to conjure it. His hands were loosening from hers and she looked down at them and then into his face. "I don't even know who you are," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He smiled at her again. "Ani," he said, "my name is Ani."

Neri woke with a start and a gasp, firm hands grasping her shoulders.

She opened her eyes to Leia and Luke standing above her, Leia's hands gentler on her shoulders now. The older woman looked concerned, though her brother smiled slightly from where he stood behind her.

As Neri looked from one to the other, she knew she had known those eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

As Neri's feet touched the surface of her home planet, she was flooded with memories of her life there. She could hear her mother's voice, smell her perfume, feel the sensation of cracked lips on her forehead in the middle of a winter night. Neri allowed herself one moment to shut her eyes and let it all in, just one moment, before she opened them again and steeled herself to the task at hand.

She was in a patch of forest that was unfamiliar, a place she had never been. She had no idea if they were near her home or on the other side of the planet. She had never ventured out of her own village and, though it was large, her existence there was very sheltered. When had Snoke built his base there? Had she still been in her village then, free or as a slave? Had Ben visited her home when it was still her home?

Luke was speaking quietly to his sister, glancing over at Neri as she surveyed the landscape. She was listening, her head tilted and eyes shut, as though she could be guided by the sounds of the forest. When she opened her eyes once more, Luke knew that she heard something he could not, and followed as she stepped away without another word.

Leia had a blaster in each hand, a look of grim determination on her face. Her son was a fool for going off without them, for making them all worry. She knew that he had never been a selfless person, but had hoped that with Neri, he would have finally have a sensible head on his shoulders. Perhaps, she thought as she followed her brother and Neri, sensibility took more than a few months to form.

Luke had his lightsaber in his hand, finger hovering above the mechanism to activate it. He listened around him, looking back to his sister and forward to the woman he knew very little about. She seemed to be drawn forward by an unseen force, something even he could not detect. He knew better than to question it, had seen stranger things in his many years. Instead, he followed, ears perked up and senses clear for any sign of danger they may encounter.

Neri had no weapon, save for a small knife that she had been given on the First Order's ship. She clutched it in her hand, remembering when Ben had insisted she carried it, and hoped it could offer some small protection against the evil she was about to face. She knew it was foolish to believe that such a thing could save her, but she told herself that she only needed enough time to save Ben and Poe. She had no objective other than that. Perhaps it was her time to go.

What was it that drew her in? Was it a Ben's presence, reaching out to her in the Force? Was the Force itself guiding her? Was Snoke pulling her in like a moth to a flame? She did not fight the sensation, did not let doubt flood her mind. She would end up in the right place, regardless of what drove her. The journey was merely a means to an end.

Ben and Poe had landed some ways away from the base, as though that could keep Snoke from sensing their presence. Ben knew that the element of surprise was not on their side, that Snoke would be waiting for him, but he stalked quietly through the forest regardless, hoping at least to sneak up on the members of the First Order that were not fortunate enough to be Force sensitive.

"Which way?" Poe asked quietly, holding a blaster in each hand with two more tucked into his belt. The moment they had landed he had deferred to the other man, knowing that he was fortunate just to be allowed to come along.

Ben stilled for a moment and allowed himself to be drawn towards his former master's base, indicating their direction with a nod of his head. He drew his lightsaber and readied himself to activate it, knowing that they would not be alone for long.

"There are two stormtroopers on patrol, one hundred yards ahead of us. Let me handle them so your blasters don't draw more to us."

Poe nodded and bit back a sarcastic 'yes sir' before following his new comrade through the dense trees.

As they approached the soldiers, Ben moved as if he were fluid, dropping the two of them in a single movement. They crumpled at his feet quietly, and Poe stared at them in disbelief. He had thought his counterpart would at least use his lightsaber, but he had utilized nothing but his bare hands.

"Make sure I don't get on your bad side," he muttered to Ben as they stepped away, closer to the base.

"I was under the impression that I was all bad side," Ben returned, smirking despite their mission. Maybe if they survived he and Dameron could be friends.

They continued through the forest, perhaps treading closer to their deaths. Ben didn't care about what happened to him, so long as he saved Neri. He hoped she was far, far away.

Neri stopped suddenly and looked around her. The trees had begun to thin and she knew they were nearing the base. She looked back to Luke and Leia, silently asking for guidance.

Luke looked past her, seeing things that she couldn't. "Snoke is alone, but his chambers are heavily guarded. Leia and I can neutralize the soldiers, but you need to wait here Neri."

Neri spun wholly around to face him. "Wait here?" she asked, disbelieving. "I didn't come all this way to wait here."

Leia set her jaw and spoke in her soothing voice. "If Snoke gets you, everything is lost Neri. You're what he wants to destroy Ben."

Neri couldn't believe what she was hearing. When had they decided this plan? "You should have left me behind if you were going to abandon me now!" she said, her voice raising as high as she dared. "We could get a blaster for me off of one of the stormtroopers you taken down and-"

"No," they said simultaneously. They looked at her like she was a child, and she felt like a child in that moment, being chided by her parents.

"You have gotten us this far Neri," Luke said, shaking his head. He looked directly into her eyes and made a decision. "Go back to the ship and wait for us. If we don't return, leave. Don't come back."

Neri felt herself being compelled to action and her feet began to move of their own accord. Her mind fought with her body, telling it to stop, but Luke's command was far stronger than her own. She was hundreds of yards away from the base before they turned and moved forward, ready to face whatever enemy may lie ahead.

Neri was halfway back to the ship when she suddenly tripped over something. The contact with the ground jarred her, brought her back to the surface enough to regain control over her own body. She looked around to see what she had fallen over and backed away quickly, recognizing the stormtrooper masks.

As she realized that the troopers were lying on the ground she moved without thought, pulling their blasters away from them and arming them in her small hands. She looked around her for any more of the First Order's soldiers and saw none, thanking the Maker for her good luck. She wondered briefly if the troopers were dead or merely unconscious and how they had gotten into such a state, but tucked these thoughts away as she rose.

Turning back towards the base she had just left, Neri stepped quietly, knowing that she could not sit idly by as all those she loved fought her battles for her.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Poe continued to be awed by his newly acquired partner, eyes wide every time he felled another stormtrooper. The pilot was barely able to keep up with the former dark knight, his blasters feeling more and more like toys as he covered the back of his enemy. He had thought he'd known power when he had faced Kylo Ren in the interrogation chair, but that man was nothing compared to the vengeful warrior he fought beside now.

They eventually made it to the doors of the base, disabled with a simple flick of Ben's wrist. Once inside, Ben and Poe stopped for a moment to catch their breath, leaning heavily against the wall.

"What are you?" Poe gasped out, pushing his hair off of his sweaty forehead.

Ben smiled at him, sending a chill down Poe's spine. "I'll let you know when I find out," he replied, his breathing already normal once more. He felt exhilarated, ready for more. He wondered if it was vengeance or love that drove him. Both, of course, said a small voice in the back of his mind.

Straightening his sleeves and checking his boots to be sure they were secure enough to keep him from tripping (an adolescent habit he had never outgrown), Ben turned to Poe and gathered himself to his full height. "This is your last chance to turn around and leave," he said to his still-winded partner.

Poe laughed. "You think I'd go and let you get all the glory now?"

Ben found himself smiling again and cleared his throat to maintain his composure. He was probably walking into his own death; it was no time for merriment. His voice was stony when he spoke again, showing him to once again be a warrior at his core. "Be alert in here. You can't trust your own senses. If you aren't sure something is real, assume it isn't. You'll be safer that way."

Poe nodded and stood, checking his blasters for functionality. "I'll be fine. Where to?"

Ben pointed down the hall, which led to stairs descending into the unknown. "Snoke, like most snakes, prefers to be underground."

They took off in a quiet run, plummeting further and further towards their fate.

On the other side of the compound, Luke and Leia were making quick work of several stormtroopers, their motions fluid and in sync despite the years that had passed since their last battle together. As they reached the door, Luke opened it and pushed his sister inside.

With the door shut behind them and no danger immediately in front, they gathered themselves breathlessly. They were more than capable for their age, Luke maybe moreso than his sister, but still the air was slow coming.

"Do you think she'll stay put?" Leia asked, tucking an errant lock back into her bun.

Luke laughed. "Of course not, I'm almost surprised that I was able to compel her in the first place."

Leia's brow furrowed and she prepared to head further into the base. "I've known her for years, knew she was sensitive to the Force but I never thought…what do you think she is? Why is she so powerful?"

Patting his sister's shoulder gently, Luke shrugged. "I'll let you know when I find out," he said, an easy smile settling on his face. Leia nodded and readied herself for what may face them. She told herself that they had been in bigger scrapes than this before, that they had always eventually come out on top, but she knew her worry wasn't for herself.

They walked slowly down the passageway, tiptoeing down the stairs that led to their enemy.

Neri's biggest problem as a slave had been her inability to follow orders. Her insubordination had landed her in more trouble than she cared to remember, the scars on her back all too telling of this tendency to ignore superiors. Though she respected Luke and Leia far more than she could ever respect her owners, she wondered if there was something innate that pushed her to ignore what she was told to do.

As she ran back through the forest, looping around the base so as to avoid the siblings she had just left, Neri tucked such thoughts into the back of her mind for more attention later. She may not have a later if she died, she thought, slowing as she reached the doors, but then she really wouldn't have to consider her flaws at all.

There was a sound, a soft scuffling, approaching her, and Neri flattened herself against the wall. Her palms grew sweaty around the blaster she clung to and she took a deep breath to calm herself. Ben hadn't trained her to panic at the first sign of danger.

Shutting her eyes, Neri let the Force reach out into the world around her and feel for what came closer with each passing second. It was a person, no, two, and they felt nearly identical. Opening her eyes, Neri raised the blaster and fired twice, stunning the stormtroopers a few feet from her hiding place.

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding and shook her head, trying not to feel triumphant. She would face far worse things than soldiers inside the base.

The blaster in one hand and her small knife in the other, Neri disengaged the door with a nod of her head and stepped inside. She immediately felt the pull downwards and stumbled forward, led by the humming power within.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

As they descended further into the damp, cool interior of the base, Ben knew that reality was beginning to fade around him. Years of training with Snoke had prepared him for such a thing, but he knew that Poe would not be as fortunate in his defenses against such trickery.

"Dameron," he said, turning around in the darkness. He was a fool to allow him to come with him, should have sent him away before they even approached the base.

Poe was staring, wide-eyed, into the darkness, a lopsided smile on his face. "Finn?" he said dreamily. "What are you doing here? We're saving the galaxy."

Ben shook his head and approached the most qualified pilot of the Resistance. Gently, careful not to startle him, he laid his hand across Poe's brow and whispered into his ear. "I want you to go back to the ship and get ready for us to leave."

"Are we going on a trip?" Poe asked, swaying on his feet.

Ben held him up, letting his strength be channeled into his partner. "Anywhere you want to go," he murmured, putting images of Poe's path back to the ship inside of the man's head.

Poe suddenly threw his hands around Ben and kissed him on the cheek. Pulling away, he smiled at Ben. "You're really the greatest, you know that Finn?" he said sloppily, sounding a little drunk.

Ben fought the urge to laugh and patted his shoulder awkwardly. "You too Poe. Hurry back."

Poe turned on his heel and ran away, shouting a quick "I love you!" over his shoulder. Ben shook his head and made a mental note to never mention what had happened to anyone. At least, he thought, Snoke's malevolence hadn't seeped into Poe's mind. He was able to conjure up happy thoughts rather than what Ben knew faced him if his defenses were lowered.

Feeling a little weak from giving Poe some of his strength, Ben leaned against the wall and shut his eyes, contemplating which way he should go. It was so like Snoke to make the way clear for him, void of any more of the First Order's toy soldiers. He would always be one to lure others into a false sense of security.

Ben opened his eyes and walked forward, ever closer to his ultimate enemy. He steeled himself, knowing that he may not walk back out, but was comforted by the fact that he could at least protect Neri before his death. Losing her would be worse than anything Snoke could do to him, and Ben found strength in the idea that she was far, far away.

A voice startled him from his reverie and he spun around, slipping on the slick stones.

"Ben!" called a man, emerging from the shadows.

The former dark knight nearly stumbled, fear flooding his body and weighing him down. "Father," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

Neri thought it was strange, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, that she wasn't afraid. Surely when one is most likely about to die, there should be some sense of fear? Each stair she walked over brought her closer to her fate, to her possible demise, and though she felt many things, fear was not one of them.

She looked back for a moment and found only darkness, all light from the entryway into the base extinguished by distance. As she turned back, she was knocked back onto the stones roughly. She scrambled to find her blaster in the dark, knowing that any enemy could be hiding in the hopes of killing her, and instead found a familiar hand and a familiar jacket.

"Poe?" she whispered, reaching out before her to find his face. When she did, she was surprised to feel a smile there, spread as wide as ever.

"Neri, hi, I can't talk right now. I have to go get the ship ready. Finn and I are going on a trip!" His voice was rushed, higher than she remembered, and before she could respond, he had hurried off towards the doors.

"Poe! Poe!" she called after him, to no avail. She shook her head and wondered if she had imagined him, if the darkness and the power of the base had addled her mind.

She had all but convinced herself that Poe was a figment of her imagination when she stood, ready to continue towards one of the most powerful creatures in the galaxy. She was once again halted, this time by a voice quietly calling her name.

The hairs raised on the back of Neri's neck. "Mama?" she called, moving forward in the darkness. Her eyes strained, searching for her mother, and she barely felt the arms surrounding her and lifting her away. The blackness surrounded her and Neri lost consciousness, her mother's name on her lips.

"You aren't real," Ben said to his father, turning his back on the figure. He told himself not to be afraid, that an illusion could not harm him, but still he felt a shiver run down his spine. He moved forward a few feet and was halted by the body of Han Solo before him, blocking his path.

"Your guilt is plenty real son," replied Han after a moment, placing his hands on Ben's shoulders.

Though he knew the sensation was a figment of his imagination, Ben nearly leaned into his father's touch, longing for a time when the man would still welcome him as a son.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself. He was better than this, bigger than Snoke's tricks. He would face his father's judgment in the afterlife, which, all things considered, could be approaching quite quickly.

Removing Han's hands, which nearly felt real, Ben moved forward, through the shimmering apparition of the man he had loved until the moment he had cut him down. "My guilt is more real than Snoke can imagine," he said to the figure. "If he had really wanted to stop me, he would have placed mother before me, not you."

Before his weakness could slow him once more, Ben broke into a run. He didn't stop until he reached the doors that led into Snoke's chambers, ready to face his maker and repay him in kind.

Little did Ben know, Neri entered the rooms at the same moment, carried in by his greatest foe.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

As Neri awoke, she had the strangest feeling of emptiness. Her eyes opened to a dimly lit room, cavernous and damp. She could hear water dripping somewhere in the distance and she wondered fleetingly how big the chambers she found herself in were. She was exhausted, feeling as though she hadn't slept in days, and when she opened her mouth to yawn, her tongue felt gritty and dry. It took her a few moments of rubbing her eyes and pushing her hair from her forehead to realize that she had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there.

She sat up quickly and looked around, eyes landing on the tall, gaunt figure of a creature she had never herself seen but who she recognized immediately.

"Snoke," she said, her voice barely a whisper. The emptiness became suddenly painful and, though she tried to soothe it, no calm came to her. She felt as though every bit of her power had been drained from her body, leaving her a shell.

She looked down at her pale hands and moved her fingers, trying to no avail to move something, anything, with the power that had come so easily to her before. She looked helplessly at her enemy. "What have you done to me?" she asked, well aware of how pitiful she sounded.

Snoke smiled down at her, the gesture stretching his already disfigured face to the point of grotesqueness. He moved towards her, eerily graceful for someone who seemed to be decomposing before her eyes, and crouched down. His gnarled hand reached out to her and Neri backed herself away as far as she could before she hit a wall.

"I have done nothing to you. Your power left of its own accord." His voice was strong, all hints of breathlessness gone. He was well rested for this meeting, had been looking forward to it since his former apprentice had betrayed him. "Perhaps the Force realized that you weren't worthy of it." He chuckled to himself, the skin of his cheeks shuttering as he wheezed at his own humor. He hid the fact that her power's absence puzzled him, that he had been quite taken back to find it gone when he attempted to leech it from her small body. It was of no matter. She would be easier to destroy as an ordinary human girl.

"That's not possible," Neri said after a long moment, her voice shaking. Was it possible? Could she be deemed unworthy after a lifetime of being granted access to the Force? What could she have done to make it leave her now? How could she save Ben if she was powerless? She barely knew who she was without it thrumming quietly through her, hidden and reassuring.

Snoke twisted his fingers into her short hair and held her in place. His papery skin was cold, felt brittle against Neri's scalp. "You're grasping the depths of your desperation now, I see. Did you really think you could save him? That you were some kind of hero? You were a momentary distraction, a small bump in the road of his training in the Dark Side. You, a small, insignificant girl, could never truly take him from me." He stood, pulling Neri up painfully by her hair. She bit her lip to keep from whimpering, telling herself that she had suffered worse at the hands of her masters.

Snoke chuckled again, reading her thoughts. Even her mental defenses, so strong before, had left her. She was nothing but an unprotected, feeble human. Snoke was everything she was not.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head," Snoke said, settling her unsteadily on her feet. "I'll show you how much you can suffer. I'll show you how much he'll make you suffer after he pledges himself once more to his true calling."

Neri mustered up all of her strength and lifted her chin to him, determined to be defiant to the end. "He'll never go back to you," she said, jaw clenched and strong as could be. "You're nothing but a sad, old fool. He has found his true calling, and it is to the Light."

Snoke tilted his head, appraising her. With nothing more than a flick of his wrist, he sent her flying into the wall behind him. Neri crumpled to the floor, the breath knocked out of her, just as the door opposite her opened.

"Snoke!" called a familiar voice, echoing around her in the cavernous room.

Neri was filled with equal parts comfort and dread when she heard him, feeling as though there was perhaps hope after all but wishing he had never come. It would be better if she were dead and he safe, able to continue with his training under Master Luke. He would be able to overcome Snoke once and for all then, no longer tempted by the seduction of the other side. Ben couldn't go back to his former master, wouldn't abandon her and everyone she loved for the Darkness. He couldn't, could he?

Snoke turned slowly, in no hurry, and smiled at his apprentice. It had been so long since they had met face to face, and Ren seemed to have grown into himself. No longer was he an unsure, gangling adolescent but a truly grown man, filled with resolve and strength. Though Snoke knew that his resolve was to end his master's life, he reveled in the sensation of it crowding the chambers, nearly stifling all else. Such power could be harnessed for his own aim of conquering the galaxy and beyond. Never had his knight been so void of self-doubt.

"Kylo Ren," breathed out Snoke, clasping his hands before him comfortably. "How kind of you to finally join us. I was just becoming acquainted with your…woman."

Ben stopped in his approach, taken back momentarily. His eyes searched the dim room and found her, in a heap, behind Snoke. She wasn't supposed to be there. He should have defeated Snoke before she was able to leave the Resistance base. He could see the steady movements of her chest as she breathed, though her breaths were far too shallow. Reaching out to her through their bond, he was met with nothing. It was as though she wasn't even there.

"What is this trick? That is not Neri Lei." Ben smiled, reassured, thinking Snoke had tried to deceive him. There was no way that woman, who looked and moved as Neri did, was his powerful complement. That woman was empty, void of the Force. His had power seeping from her very pores.

Snoke smiled back at him, sending a chill down Ben's spine. "It is indeed, Kylo Ren. It is the strangest thing, but when I touched her, all power disappeared, as if chased from her body. What have you to say to that? Do you think perhaps it wasn't truly hers to start?"

Ben looked from his former master to the woman and back. Her eyes met his and held him; in that instant Ben knew that the helpless form was the woman he loved. He looked back to Snoke. "What have you done to her?"

Snoke merely shrugged, as though he couldn't be bothered by the situation. He rolled his wrinkled neck, stretching it leisurely. "As I told your friend, perhaps the Force deemed her unworthy. Perhaps it was only on loan." His face twisted again into a smile, amused by his own cleverness. He hid the fact that he was utterly perplexed by the situation, that he had no idea what had happened. All that mattered was bringing his apprentice back into the folds, in the Darkness. His plans could not move forward without Kylo Ren. Losing what power could have been gained from the girl was secondary, a nonissue.

Ben shook his head, finding his resolve once more, and faced his enemy with a clenched jaw and hand grasping his lightsaber firmly. Snoke had done something to Neri, had stripped her of the very power that had drawn him to train her in the first place, and he would determine how to restore her once his master was dead. "Let's end this," he said, his voice gravelly. He squared his shoulders, gathering himself to his full height, and strengthened his mental defenses as best he could. He wished he hadn't given any of his power to Poe, that he was wholly himself. He wished that Neri were somewhere else, anywhere else, where keeping her safe and unbroken couldn't distract him.

Snoke walked towards him unhurriedly, his quiet steps echoing throughout the chamber. He knew his angle, his attack. He could not beat Kylo Ren in a physical assault, had lost that prowess years before, but his powers of manipulation knew no bounds. "End it? It's only just begun my boy. Let's end this infatuation, this fascination with an insignificant, powerless girl. After all, she's obviously just a manipulation of the Light, a tool meant to destroy you. Perhaps the power left her because it was never really hers; perhaps someone granted it to her for the sole purpose of deceiving you. What better way to destroy a man than to make him believe he is loved?" Snoke stopped a foot away from his apprentice, his foul breath against Ben's cheek. "The powerless could never love us, only fear us. Your parents, your pitiful uncle, even that beast your father spent his life beside – they could never love you. I have given you everything, taken only what I needed to make you better. End this now, come back to me and we will continue your training as if you never betrayed my trust."

Snoke's words were like a seduction, their cadence lulling Ben into a trance state. It was a rare person who could compel him, make him do anything other than what he wanted to do, and Snoke was such a person. The hand holding his lightsaber lowered to his side, quelled by the words that had been repeated to him over the years as his master broke him down.

It would be so easy to accept Snoke, to be brought back into the folds of his Darkness. He had always been right, hadn't he? Had never lied to the young man he so mercifully took care of?

Snoke leaned into Ben's ear, whispering in his mesmerizing tone. "Kylo Ren could never be loved by one as powerless as she. The powerful can never be loved, only feared and respected."

Ben closed his eyes, feeling the pull of the Darkness dragging him under, making him complicit. He had been groomed for this; a decade or more had passed of being told that love was never something he could attain. Pacified by Snoke's familiar words, he felt himself weakening, believing that it had all been a farce.

He didn't see Neri stand from her helpless state, eyes wide and angry with renewed strength. He didn't feel the humming of her power as it returned to her, vibrating beneath the surface of her skin. He barely heard her as she spoke, voice clear and determined. "You're wrong," she bellowed, causing Snoke to turn around suddenly and let go of his hold over Ben's mind. His eyes grew wide at the sight of her, restored to power and nearly bursting with it.

Ben opened his eyes as Snoke's hypnotic presence left him. He blinked several times before he saw her, approaching his master like a vengeful spirit. Coming back to himself, Ben drew his lightsaber and readied himself, knowing that he must protect her at all costs.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Neri was almost shaking from the power that had suddenly filled her and felt as though her skin may split from the overabundance of energy being held within. Her head ached with it, eyesight going blurry as she stood. She had never felt such a thing in all her life, had never felt anything nearly as intense. If the ancient temples of the Jedi still existed, would their teachings discuss what was happening to her? Would the Sith have known? The Knights of Ren? She could barely breathe, driven entirely by her need to free Ben from the hold of his former master.

She looked to him, saw him raising his lightsaber in defiance of the creature that stood between them. A small smile graced her lips at the sight of him, the bottom still split from the night before which now felt like ages ago. Ben did not smile back, his lips set in a grim line, and Neri remembered herself, the situation they found themselves in.

She reached out to him through the bond they shared, not questioning for a moment how easily she could access his mind. She tried to reassure him, give him no cause for worry, as she herself felt as though she were limitless in that moment. She felt as though every being in the galaxy were feeding her, helping her in her mission to bring Snoke down. In the back of her mind she heard her mother's voice, heard the voice of the man who called himself Ani, heard a strange man speaking to her, calling her daughter.

Snoke's voice interrupted her ruminations, brought her back to the dank room. "Ready to play now Neri Lei?" he said, his voice wavering slightly as he approached her. He attempted to hide his uncertainty about what faced him, tried to appear as powerful as he had always been.

Neri, nearly appearing as she had for months, stood firmly in her spot. Her short hair was unruly, made more so by Snoke's assault of it, her clothing rumpled from her trip and being thrown into the stone wall at her back. She wore a loose tunic, leggings that hugged her short legs closely, and soft, familiar boots, the uniform of someone who was trained to defend themselves.

Looking above Snoke's head, Neri tilted her chin up, loosening some of the stone directly over her enemy. They fell around him, stopped in their descent by his outstretched hands. He threw her a look that would have withered a lesser woman and raised his arms towards her, causing the wall behind her to shudder and crumble. He pulled his hands to his chest, pulling the rubble as well. Neri was buried in a moment, disappearing from sight.

Ben lunged forward, lightsaber outstretched before him, and snarled at the creature that had been his teacher for so long. His thoughts went to Neri, but he still felt her presence in the Force beneath the wrecked wall, knew that she was alive.

His lightsaber glanced across Snoke's shoulder before the Supreme Leader could pull himself away. He stumbled but stayed upright, facing his apprentice with a grimace on his face.

The stones around Neri shuddered and fell at her feet as she emerged unscathed, walking calmly to Ben's side. She thought again, fleetingly, that she should perhaps be afraid, but she had no room in her for fear. She stood beside Ben, letting her fingertips brush across his exposed wrist for just a moment before she turned back to their common enemy. A current went up Ben's arm and into his body, making him feel as though he had been electrocuted, and he too faced Snoke without fear. Neri's power felt familiar to him, comfortable, but there was something else present in her that he couldn't quite place.

Snoke gathered himself to his full height and sneered at the couple, trying to maintain his façade of confidence. "The lovers, together once more. Weaker together than apart."

"Are those to be your last words Snoke?" Neri asked, her voice low and dangerous. She looked to Ben, as though asking him to act.

Ben obliged, reaching a hand out towards Snoke. The wizened old man, who had seemed so strong before, sputtered as the air was blocked from his lungs, throat closed by the unseen force of Ben's power.

"W-wait," he managed to get out, nearly lifted to his feet by Ben's influence.

Ben set him down for a moment, unable to keep from wanting to know what Snoke could possibly have left to say. He thought it a weakness, this inability to let such words die with his master, but accepted that his weaknesses had served him well as of late.

Snoke's eyes traveled the room frantically, as though searching for a way out. Finding none, he faced Ben and Neri with bloodshot eyes and gasping breaths. "What…what did your…father always say? About…redemption…all men deserve…"

Before Ben could speak, Neri's lips curled into a snarl and she said, "All men deserve redemption." She looked to her lover, surveyed his face. "But some men deserve revenge."

Snoke took their moment of distraction and threw all of his power at them, desperate for escape. The room shook, bringing down tremendous pieces of the ceiling. Neri and Ben both threw their hands up above the other, keeping the weight from crushing them and bringing about their deaths.

Trapped beneath the rock in a small pocket of safety, Ben pulled Neri to himself before pushing the pile off of them. She was warm against his chest, fitting into the crook of his arm as they stood once more and searched the room for their enemy.

He was fleeing, cowardly to the end, and was nearly at the secret door he had brought Neri through.

Seeing their chance at defeating him slipping away, Neri reached out, stopping Snoke with her outstretched hands. He fought her, struggling against the energy wrapped around him, and nearly escaped her grasp. Clenching her fists, Neri felt his struggle tugging her forward. Ben wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back, and Neri screamed as she unleashed everything pent up within her.

Her control over the power being channeled through her wavered and the sheer magnitude of it crushed Snoke where he stood, crumpling him as though he had been buried beneath the entirety of the base. The connection between his body and Neri's broke and Ben fell back with her limp form atop him.

"Neri?" he asked frantically, pulling himself from under her. He patted her cheeks, trying to stir her, but her eyes did not open.

A small stream of blood ran from Neri's nose and Ben wiped it away with the back of his hand. He felt for her presence, felt her neck for a pulse, and felt both weakly respond to him.

He didn't hear the clatter of a door being pushed open or the approach of his mother and uncle as they ran into the chambers. The siblings saw the devastation that had been wrought, felt the room shake as it threatened to fall down around them. The entire base was above them, ready to crush them.

"Where is Snoke?" Luke asked, searching the room. His eyes fell on the crumpled form of their enemy, crushed beyond recognition and unable to harm the galaxy any longer.

Leia saw Snoke as well and moved worriedly over to her son and the still form of his lover. "Ben, we need to go. The building is going to collapse."

Ben looked at his mother in a daze. Her words reached him after a moment and he nodded. In a fluid motion he scooped Neri up and cradled her to his chest, hurrying out of the room behind his mother and in front of his uncle.

They ran up the stairs unsteadily, the walls trembling as they went. It was as though the power of the base was tied to Snoke, his death bringing it down around them. Luke threw his hands up to keep falling rock from striking them, ever mindful of what lay ahead of them and behind them.

They emerged breathlessly from the base minutes later, barely out the doors before it began to cave in on itself. The ground shook with the force of it, sending them to their knees near the tree line.

Finn and Rey were staring, wide eyed, at the scene they had stumbled upon, their ship only having landed minutes before. Though it felt like a lifetime, Ben had only been in the base for a short while, time stretched beyond recognition by Snoke's power of bending reality.

Ben laid Neri down gently, her head on his lap. He felt for her presence and knew it was there, though he couldn't find a way to access it. It was as though she were in the ice cave again, alive but trapped within herself.

"Neri, please wake up," he begged, cupping her face with his large hand. The back of it was covered in her dry blood, his skin tight with it. He took a shuddering breath. "All of this would have been for nothing if you don't wake up."

Luke and Leia sat back, communicating silently as they were apt to do. Leia worried over her son, over the young woman she treated like a daughter. Luke ruminated over what Neri could be, how she could access such power that hadn't be present in the galaxy since the time of the Jedi temple.

Inside her own mind, Neri opened her eyes to a familiar sight.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

"We've got to stop meeting like this," he said, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he smiled down at Neri. He reached out a hand and pulled her up to her feet beside him, towering above her in a field filled with fragrant grasses blown gently in the breeze.

His hand almost felt real. "You didn't tell me you were his grandfather," she said, brushing herself off. She wondered if she were finally dead, if the battle with Snoke had finally killed her.

Ani shrugged. "You didn't ask." He motioned for her to follow him and they walked leisurely through the field.

"Where are we?" Neri asked her companion, one of the most powerful wielders of the Force in all of history.

Ani smiled and Neri wondered what he looked like when he was full grown. This young man before her had been corrupted by darkness, transformed by fire and power until he barely resembled who he once was. Neri wondered what it said about him to be presented at such an age before he began his path into the Dark.

"A memory," he said, his voice dripping with nostalgia. He looked down at her, knowing that she was brimming with questions. "You're not dead. Not even dying this time. You have no choices to make today."

Neri nodded. "Why am I here?" She wanted to return to Ben, to her friends. She wanted to know that everyone was safe.

Ani chuckled. "Patience is something you've yet to learn, little one." He stopped walking, face growing serious. "I only wanted you to know that your family, the family waiting for you to meet them, is proud of you. Your mother, your father, especially your grandfather, they're all brimming with pride. You aren't ready for them just yet, but maybe with some more practice, they'll come to you as easily as I come to Luke. With their power thrumming through those veins, it's only a matter of time."

"What do you-"

"No more questions now little one, I'm sorry. It's time to go back. You'll understand some day. You're young yet, with a young soul. You've got ages to find answers." Ani looked over his shoulder, as though someone had called his name. "Ah, it's time we say goodbye." He braced her shoulders with his hands, gazing into her eyes as though he could see everything she was to become. "Remember Neri Lei, there is so much more to life than power. Don't forget it; don't let him forget it."

Neri opened her mouth to speak, to ask him what he meant when he spoke of her family, but she was falling into darkness, away from the field and his presence.

She called his name once more, gasping as her eyes opened to the face of Ben Solo.

"Ani," Neri gasped as she came to, breathing heavily in Ben's arms. Her eyes searched the world around her, for something Ben could not see.

As soon as her eyes landed on Ben's, Neri clung to him, pulling herself into his chest. Ben breathed a sigh of relief, feeling as though he could finally relax. She pulled away suddenly, jaw set and eyes fierce.

"Don't you dare ever scare me like that again Ben Solo!" she nearly shouted, shoving his chest. "You scared all of us!"

Ben was genuinely surprised, unready to be rebuked. Behind him, his uncle tried to hide a laugh with an awkward cough.

Ben cupped Neri's face with both his hands and kissed her forehead gently. "I promise to never scare you again Neri Lei. So long as you promise the same." He pulled back, smiling at the woman he loved. "Who's Ani?" he asked, searching her face for answers.

"We can talk about that later," interrupted Luke, patting his nephew on the shoulder. "We should probably be going now, let your mother's soldiers do their job." He motioned to the trees, where members of the Resistance's ground forces were approaching.

Ben nodded and stood, pulling Neri up with him. She was unsteady on her feet and he scooped her up easily, holding her against his chest.

"I can walk, you know," she said, protesting.

He tightened his arms around her small body, feeling the tension of the day escaping him. "But where's the fun in that?"

They went through the forest and back to their ship, ready to return to the peace of the Resistance base. Their fight was over.


	37. Epilogue

Epilogue

It had been a week since the assault on Snoke's base, and Neri found herself strolling through the Resistance base, searching for her teacher turned lover. He had left before dawn as he often did, eager to meet the sunrise and see the moons set.

Neri had lazily stayed in bed that day, content to bury herself in soft blankets and warmth, and hadn't emerged until well after the sun was up. She had dressed slowly, knowing she would be content to never hurry again, and left her shared rooms with a smile on her face.

It had been a week of celebration, of reorganizing the galaxy for a time of peace. When word had gone out that Snoke and the First Order were destroyed, Neri could swear she felt the power of the Force surging in elation around them, the joy of billions of beings engulfing her and other Force sensitives on the base.

It had also been a week of questions, some of which had no clear answers. Luke had left them, off to discover what she may be by seeking out the Jedi temple and the writings of his people. He had discussed possibilities with her before he'd gone, his answers mostly revolving around who he believed her family to be. He was not surprised in the least that his father had come to her, though Ben could not quite wrap his head around it. He had tried for years, to no avail, to reach his grandfather in such a way. Neri had been able to do so without any effort on her part. He had no idea how such power had found her, had been hidden in her, but he did not resent her for it as he may have in the past.

Ben felt nothing but resounding adoration when he thought of Neri Lei, the fighter who had literally stumbled into his life. He knew better than to question the universe, to wonder too hard at how their paths had crossed. It was enough, he was sure, to accept the unknown and wait for the answers to come in their own time.

The sunlight was warm on her face when Neri emerged from the base into the forest, seeking her mate. She followed his signature in the Force, her feet moving without thought to guide them, until she was suddenly upon his still form.

He sat, palms pressed gently to his thighs, face lit by the growing daylight. Warm brown eyes greeted Neri and she settled in beside him, the skin around them crinkling as Ben smiled.

He kissed her softly once on the lips then pulled back, face turned upward. Together, they closed their eyes, warmed by the light and the thrumming presence of their other half.

A/N – That's it folks, I hope you enjoyed. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and thank you especially to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed. Now that I'm all done (my first completed fic!) I can explore your works and worlds. Happy reading!

-Ellie


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